Man Alive, What an Evening

Wow.

Bruce Bochy fielded his best white-flag team yesterday and the Giants got trounced 6-3 by the Rockies, exactly as expected. But who cares? Yesterday was possibly the most thrilling single day of regular-season baseball in history. Certainly in my lifetime. Four games with final postseason slot implications. The possibility of two separate 163rd games.

The Red Sox and Rays entered the day tied for the AL Wild Card Lead, and the Braves and Cardinals entered the day tied for the NL Wild Card. The Red Sox were in Baltimore, the Rays were hosting the Yankees, the Braves were hosting the Phillies, and the Cardinals were in Houston.

The Red Sox went into a 7th-inning rain delay leading the Orioles 3-2. The Rays fell behind to the Yankees 7-0 going into the 8th inning. The Braves were leading the Phillies 3-2 into the 8th. The lone uneventful game was the Cardinals, as expected, simultaneously mauling and shutting out the Astros (the worst team in baseball).

The Braves coughed up a Phillies tying run around the same time as the Rays put together a 6-run bottom of the eighth. The Cardinals game wrapped, ensuring them at worst a playoff game against the Braves the next day. The Red Sox game resumed and the Sox failed to score an insurance run that was gunned down at home plate. The Braves game headed into extra innings as a Rays .108 pinch-hitter -- who hadn't hit a home run since April -- bounced a line drive off the net of the foul pole with two out and two strikes in the bottom of the ninth inning to knot the score at 7 and send that game into extra innings as well.

The Braves got runners in scoring position for Martin Prado, who offered the worst swing I have ever seen in a pressure situation and ended the inning. The Phillies got a go-ahead run off a Hunter Pence BABIP Special, and the Braves bounced into a double play to give the Cardinals the NL Wild Card.

Back in Baltimore, Carl Crawford was unable to grab what would have been out number three as the Orioles got three consecutive two-out hits off of Jonathan "huck it down the middle" Papelbon, and stunned the Red Sox by winning the game, 4-3.

Three minutes after the Orioles dogpiled one another on their rain-soaked home field, Evan Longoria hit his second home run of the game, a laser beam that just cleared the fence inside the foul pole along the left-field line and clinched the Wild Card for Tampa Bay.

There are moment in baseball -- key moments, indelible moments -- that you know, as you are watching them, that they will be part of baseball lore forever. That you'll be seeing them on replay for the rest of your life. Aaron Boone's 2003 ALCS homer. Kevin Mitchell's barehanded grab. Dave Roberts' stolen base. Kirk Gibson. Bill Buckner. Carlton Fisk. Now we can add Longoria's home run to that elite group. He raced down the first base line, knowing that the ball might not clear the wall, but that he was going to have to try for extra bases if it didn't. Just before he got to the bag at first, both arms shot straight up in the air. The look of elation on his face matched that of the stunned and exultant crowd. His teammates flew out of the dugout as if shot from a cannon, and everyone watching could scarcely manage to come up with a sentiment any more profound than that of, "BASEBALL. OH MAN, BASEBALL."

This is why we watch. Baseball simply does not get any better than this, and no other sport on its best day can ever hope to match moments such as these.

So now we move beyond 2011 and into the postseason. Let us root for the Brewers. Let us root for the Rays. Let us root for the Diamondbacks and the Tigers and the Rangers. Let us root for baseball at its most glorious, at its most profound and affecting. Let us enjoy these next few weeks, for the winter is long and devoid of this glorious game. We will continue to be here talking about the feelings that the postseason and the hot stove and all that malarkey will bring, but baseball is now entering its yearly twilight.

This is going to be one hell of a postseason, my dear friends. Let's all be baseball fans together, for there is surely no greater thing.

Diamondbacks Sweep Giants, But You Knew That Already

At least Bruce Bochy got to not watch the whole game.

Merciless 15-2 Victory Eliminates Giants From Wild Card

herp derp

Well, it's pretty apt that the single most horrid game of the year was the one that knocked the Giants out of everything. Baggs has a full rundown on all the facts you need to know about this putrid abomination of a baseball game. It started with an umpire standing in the way of an easy grounder and nearly concussing Mike Fontenot, and ended with a power outage and every pitcher in the Giants bullpen successively shitting a parade of beds.

