Man Alive, What an Evening

Wow.

Bruce Bochy fielded his best white-flag team yesterday and the Giants got trounced 6-3 by the Rockies, exactly as expected. But who cares? Yesterday was possibly the most thrilling single day of regular-season baseball in history. Certainly in my lifetime. Four games with final postseason slot implications. The possibility of two separate 163rd games.

The Red Sox and Rays entered the day tied for the AL Wild Card Lead, and the Braves and Cardinals entered the day tied for the NL Wild Card. The Red Sox were in Baltimore, the Rays were hosting the Yankees, the Braves were hosting the Phillies, and the Cardinals were in Houston.

The Red Sox went into a 7th-inning rain delay leading the Orioles 3-2. The Rays fell behind to the Yankees 7-0 going into the 8th inning. The Braves were leading the Phillies 3-2 into the 8th. The lone uneventful game was the Cardinals, as expected, simultaneously mauling and shutting out the Astros (the worst team in baseball).

The Braves coughed up a Phillies tying run around the same time as the Rays put together a 6-run bottom of the eighth. The Cardinals game wrapped, ensuring them at worst a playoff game against the Braves the next day. The Red Sox game resumed and the Sox failed to score an insurance run that was gunned down at home plate. The Braves game headed into extra innings as a Rays .108 pinch-hitter -- who hadn't hit a home run since April -- bounced a line drive off the net of the foul pole with two out and two strikes in the bottom of the ninth inning to knot the score at 7 and send that game into extra innings as well.

The Braves got runners in scoring position for Martin Prado, who offered the worst swing I have ever seen in a pressure situation and ended the inning. The Phillies got a go-ahead run off a Hunter Pence BABIP Special, and the Braves bounced into a double play to give the Cardinals the NL Wild Card.

Back in Baltimore, Carl Crawford was unable to grab what would have been out number three as the Orioles got three consecutive two-out hits off of Jonathan "huck it down the middle" Papelbon, and stunned the Red Sox by winning the game, 4-3.

Three minutes after the Orioles dogpiled one another on their rain-soaked home field, Evan Longoria hit his second home run of the game, a laser beam that just cleared the fence inside the foul pole along the left-field line and clinched the Wild Card for Tampa Bay.

There are moment in baseball -- key moments, indelible moments -- that you know, as you are watching them, that they will be part of baseball lore forever. That you'll be seeing them on replay for the rest of your life. Aaron Boone's 2003 ALCS homer. Kevin Mitchell's barehanded grab. Dave Roberts' stolen base. Kirk Gibson. Bill Buckner. Carlton Fisk. Now we can add Longoria's home run to that elite group. He raced down the first base line, knowing that the ball might not clear the wall, but that he was going to have to try for extra bases if it didn't. Just before he got to the bag at first, both arms shot straight up in the air. The look of elation on his face matched that of the stunned and exultant crowd. His teammates flew out of the dugout as if shot from a cannon, and everyone watching could scarcely manage to come up with a sentiment any more profound than that of, "BASEBALL. OH MAN, BASEBALL."

This is why we watch. Baseball simply does not get any better than this, and no other sport on its best day can ever hope to match moments such as these.

So now we move beyond 2011 and into the postseason. Let us root for the Brewers. Let us root for the Rays. Let us root for the Diamondbacks and the Tigers and the Rangers. Let us root for baseball at its most glorious, at its most profound and affecting. Let us enjoy these next few weeks, for the winter is long and devoid of this glorious game. We will continue to be here talking about the feelings that the postseason and the hot stove and all that malarkey will bring, but baseball is now entering its yearly twilight.

This is going to be one hell of a postseason, my dear friends. Let's all be baseball fans together, for there is surely no greater thing.

Merciless 15-2 Victory Eliminates Giants From Wild Card

herp derp

Well, it's pretty apt that the single most horrid game of the year was the one that knocked the Giants out of everything. Baggs has a full rundown on all the facts you need to know about this putrid abomination of a baseball game. It started with an umpire standing in the way of an easy grounder and nearly concussing Mike Fontenot, and ended with a power outage and every pitcher in the Giants bullpen successively shitting a parade of beds.

Although 2012 could potentially be a better season and could potentially be a worse season, at least the bright side is that it's improbable that many, if any games in 2012 will be as bad or worse than this one. Let's all root for Matt Kemp to win the triple crown and for the Brewers to win the pennant, shall we?

So Your Team's Not Going to the Playoffs

It's down to the home stretch of the season, and it's pretty clear at this point who's going on to the postseason, and who isn't. Odds are good that your team didn't make the cut. Perhaps you have no idea with whom to cast your rooting lot, and why. We here at Baseball Feelings are pleased to present you with a rooting guide for the postseason that goes beyond the standard "Just root against the Yankees and Phillies." (But not too far beyond that.)

If your eliminated team plays in the NL West: Root for the Brewers. The Brewers have a fun, old-school team of unapologetic mashers, and they've never won a World Series. Ever. They've only been to one, in fact. The year that they won the AMERICAN LEAGUE pennant. The Brewers have the best uniform in baseball, even if it's just their Friday home alternate throwback jersey. They have a bunch of guys that are totally worth rooting for (Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun, Casey McGehee, Corey Hart, John Axford), and probably the most polarizing dude in MLB, Nyjer "Tony Plush" Morgan. I love the guy, but I love most people in sports who are open, unapologetic pricks. Dude's hilarious. Seeing him freak out like in the above picture when he hits a seeing-eye single is a true joy. This is the Brewers best shot at grabbing a championship for the foreseeable future, and it's always fun to see a storied franchise win it all for the first time ever. If you need a further reason to root for them, there's this: when they went to Houston to play the Astros recently, the whole team dressed up like cowboys just to be dicks.

If your eliminated team plays in the NL East or NL Central: Root for the Diamondbacks. They're an exciting, fun young team that broke out at least a year ahead of schedule and is woefully unappreciated by a tepid fanbase that would rather boo Prince Fielder and kick all of the brown people out of their state than show up and root for their team. This is a team worth rooting for, but they're in the thick of a playoff-berth-clinching run of playing insanely good baseball, and they're playing it in front of half-empty crowds. Justin Upton is one of those rare dudes who keeps coming up in key situations, and you just KNOW he's launching a moonshot, or smashing a double off the wall to clear the bases. Paul Goldschmidt just showed up out of nowhere, fully formed as a dude who hits no-stride taters with terrifying frequency. It's really amazing what Kirk Gibson has been able to do with this team this year. Oh yeah, Kirk Gibson is the manager of the Diamondbacks. It's worth watching their games for no other reason than to see him hobble out to the mound on his peg legs for every pitching change.

If you can't get enough of the status quo: Root for the Phillies or the Braves. There's technically nothing wrong with either team, and they both have one or two players you can get behind (Roy Halladay and Freddie Freeman, for example). But there's nothing really exciting or inspiring about either team.

Dan Uggla hit like a maniac for thirty games and almost made people forget that he's not really a consistent hitter, is a nightmare at second base, and is definitely the type of dude who kisses his own biceps while flexing at the mirror nightly. The most exciting players on the Braves are their bullpen guys. They for some unknown reason stuck with Freeman all year while mishandling Jason Heyward worse than anyone not named "Brandon Belt." They've been in the playoffs every year you've been alive. Oh yeah, and their big rally starter is everyone in the stadium being as racist as they can in unison.

Over on the Phillies side, they're a Philadelphia team, with all that entails. They have a ridiculously good, highly-hyped pitching staff. They have Raul Ibanez and Shane Victorino, two of the most thoroughly unlikeable baseball players of our generation. And they've got Hunter Pence, the creepiest creep that ever crabwalked onto a baseball diamond.

If your eliminated team plays in the AL East: Root for the Texas Rangers. They made it to their first World Series last year, and have a stronger team this season that could take them all the way. Their single biggest weakness is their manager, Ron Washington, who seems to believe that shooting oneself in one's foot is a surefire way to keep the opposing team offguard. (It rarely works.)

If your eliminated team plays in the AL West: Root for the Detroit Tigers, if for no other reason than to show support for our own beloved Neil. They've got Justin Verlander, and he's the most exciting pitcher in the American League. Their best hitter likes to get loaded and make friends with cops. What's not to like?