Although 2012 could potentially be a better season and could potentially be a worse season, at least the bright side is that it's improbable that many, if any games in 2012 will be as bad or worse than this one. Let's all root for Matt Kemp to win the triple crown and for the Brewers to win the pennant, shall we?

Diamondbacks Beat Giants 3-1 to Clinch NL West

Good game.

Matt Kemp Beats Giants, 8-2

wheeeeee

Matt Kemp is really amazing. He's within spitting distance of the NL triple crown. Four points behind Braun for average, one home run behind Pujols, and leading the league in RBI. Not sure how anyone could possibly be considered for this league's MVP. He had three doubles and a home run tonight, and since the Giants offense consisted of solo home runs from Beltran and Sandoval, his one home run in late innings would have been more than enough for an easy victory. The Giants are really rotten, man. They stink on ice.

Let's hope the Diamondbacks make it quick and painless tomorrow night and really put a stomping on everyone to put the Giants out of their misery.

Giants Win 8-5 in Sixteen Brisk Hours

Haters gonna hate

That game took forever. There was absolutely no reason that game should have taken that long. The Giants and Dodgers took nearly four hours for a game that wasn't particularly close. The Giants keep winning games against people not named "Clayton Kershaw" and keep the Diamondbacks' magic number at 2. If the Giants win the Dodgers finale today, they will arrive in Arizona tomorrow with the Diamondbacks' magic number still sitting at "2". Which means that either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, the Giants will be watching the Diamondbacks celebrate clinching the NL West on their home field, in front of like 12,000 people, 8,000 of whom will be Giants fans.

Best-case, and least-likely scenario: The Giants win tonight and sweep the Diamondbacks. That means the Giants will be one game back with three games left to play. That's the best case scenario. The scenario I'm betting on is that the Giants lose their first game against Arizona and that'll be that. Also, that the Diamondbacks eliminate the Giants from the Wild Card race as well. I'm resigned to that. It's cool. August was real, real bad and broke the back of the Giants. It happens more often than anyone wants to admit. Meanwhile, I'm forced to choose between my two least favorite teams in the NL for who I want to win the Wild Card: the Braves or the Cardinals. Yuck.

Whoever wins...we lose.

Giants Lose 2-1, of Course

Clayton Kershaw has faced the Giants five times this season, and is 5-0. Four of those contests have been against Lincecum. Here's how those games turned out:

KERSHAW VS. LINCECUM
March 31 @ LA (opening day): Dodgers 2, Giants 1
July 20 @ SF: Dodgers 1, Giants 0
Sept. 9 @SF: Dodgers 2, Giants 1
Sept. 20 @LA: Dodgers 2, Giants 1

Also, here's the only other thing you need to know about the Giants behind Tim Lincecum this year, courtesy of Andrew Baggarly:

The Giants have scored one run or fewer in 16 of Lincecum’s 32 starts.

Blech. Not a lot to say here. The Giants could have gained yet another game on the Diamondbacks last night and stayed on pace in the Wild Card hunt, but the warming glow of the 8-game win streak is done, and since Bochy's all-right-handed lineup (with Cody Ross and Pat Burrell conveniently injured) consists of Justin Christian, Mark De Rosa (batting cleanup!), and Orlando Cabrera, the inevitable just got inevitable-er. Gross.

One last thing: Chris Stewart delivered the only Giants run last night, a solo shot for his third home run of both the season and his career. Since Buster Posey died, Stewart has been platooning with Eli Whiteside under the assumption that Whiteside was much better with the bat than Stew. Here are their current slash lines:

Whiteside: .207/.276/.325, 4 HR

Stewart: .211/.291/.323, 3 HR

Whiteside has three more walks than Stewart in 51 more ABs, but he also has FORTY-ONE more strikeouts than Stewart. For dudes hitting almost exclusively in the 8-hole, it's pretty obvious that Stewart is the much, MUCH better option here out of two exceedingly lousy options. Especially when you add in the huge defensive upgrade that Stewart is over Whiteside. Whiteside has at least one catcher interference call against him per start, which is way off the league average of "never" for his position.

Stewart throws out about 40% of baserunners, while Whiteside throws out 26%, which honestly sounds WAYYYYY too high to be right so I must not be looking at the correct numbers there. Everyone runs against Whitey, and he is good for at least a few passed balls per game. He's rotten on both offense and defense, and if nothing else, Stewart's proficiency at sacrificing and making contact makes him a no-brainer in a Poseyless world.

I'm really terrified that Whiteside will be the backup catcher over Stewart or Hector Sanchez next year, and that would be just the worst thing.

So Your Team's Not Going to the Playoffs

It's down to the home stretch of the season, and it's pretty clear at this point who's going on to the postseason, and who isn't. Odds are good that your team didn't make the cut. Perhaps you have no idea with whom to cast your rooting lot, and why. We here at Baseball Feelings are pleased to present you with a rooting guide for the postseason that goes beyond the standard "Just root against the Yankees and Phillies." (But not too far beyond that.)

If your eliminated team plays in the NL West: Root for the Brewers. The Brewers have a fun, old-school team of unapologetic mashers, and they've never won a World Series. Ever. They've only been to one, in fact. The year that they won the AMERICAN LEAGUE pennant. The Brewers have the best uniform in baseball, even if it's just their Friday home alternate throwback jersey. They have a bunch of guys that are totally worth rooting for (Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Casey McGehee, Corey Hart, John Axford), and probably the most polarizing dude in MLB, Nyjer "Tony Plush" Morgan. I love the guy, but I love most people in sports who are open, unapologetic pricks. Dude's hilarious. Seeing him freak out like in the above picture when he hits a seeing-eye single is a true joy. This is the Brewers best shot at grabbing a championship for the foreseeable future, and it's always fun to see a storied franchise win it all for the first time ever. If you need a further reason to root for them, there's this: when they went to Houston to play the Astros recently, the whole team dressed up like cowboys just to be dicks.

If your eliminated team plays in the NL East or NL Central: Root for the Diamondbacks. They're an exciting, fun young team that broke out at least a year ahead of schedule and is woefully unappreciated by a tepid fanbase that would rather boo Prince Fielder and kick all of the brown people out of their state than show up and root for their team. This is a team worth rooting for, but they're in the thick of a playoff-berth-clinching run of playing insanely good baseball, and they're playing it in front of half-empty crowds. Justin Upton is one of those rare dudes who keeps coming up in key situations, and you just KNOW he's launching a moonshot, or smashing a double off the wall to clear the bases. Paul Goldschmidt just showed up out of nowhere, fully formed as a dude who hits no-stride taters with terrifying frequency. It's really amazing what Kirk Gibson has been able to do with this team this year. Oh yeah, Kirk Gibson is the manager of the Diamondbacks. It's worth watching their games for no other reason than to see him hobble out to the mound on his peg legs for every pitching change.

If you can't get enough of the status quo: Root for the Phillies or the Braves. There's technically nothing wrong with either team, and they both have one or two players you can get behind (Roy Halladay and Freddie Freeman, for example). But there's nothing really exciting or inspiring about either team.

Dan Uggla hit like a maniac for thirty games and almost made people forget that he's not really a consistent hitter, is a nightmare at second base, and is definitely the type of dude who kisses his own biceps while flexing at the mirror nightly. The most exciting players on the Braves are their bullpen guys. They for some unknown reason stuck with Freeman all year while mishandling Jason Heyward worse than anyone not named "Brandon Belt." They've been in the playoffs every year you've been alive. Oh yeah, and their big rally starter is everyone in the stadium being as racist as they can in unison.

Over on the Phillies side, they're a Philadelphia team, with all that entails. They have a ridiculously good, highly-hyped pitching staff. They have Raul Ibanez and Shane Victorino, two of the most thoroughly unlikeable baseball players of our generation. And they've got Hunter Pence, the creepiest creep that ever crabwalked onto a baseball diamond.

If your eliminated team plays in the AL East: Root for the Texas Rangers. They made it to their first World Series last year, and have a stronger team this season that could take them all the way. Their single biggest weakness is their manager, Ron Washington, who seems to believe that shooting oneself in one's foot is a surefire way to keep the opposing team offguard. (It rarely works.)