If you have no particular rooting interest: Root for the Red Sox. They're a really fun team that just goes out and scores run after run after run until the other team is in tears. They've got three legitimate MVP candidates in their starting lineup every day. They signed a guy to a contract for a hundred years and a million billion dollars so they could bat him seventh in the lineup. That's some depth, bro. It's always fun to see the Red Sox win a World Series. Well, for now. Maybe if they win one or two more it will start getting old. But it's still fun for now!

If you're a Yankees fan: Root for the Yankees. That's the only reason to.

Giants Go Ahead and Pack it in for the Season

Shed a tear for this beautiful man.

About 30 minutes before game time last night, I suddenly realized, "Oh yeah, I need to do a write-up about Monday's game." Then it dawned on me that I'd have to write about Tim Lincecum having perhaps the worst start of his career while the Giants were two-hit by a less-than-replacement pitcher with an ERA of over 6.00. So I went back to whatever I was doing instead (nothing).

Last night, the Giants unloaded the big guns for two entire runs. Sadly, the Cubs scored five. The Giants actually had ten hits, but on three (THREE!) separate occasions, Carlos Beltran stranded them to end the inning. Carlos Beltran doesn't want to be on this team, and that kind of hurts, but you can't really blame him. He thought he was going to the playoffs. Shame about that.

The Diamondbacks are six games in first place, and have a three game series with the Giants this weekend. It's not quite the end of the road for the Giants just yet, but it likely will be come Monday. Sometime between Saturday night and the beginning of the game yesterday, I resigned myself to acknowledging that the Giants aren't going to make the playoffs, and that it's been one hell of a season, and that I still love these guys and stranger things have happened, and that 2012 can only get better by default. It helped last night's game go down a lot smoother. I'll still be watching, cheering, recapping, tweeting, and grumbling about things, but the sense of "WE CAN DO THIS" is winding down. They can't do this, actually. Not these guys. The Diamondbacks are unstoppable, or at least they're unstoppable until the first round of playoffs, when they get unscrupulously manhandled by the Braves, Brewers, or Phillies.

Next year, fellas. Next year.

Tony LaRussa is a Terrible Person

Tony LaRussa signals for the rarely-used "double beanball."

In addition to my beloved Giants, I have been paying close attention to the NL Central race this season. The Reds, favorites to repeat as division champs, have fallen by the wayside, leaving a three-horse race between the lovable Milwaukee Brewers, the scandalous St. Louis "Yankees of the West" Cardinals, and the surprising feel-good story that is the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Although it does not seem as though the Pirates will truly be able to hang in this race, it has become vitally important that Tony "I Have Shingles" LaRussa's Redbirds do not advance to the playoffs. If it can't be the Pirates, I would love for it to be the Brewers that knocks them off their "perch" as it were. (birds) The Brewers and Cardinals went head to head over the past three days in a series that looks to have huge playoff ramifications.

Craig Calcaterra over at Hardball Talk has been breaking down the LaRussa news from the series extremely well, but I'd like to add my two cents on the matter.

To recap: last night's game went to extra innings. At one point, Pujols was up with two on and one out, and he leads the league in hitting into double plays. The Brewers pitcher accidentally plunked him, and LaRussa thought it was intentional. To "retaliate" he had his pitcher plunk Ryan Bruan to lead off the next inning. At a different point, Cards catcher Yadier Molina was called out on a close pitch and charged at the umpire, bumping him and covering him in spittle as he screamed at him in a display that would make any number of Alomars blush. At yet another point, Brewers fans were heckling LaRussa and one of them repeatedly yelled "I hope you get shingles again," which is hilarious but Tony felt it was over the line. As a show of gamesmanship, after the Cardinals won the extra-innings affair, LaRussa took the time to yell at and insult the fans behind the Cardinals dugout. What a leader!

Tony LaRussa has been labeled a "genius" by most baseball journalists. He's a "genius" in the sense that Phil Jackson is a "genius," which is to say that he's been fortunate enough to be the manager of teams with deep pockets, an embarrassment of talent, and well-stocked medicine cabinets. He piloted the juiced-to-the-gills Canseco/McGwire A's to three World Series in a row (and one title), then jumped to St. Louis, where the even-more-juiced McGwire revitalized baseball by having enormous forearms. He hung around until the Cardinals brought in a gigantic crop of mashers, and let the do-you-seriously-believe-he-isn't-on-the-gas Albert Pujols lead them to another couple World Series and another title.*

I'm not saying just anyone can have a pitcher bat in the eight-hole and let their chemical freaks pound on small-market teams, but LaRussa has a particular knack for it. He also has a knack for looking like a sore loser and taking himself too seriously at all times, even during victories.