If your eliminated team plays in the AL West: Root for the Detroit Tigers, if for no other reason than to show support for our own beloved Neil. They've got Justin Verlander, and he's the most exciting pitcher in the American League. Their best hitter likes to get loaded and make friends with cops. What's not to like?

If you have no particular rooting interest: Root for the Red Sox. They're a really fun team that just goes out and scores run after run after run until the other team is in tears. They've got three legitimate MVP candidates in their starting lineup every day. They signed a guy to a contract for a hundred years and a million billion dollars so they could bat him seventh in the lineup. That's some depth, bro. It's always fun to see the Red Sox win a World Series. Well, for now. Maybe if they win one or two more it will start getting old. But it's still fun for now!

If you're a Yankees fan: Root for the Yankees. That's the only reason to.

Giants Fall to Diamondbacks, 7-2

/counts money

I'd made my peace with this season a few games ago, and last night's game will still keep me happy and warm for a good long while. So regardless of what happens from here on out, it's real unlikely that the Giants will make the postseason (practically a certainty now with the D-Backs sporting a magic number of 18). I'm fine with that. There's a great sparkly trophy and fancy jersey patches that indicate something fabulous happened not too long ago, and 2012 can only get better. I think that's awesome.

Tim Lincecum didn't have a great game, and the Snakes managed to get lucky on BABIP and take advantage of mistakes while the Giants didn't get lucky breaks but still managed to get two runs against Arizona's ace. That's something. Beltran had another perfect game, going 3-for-3 with a walk, although he did manage to kill a rally by attempting to go from first to second on a medium-deep sac fly.

This was one hell of a season. Seriously. The Giants had a historically injured team, a historically awful offense, and still managed to stay in first place for much of the season, lead the league in walk-off wins, and remain competitive right to the bitter end. It was a ton of fun. A TON of fun. It was also brutally awful at times, but I think things are looking up. It's the calm one must feel before one drowns. So peaceful.

Giants Win Feel-Good Game of the Year, 6-2

KABOOM CARLOS BELTRAN MOTHERF***ER

If Thursday's game was a turn-the-page palate cleanser, tonight was something else entirely. Matt Cain, throwing far, FAR less than his best stuff, held the Diamondbacks to two runs through eight innings. Carlos Beltran had his first true Carlos Beltran game as a Giant, going four-for-four with a triple and a monster home run. Jeff Keppinger's Unstoppable Bat missed a home run by a foot and a half. Cody Ross followed a Matt Cain walk with a signature Cody Ross left-field-bleachers bomb late in the game, and followed that up in the top of the eighth with a spectacular diving, sliding catch.

This was a Giants big-game game like we saw constantly last September and many times earlier this year. Pat Burrell took two walks and a million pitches. The Giants were able to limit damage in tricky situations -- like a bases-loaded moment in the top of the first. The Giants pitching was the Giants pitching, and for a change the Giants offense looked like a real major league team. The Diamondbacks had a nine-game winning streak snapped and looked nothing like the juggernaut we all feared they had become in August. Tomorrow all of this could crumble and the Giants could become the Giants once again, but tonight was incandescent. Tonight was glorious. For three brilliant hours, this was the 2011 Giants living up to every lofty expectation they promised in spring training, only minus Posey, Sanchez, and Wilson and up a Keppinger and a Beltran.

If the Giants don't play another competitive game this year...hell, if the Giants don't win another game this year, this is the game I will hold on to. This was all smiles and warm-and-fuzzies and fist-pumping victory in every sense of the word. This one will keep me warm in the winter, regardless of what happens from here on out. For one electrifying night, in front of a rabid AT&T Park crowd, this was hope and celebration and realized potential. The Diamondbacks can easily take the next two, and heck, they probably will, but this was all I could have ever asked for.

Thanks, guys.

Madison Bumgarner Leads Rowand- and Tejada-less Giants to Victory

THIS IS YOUR NEW GOD

I've said it before, but Madison Bumgarner is capable of wondrous, glorious things. This is his age-21 season and everything apart from his meaningless W-L record and one historically disastrous inning indicates he's one of the very, very best pitchers in the game and only getting better.

The Giants jettisoned the steaming husks of Aaron Rowand and Michael Tejada on Thursday, and Bumgarner took the hill to end the Giants' losing skid, hold the Cubs to 2 hits and no runs in 8 innings while striking out 11 against an all-right-handed lineup. This was a phenomenal, phenomenal pitching performance. He was assisted by the unstoppable bat of Jeff Keppinger, the furious bunt assault dished out by Giants hitters, and a laughing, joking squad behind him that was playing their asses off and looking like they were having the time of their lives for the first time in a long, long, LONG time.

Perhaps Rowand and Tejada were the grumpiest old gritters that ever gamered up the clubhouse. Maybe after every loss, Tejowand would push Brandon Belt to the ground and wedgie him without remorse while taunting all of the starters. Perhaps atomic situps were involved. We'll never know. But the Giants looked loose and happy on Thursday, and as much fun as Rowand's batting stance was, we'll never have to worry about him coming in to strike out on three pitches in a key pinch-hit situation. That's great. That's so great.

The Diamondbacks arrive tonight, and the Giants have the potential to make up up to three games in the standings in one weekend. Lincecum, Cain, and Vogelsong will be pitching. The rosters have expanded and have brought with them Bret Pill, Pat Burrell, Brandon Crawford, and...miscellaneous. The offense scored four runs in their last game. Brandon Belt met a literal baby giraffe. I expect the Giants to take one of three, but they can do this. They can really, really do this. This is the true trial by fire for the G-men tonight. If they take this series, they can realistically stay in the race. If they get stomped like they did the last time the Diamondbacks were in town, that's pretty much the end.

Here we go.

Giants Go Ahead and Pack it in for the Season

Shed a tear for this beautiful man.

About 30 minutes before game time last night, I suddenly realized, "Oh yeah, I need to do a write-up about Monday's game." Then it dawned on me that I'd have to write about Tim Lincecum having perhaps the worst start of his career while the Giants were two-hit by a less-than-replacement pitcher with an ERA of over 6.00. So I went back to whatever I was doing instead (nothing).

Last night, the Giants unloaded the big guns for two entire runs. Sadly, the Cubs scored five. The Giants actually had ten hits, but on three (THREE!) separate occasions, Carlos Beltran stranded them to end the inning. Carlos Beltran doesn't want to be on this team, and that kind of hurts, but you can't really blame him. He thought he was going to the playoffs. Shame about that.

The Diamondbacks are six games in first place, and have a three game series with the Giants this weekend. It's not quite the end of the road for the Giants just yet, but it likely will be come Monday. Sometime between Saturday night and the beginning of the game yesterday, I resigned myself to acknowledging that the Giants aren't going to make the playoffs, and that it's been one hell of a season, and that I still love these guys and stranger things have happened, and that 2012 can only get better by default. It helped last night's game go down a lot smoother. I'll still be watching, cheering, recapping, tweeting, and grumbling about things, but the sense of "WE CAN DO THIS" is winding down. They can't do this, actually. Not these guys. The Diamondbacks are unstoppable, or at least they're unstoppable until the first round of playoffs, when they get unscrupulously manhandled by the Braves, Brewers, or Phillies.

Next year, fellas. Next year.

Giants Manage to Split Series with Remorseless Astros

Great bunch of guys. Shame about the season.

I was able to attend Saturday night's game at AT&T Park, which held all sorts of adventures relating to Tim Lincecum bobblehead day, then became largely uneventful for two hours while the Giants attempted to not get one-hit by the Astros, and culminated with a very exciting walk-off win, perhaps the Giants' last of the season. Eric Surkamp made his major-league pitching debut, fresh up from AA Richmond, and had a shaky but solid start -- quite possibly the best performance from a 5th Giants starter this season.

For a few brief hours after the game on Saturday night, it felt like the first-half 2011 Giants. The insane magic of close games in front of a rabid AT&T crowd. A new contribution from a different player each night. An interchangeable array of improbably good pitching and timely, necessary hits. Then Sunday arrived, and the Giants attempted to not get no-hit by the Astros before blowing a late lead and not holding two extra-innings tie scores.