Compounding the LaRussa problem is the fact that St. Louis fans have a reputati0n as being "the best fans in baseball" and have really let it go to their heads. Since about 2005, the Cardinals have slowly become the least likable team in baseball this side of the Yankess (and/or, depending on which side your bread is buttered, the Red Sox or Phillies). Even the contemptible Braves have a handful of people that are fun or worthy of rooting for. The Cardinals win with such a false veneer of "heh, had it all the way" that should only ever be present in the Bronx, and whine and cry whenever anything should dare not go their way. They even ran Colby Rasmus out of town on a rail when he (and his dad, to be fair) took umbrage with LaRussa or Cards brass, depending on which story your listening to.

But enough of me and my sour grapes. If the Diamondbacks sent a message in their "statement series" against the Giants, the Brewers unfurled a banner reading "HOW MY ASS TASTE" in twenty-foot-high letters and hoisted it above Miller Field this weekend. They lost a close game two, but came out swinging today, with Casey McGehee knocking three dingers and sent the Cards home in a huff. It was really, really awesome.

Lest I fail to mention it: not only did St. Louis send Rasmus packing before the trade deadline, but their big pickup was the .191-batting Rafael Furcal. That'll put butts in seats. You don't win titles with Furcals, QED.

* For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with PEDs, and I don't think they should be illegal, and I certainly don't think any athlete should be vilified for using them. If you think there's any professional athlete out there who isn't using SOMETHING, you're nuts. The only thing that rankles me is that Pujols has this squeaky-clean rep and is supposedly universally beloved, but the dude strikes me as twice the asshole Bonds ever was. Anyway, juice away, dudes. Chicks love the longball.

These Pitchers Are Good: Giants over Brewers, 2-1

Human anime character Ryan Braun's disappointment is palpable.

Do you know how many walks Madison Bumgarner has allowed since June 1? Two. Look at every one of his metrics besides W-L record and prepare to have your mind blown. Then look at his age. Yeah, that says "21." That sound? Your mind, being blown once again.

Do you know how many runs the Giants bullpen has allowed since the All-Star Break? One. You don't even know how amazing that is. Your puny brain can't even comprehend it.

Brian Wilson must have read my post-San Diego blog where I talked about what a lousy closer he is, because on Saturday night he threw a five-pitch save, and Sunday afternoon he struck out Fielder looking, induced a Rickie Weeks fly to right, and struck out Yuniesky Betancourt swinging. The Fielder at-bat was both his most important and best retired batter since a little gem you may remember:

The Giants pitching staff is so unbelievable that the Giants -- who have maybe two active roster members hitting above league average -- have the fifth-best record in baseball. They have taken 18 of 22 three-game series this season. THEY'RE WINNING GAMES WITHOUT RUNS. MLB should rename the Cy Young Award "The 2011 Giants Pitching Staff Award."

So the Giants remain four games in front of the Diamondbacks and helped the Pirates reclaim a share of first place in the NL Central. Unfortunately, the Giants have seven games on the road against the Phillies and the Reds. Who do the Diamondbacks play their next seven games against? The Padres and the Dodgers, that's who. Yeah. The Phillies series should be nice and gut-wrenching. It's really a worst-case scenario because the Giants will not be facing Cliff Lee nor Roy Halladay, who they really beat the piss out of. Please see below for photographic evidence.

It's going to be a crazy week, and the Giants may -- just may -- emerge on the other side of it clutching a shiny new Carlos Beltran.

- Bill

Giants Win Rad Game 4-2

A catcher! Who can catch the ball!

In truth, I was only able to listen to a half-inning or so before spending a night at the theater (the new staging of Les Miserables is fantastic. Catch the tour if you can.), but looking at the highlights, it looked like a real fun and intense game. The crowd, fueled by master showman Tony Plush, was as raucous and engaged as a hometown crowd can get in a non-playoff game. This was a big one, and contributions up and down the lineup on both offense and defense were appreciated.