This team can't hit. The bullpen is gutted. The starting pitchers are fatigued from knowing they'll have to throw a shutout or they're going to lose. The Diamondbacks refuse to lose. The Giants are four games out of first place and their offense isn't waking up. It doesn't show any sign of waking up. They're still fighting their hearts out, but even with a month left, the writing appears to be on the wall. Every day it looks just a little bit more that it's the D-Backs' year.

Giants Don't Get No-Hit, Lose 7-5

Ump: "Hey, maybe you should learn to win, asshole."

The Giants have a terrible call go against them, Matt Cain gives up his first home run in 80+ innings, and after that, it's academic.

For the first five innings or so, it looked like the Giants were going to get no-hit at home against the noxious Mat Latos, so it's a great thing that didn't happen. The whole first half of this game was one of the Giants' patented "find new ways to lose/squander every available opportunity" games. Aaron Rowand grounding out to kill a bases-loaded situation where Latos had just walked three Giants in a row. Three massive, ridiculous Giants errors. Aaron Rowand hitting an infield popup with a runner on third and one out, which would have brought the Giants within one run. The Giants wasting leadoff runner chances. Going 0-for-10 with runners in scoring position. Aaron Rowand swinging at pitches that bounce in the other batter's box. Hmmm...I'm seeing a common theme here.

Oh yeah: Aaron Rowand started against a right-hander because Nate Schierholtz is injured. Yep. Also, Carlos Beltran was activated today, but didn't start, because he can probably only bat left-handed and refuses to bat righty-on-righty. Beltran did show up for a pinch-hit appearance with a couple of runners on, and promptly popped up to the infield.

Late in the game, the Giants scratched and clawed to tie it up, which is the most that they've looked like the first-half Giants since...well...the first half. Ramon Ramirez promptly coughed up a double, a nearly-disastrous sac bunt, a single, a wild pitch, and another single to lose the lead and the game in the top of the ninth. But the Giants were out of this game in the top of the first inning when they fell behind 1-0 and everyone in the park knew it but them. It's heartening to see that they didn't just roll over. Maybe if they hadn't had those three errors! Maybe if that blown call hadn't gone in favor of the Padres! Maybe if Miguel Tejada's pinch-hit liner in the eighth hadn't been right at the third baseman's glove! Maybe if Aaron Rowand wasn't completely worthless! Sometimes it's just bad luck I guess. It's really hard to tell when the Giants are a hard-luck team, or just a bad team. Pretty much indistinguishable at this point. The rallying cry from the Giants community is "They're bad, but they're not THIS bad." That's...that's not a good rallying cry.

The Giants fell to two games back today, because the Diamondbacks were able to snap their losing skid against an inferior team. Say, that sounds like something that the Giants should try! Whoops!

Brandon Belt Can't Do It By Himself: Giants Win 6-4 in 11

Bochy showed remarkable restraint not striking Runzler dead right there.

For once, the Giants almost lost a game due more to terrible starting pitching and worse luck than a completely anemic offense. After taking a 3-0 lead in the second inning behind a Brandon Belt home run, pinch-starter Dan "Herp de Derp What's a Strike Zone" Runzler gave up four runs in the third inning, then got yanked. It was real bad. The only thing worse was the Giants' luck. Baserunning gaffes, screaming line drives belted directly into Astros gloves, errant pickoff throws that bounce directly back to the second baseman, a wandering strike zone, Giants leadoff hitter reaching base in seven straight innings with no runs scored, and on and on.

It was only a monstrous home run by a Pablo Sandoval (who, until that point, had been 0-for-5 on that day) that allowed the Giants and their poor shellshocked bullpen a way-too-hard-fought win and, for the first time in seemingly forever, brought them within a game and a half of the Diamondbacks. It shouldn't have been like this. They shouldn't have been avoiding an Astros sweep today. An eleventh-inning win over the Houston Astros should not feel like a victory over the 1927 Mecha-Yankees. But such is the state of the team at this point. The Giants take the day off tomorrow to watch the D-Backs rough up the Marlins, then return home for six games against the Padres and Astros. If they take two of those six games, I'll weep fat tears of unimaginable joy.

Belt had four hits today, so it's a good thing he was sent down to Fresno all those times. Really took him to another level.

Giants Are a Bag of Butts, Lose 7-5

"What the dicks is this thing for?"

The first Astros batter of the game, the amazingly awesome Jose Altuve, hit his first career home run, a stand-up inside-the-park job, and it was game over from there on out. To the Giants' credit, they did not get shut out...a rare feat these days. In fact, they scored nearly three runs above what their second-half total has been thus far. The downside is that they have now used up all their runs for the coming homestand, which features another FOUR GAMES against these titans of offense, these unstoppable mashers, the Houston Astros. Also, Brandon Belt went 0-for-4, so we're never going to see him again.

Jonathan Sanchez is unable to start tomorrow's game, so the Giants will be getting swept behind the fearsome arm of whoever-the-hell, and we can put 2011 to bed. The Giants manage to keep pace with the Arizona Diamondbacks by no fault of their own, and it's clear that the NL West is full of despair and ruination and not a whole lot of good baseball. Just kidding, the Diamondbacks are a pretty solid team this year and only getting better in the future, and that is just the worst thing to realize late at night.

Giants Get Dominated by Worst Team in Major League Baseball, Lose 6-0

Yep. (tippin' mad hats to Bay City Ball)

Three more Giants turned up injured today. That's not a joke.

The Giants keep finding new ways to lose. Aubrey Huff tried to score in a scoreless game, ending an inning and killing a rally. The Giants give up three runs after having two outs on a couple of spectacular errors by Mark "Hey I'm Starting at Third Base I Guess" De Rosa and Aubrey "Herp Derp Whoops M'Glove" Huff.

I knew the Giants were losing today when I saw their HILARIOUS lineup. The Diamondbacks were likely to lose today in Atlanta, and this was a huge punt of a lineup. Hey man, it's really rough when you have to write nine guys into a lineup and only have ten healthy players. I mean, what kind of idiot would put Brandon Belt in a lineup, am I right?

I have been saying it for days, but the Giants are going to lose this series. They may take one of three, but I highly doubt it. I've never seen a team look so thoroughly defeated as the Giants do right now, and there's no way in hell I blame them. Imagine you have a box of 25 adorable puppies, and your job is to make sure that nothing bad happens to the puppies. But every day, when you get to work, between 2 and 10 of the puppies have set themselves on fire. You'd go crazy by like day three.

Watching a Giants game is exactly like staring at a smoldering pile of puppy corpses. That wounds the soul after a while.

Tim Lincecum Has the Nerve to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

YOU SICKEN ME.

You would think I wouldn't have to keep writing permutations of that headline, but here we are. Not a lot to say about this one, but that's what happens when

1) You're facing a LHP that lefties are hitting over .400 against so you put every available right-hander in your lineup.

2) The Number 2 and Number 6 spots in your lineup are filled by Orlando Cabrera and Miguel Tejada.

3) The rest of your lineup has Aaron Rowand, Aubrey Huff, and Chris Stewart.

4) You pinch-hit Mark De Rosa over Brandon "I Killed Bruce Bochy's Dog While I Was Nailing His Daughter and Looking at Called Strike Three" Belt.

The Diamondbacks were losing, but now they're in a rain delay. Will the game get called? Will the Diamondbacks pull off another come-from-behind win? Who gives a crap, the Giants have a series in Houston to lose.

Giants Win Nailbiting Blowout, 7-5

"Mmmmm...gritty...grizzled gamer...oh yeah, that's the stuff."

Amazingly, the Giants scored a bunch of runs. Mostly on sacrifice flies, but hey, horribly cursed offenses can't be choosers. Matt Cain pitched 8 brilliant innings with one unearned run, 9 strikeouts, and one walk. Then Bruce Bochy stuck in Dan Runzler, the one and only young guy that he's ever had faith in, and the Braves promptly scored four runs and brought the tying run to the plate.

Bruce Bochy is a quandary that's been dredged through a batter of a head-scratchers, dipped in "what is this i don't even" sauce, and then wrapped in bacon. Brandon Belt went 0-for-3 with a walk today, and he's almost definitely sitting out tomorrow's game. Bochy has been confirmed as hating an at-bat he feels is "too passive." Belt looked at six pitches in his third plate appearance, and the last two could have/should have been called balls. They weren't. That doesn't matter to Bruce Bochy. He probably turned to Ron Wotus and said, "Why isn't this asshole hacking at everything? That's what the bat's for. Swinging at everything." In Bochy's mind, the game they play isn't "base"ball, it's "swingball."