The Giants go for the series win today, and regardless of the outcome, it should be lively. I am excited.

Less "A Game" and More "A Big Bag of Butts," Brewers Over Giants 4-2

Okay, see that up there? That's Eli Whiteside, the guy who was the Giants' starting catcher today, being unable to catch a baseball thrown from left field. He catches the ball, the Brewers score one less run, which the Giants actually have a chance to overcome. Two runs? Not a chance.

Putting that aside, the Brewers have been lousy on the road all season. Seriously lousy. They come to AT&T and score four runs off of Matt Cain, which, adjusted for park and pitcher, is like two hundred and seventy-three runs. The Brewers are supposed to have insanely, laughably bad defense, yet Nyjer "Tony Plush" Morgan was running hither and yon, tracking down scalded line drives and grabbing his crotch at the entirety of the bleachers, then flipping off the field level seats. (An aside: T-Plush is the absolute best. He's the Ochocinco of baseball, but with less talent. I'm planning on obtaining a "PLUSH 2" Brewers throwback jersey at some point in the next few months. I just don't like when he's playing against the Giants. My rooting interests clash. It's messy.) Casey McGehee and Corey Hart were making sparkling plays. I watched most of the Brewers/Diamondbacks series. Two days ago, K-Rod couldn't throw a strike to save his life. Tonight, he strikes out a pair of Giants and makes a pinch-hitting Brandon Belt have his worst-looking at-bat of the year. When Brandon Belt is up there looking like Anthony Rizzo --or, worse, like a left-handed Aaron Rowand -- that's very, very bad.

So the Giants offense looked like the Giants offense, and Matt Cain had one of his worst starts -- four runs? Are you kidding me?? -- and the Brewers lived up to none of their expectations, all in the worst way. It wasn't the worst game of the year by any means. Heck, I'll even heap praise on Aaron freaking Rowand. He had probably the most impressive pinch hit home run this season, by anyone on any team. Watch some replays. The location of that pitch he hit was totally unreal. Plus, the Rockies beat the Diamondbacks, so it's not like any true damage was done.

Still, an offense is needed. Sorely needed. If the Phillies are closing in on B.J. Upton, maybe the Giants could still land Carlos Beltran. I'd give up Zach Wheeler for a rental at this point, sorry to say. My guess is a deal won't be made until the deadline, and it will be a deal that sends Gary Brown away for, oh, let's say Ivan Rodriguez. I want to believe in Sabean, but I'm thinking that this season is one of his classic trades where he lays an egg.

- Bill

Brandon Motherfucking Belt: Giants Win, 5-3

This is the power I wield: not one hour after bemoaning the fate of Brandon Belt, the Giants call him up, and started him at first base, due to a "tight back" for Aubrey Huff. What does Belt do? Oh, just gets the Giants on the board with a sweet home run onto the arcade in his first at-bat, and rips a sensational two-out, two-run double down the opposite line (off a lefty) to put the Giants on top for good. Brandon Belt, god damn it.

Madison Bumgarner didn't get Sadison Bumgarnered for once, as the Giants score more than three runs for him at home for the first time this year. Even Brandon Crawford had a hit and two walks. Oh also, the Giants placed Miguel Tejada on the DL and traded some minor league C-level arms for the Astros' Jeff Keppinger, a league-average utility guy/middle infielder, which immediately gives the Giants an upgraded position. Nate Schierholtz had his first bad game in two weeks but still had a couple solid at-bats and a hit, so between him, Belt, and Sandoval, that's three more hitters than the Giants had a month ago. Get a for-real league-average catcher in there, and ALL BETS ARE OFF.

This was a good game. Giants try to avoid the sweep tomorrow on a getaway day against Clayton Kershaw. The snakes got mauled by the Brewers in the desert. Let's do this.

Giants Squeeze Out Series Win, Beat Padres 4-3 in 11th

Cody Ross shows Brian Wilson how many walks he gave up in that half-inning

The suicide squeeze. Bochy almost never uses it, but he used it yesterday, and it was awesome. The Giants tied a San Francisco record with six stolen bases, which they hadn't done since a Mike Krukow start in 1987. The Giants won another extra-inning game against San Diego, but if Eli Whiteside hadn't spent ten second trying to lie to an umpire while a dude was running to first base, it never would have gone past regulation. So it goes with these schnooks. Thank god for Chris Stewart, who executed two perfect sacrifices, including the game-winning squeeze, and started a game-saving 2-5-4 double-play on a bunt in the bottom of the eleventh. Go to hell, Eli Whiteside.