And Bochy probably gave Belt the stink-eye pretty good, because in Belt's next plate appearance, where he could have picked up a sacrifice fly for a run, he swung at the first pitch and popped it up just past the infield. You could almost hear Bochy yelling, "Too aggressive, you idiot!" And so it goes for anyone under 35 in a Bruce Bochy lineup. He doesn't believe in career minor league numbers. He doesn't understand how small sample sizes work. He doesn't understand the benefits of OBP over batting average and RBI. The only things he believes in are "the hot hand" and "swinging the bat well" and "knows how to win ballgames" and "been there before" and "he wears his hat like a pro" and a million other intangibles that mean nothing to anyone but him and, presumably, Brian Sabean.

So I've never understood why, given how Bochy has historically treated young players, he's brought Runzler in so many times in a non-mop-up capacity. Maybe Runzler forged a birth certificate and convinced Bochy he was born in 1968.

But anyway, a win paired with a Diamondbacks loss. I'll take it. Matt Cain is amazing. Tim Lincecum pitches tomorrow. I hear he's pretty good, too. Hammerin' Mike Fontenot was 3-for-4 with a pair of doubles today, so with all the injuries we can keep our fingers crossed for the glorious return of Number Three Hitter Mike Fontenot.

I'm ready for Houston, how about you?

Corpse of Giants Roster Shows Signs of Unnatural Life

Bruce Bochy will never be able to feel another emotion.

The Giants lost 2-1 in 11 innings. Great, who cares, whatever. Jonathan Sanchez was starting a game the day after a soul-crushing loss and Beltran and Romo were headed to the DL. A loss was academic tonight.

The real meat of today's story is that the lineup was released and everyone was like LOLWUT because Sandoval was at 1B and Huff was in LF and Belt was in RF and an adorable kitten was Pitcher's Helper. (FanGraphs indicates the adorable kitten is leading the majors in mewling, but Shane Victorino is close behind.) The stories started tumbling hard and fast out of Atlanta: Keppinger out, getting an MRI on his wrist; Schierholtz out, possible broken foot; Rowand out, strained intercostal. The Giants must have gotten off a plane that later crashed during last year's playoffs, because 2011 has been a string of calamities bordering on the Lovecraftian.

In the third inning, Jonathan Sanchez sprained his ankle fielding a bunt, because OF COURSE HE DID. Everyone in the ballpark started watching for bolts of lightning or dangling safes or frayed electrical cords left perilously close to puddles of water. The Giants were no-hit through six innings by a guy major his second MLB start. No one expected anything different.

But something strange happened. The Giants showed immense gumption, much more than anyone could have expected. After Sanchez gave up a run, the Giants pitching staff and defense shut the Braves down inning after inning after inning. Cody Ross blasted a huge home run to prevent the no-hitter and the shutout. The Giants made the Braves' bullpen work. They got as many hits as the Braves, but couldn't quite manage the big one. Both Brandon Belt and Aubrey Huff made game-saving plays in the outfield. It was fun. It was more competitive and exciting than it had any right to be, and Brooks Conrad got to be the hero with a ground-rule double and the winning run in a bit of poetic justice.

If I'm the Giants, I have to believe they're pleased with themselves even in a loss. They won't just roll over and die, even when their roster is reduced to Aubrey Huff and a whimsical tea cozy. However, having said that, the Phillies let Lyle "DFA'd From the Pirates" Overbay drive in all three Diamondbacks runs against Roy Halladay and lost at home, putting the Giants 3.5 games out. But fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day. I'm certain that tomorrow will bring more injuries, and I'm equally as certain that Aubrey Huff will be the only member of the Giants roster to not sniff the DL this season. Sabean will have deals in place for Posada, Damon, and Alfonso Soriano by the weekend.

It's really amazing that the Giants have done as much as they have after all that has happened to them this season. If they somehow, somehow manage to make it to the playoffs...that's nothing short of miraculous. It's important to remember that the G-Men should probably have a W-L record more closely resembling the Mariners or Astros than being within spitting distance of first place. This was the best possible loss today. That's something, at least.