I've been sort of dancing around this all season, but Brian Wilson really isn't that great of a pitcher, particularly in save situations. "More guts than stuff" is pretty friggin' apt, but I have a feeling that bubble is going to burst at any time. I honestly trust him less than literally any other person in the bullpen, including Santiago Casilla and Jeremy Affeldt. If Sergio Romo were the Giants closer, I would breathe a sigh of relief knowing he was coming in for the ninth. With Wilson, it's how many walks and hits he's going to give up before wrapping the thing up. To be fair, he blows (relatively) very few saves, and I really hope for him to do well. When his stuff is working, it's ridiculously nasty, but all too often he is counting on a notoriously wide strike zone, nibbles at corners and ends up walking dudes, and either doesn't trust his filthiest pitches or can't find them. I can't think of a time where Wilson has come in for a save and I've thought, "Oh, we've got this one." Doesn't happen. But I guess that's what makes being a Giants fan so stressful/exciting, and I guess that's more fun and entertaining in the long run than games where you just score a billion runs and don't have to worry about saves at all. Phillies and Yankees and Red Sox and Rangers fans must be just so bored.

I was actively rooting for the Dodgers all weekend, but the Diamondbacks proved too much for them. Now I'm expecting the Dodgers to roll into AT&T and take two of three while stealing all of the guest towels and busking for bus fare back home. The Diamondbacks are hosting the Brewers, who I'm hoping just maul and annihilate them for three straight, but the snakes gave them fits back in Milwaukee, so who even knows any more.

Pennant fever: catch it!

On Offense

There's a lot of baseball teams that I find very exciting this season. I'm really into the Pirates and their young, speedy contact guys and solid pitching. If everything does well, they're going to have a simply exhilarating team in a couple of seasons.

I like almost everything about the Brewers. I love their stadium. I love Bob Uecker. Their Friday throwback uniforms are probably the best-looking uniform in baseball and it's a real shame it's not their everyday outfit. They have a player named Nyjer Morgan whose "on-field name" is Tony Plush, and he's the best interview in baseball. I have trouble reconciling Prince Fielder's dickish and outright cheating antics with my love of massive-armed fat vegan dudes who crush deep home runs. I have trouble reconciling my hatred of Mark Teixiera facial expressions on Elijah Wood's face with the awesome baseball that Dave Braun plays. But most of all, I love that the Brewers are not the Cardinals.

There are a lot of teams that are fun or interesting to watch for a ton of very different reasons. The 2011 Mariners, Mets, Diamondbacks, Blue Jays, and Indians are fascinating thus far. It's been a spectacular baseball season, and we're only just into June.

But the truth is, since I got back into baseball full-bore in about 1999 after a really unfortunate few-year absence (the departure of Will Clark in the pre-internet, pre-MLB.tv era coincided with my abrupt cessation from playing organized baseball during my adolescence), my second-favorite team has been the Boston Red Sox. It made a lot more sense at the time. The Giants were the West Coast Red Sox, so why not root for another set of talented, hard-luck losers?

Having your favorite team play in a separate league from your second-favorite team is essentially like having two favorite teams. Also, watching these two maligned teams win historic World Series within six years of one another is...well, it's still sort of hard to believe. Especially considering the collapses of the seemingly-unstoppable Giants teams of 1987, 1989, 1993, 1997, 2000, and 2002, and basically every Red Sox season before 2004.

The Giants have a rich history of fearsome mashers. Will the Thrill, Stretch, the Say-Hey Kid, the Hackman, Matt "no nickname" Williams, Kevin Mitchell, Ellis Burks, Jeff Kent, and some guy named Barry. Since Number 25 departed, however, the Giants have had pitchers. Boy, have they ever had pitchers! On offense, they've had Randy Winn, Brian Bocock, Manny Burriss, John Bowker, Dave Roberts, Edgar Renteria, the old and fat version of Bengie Molina, and [see today's lineup].

The American League and the National league are fundamentally different. You watch the two different leagues and it's clear that they're two different leagues. But you watch a Giants game and then watch a Red Sox game...and it's two different solar systems. When a Giants starter gives up a run, you can honestly feel the Giants fan hivemind wail in despair. How can they possibly overcome this deficit? You run through the options. Who's up next inning? Huff? He'll roll one to the right side. Schierholtz and Ross might get a base hit or walk between them, but...oh, no. Rowand! God forbid the one good hitter in that day's lineup is leadoff off the next inning. Getting stranded after a leadoff double is even worse than three slow rollers to second base. Watching a Giants game in 2011 is slow and agonizing. How can they overcome a two-run deficit? It's just not possible! Evey Giants run scored is a tiny miracle, an anomaly. A Bret Hart loogie in the eye of God/Vince McMahon. Every Giants pitcher takes the field knowing they're going to have to be essentially perfect or that's the ballgame. Every Giants hitter stands at the plate knowing they're going to mess this one up. Those of us watching at home can't believe that Barry was here as recently as 2007. That can't be right, we think. That was a million years ago. Two million.

Watching a Red Sox game after a 2-0 Giants loss or a 2-1 Giants win is like the feeling you must get immediately following a complete mental break. So this is insanity. Huh. It's pretty crazy! The Red Sox go out and wallop the ball. Just absolutely abuse the thing. Ellsbury and Crawford hit triples. Pedroia and Youkilis bring them home. Gonzalez and Ortiz launch taters to every field. The runs just pile up and up, a seemingly inexhaustible supply. John Lackey might give up five runs in an inning, and you can see the Sox players look at one another and shrug. "Gee, I guess we'll just have to hit more home runs next inning. No big deal. It's what we do."

It's ridiculous that the Red Sox can have such an embarrassment of riches when it comes to putting up crooked numbers. Sure, you can point to their payroll and to the difference in play in the DH league. But the Red Sox team philosophy that Theo Epstein scrawled on the whiteboard in his office are the letters "OBP" crossed out, and below that, the words "HOME RUNZ" two feet high.

It's going to be very interesting for the rest of the 2011 season. The Giants have a phenomenal pitching staff, and no offense. None available, and none forthcoming. The Red Sox have a lineup of fearsome cave trolls that hit baseballs so hard the baseballs evaporate, and the umpires are forced to award the batters "super-homers" which count for twice the normal runs. I've always wanted to see a Giants-Red Sox World Series, and this might be the craziest year for that to happen. I don't believe it will, though. I don't believe the Giants can make it this far.

Pitching wins ballgames, sure. The Giants proved that last year. But you have to put a number on the board first. The Giants can't do that consistently. Sometimes they can't do it at all. The Red Sox have nothing but numbers. Sometimes they let their opponents score 4 or 5 or 7 runs, because they feel bad there's no mercy rule. "Sorry about the 16 runs, fellas. We're gonna just throw underhand for a while. No hard feelings, yeah?"

I like watching fantastic pitching that makes great hitters look like fools. I also like watching 500-foot home runs and three-run doubles off the wall. With my two favorite teams I get the best of both worlds.

Still about 100 games left. It's going to be one hell of a season.

- Bill

Giants and Brewers have Sucking Contest, Brewers Suck Slightly Less, Win 3-2

Aaron Rowand delivers a mighty kick to the nuts of Will Nieves

Well, the Giants did the unthinkable today: scored two runs to come from behind and tie a ballgame late while fielding their absolute worst lineup. Imagine if their good players had been in there today! Well, anyway, it's good that they can break up a no-hitter and end up getting more hits than their opponent, even if they can't score any runs. It's the moral victories that matter, I suppose. Not more than actual victories, but you know. The Giants will take what they can get.

The rubber game is tomorrow and Brandon Belt is rumored to get some of those elusive "at-bats" the kids are always talking about these days. I hope he hits five home runs, one of which bounces back into the Giants dugout and breaks Aubrey Huff's hand or something.

Brandon Crawford. Eli Whiteside. Giants Win, 5-4

Image courtesy of the incomparable Natto.

Brandon Crawford, promoted from high-A, hit a grand slam in his first major league game. Eli Whiteside countered Prince Fielder's forearm shiver with a Falcon Punch. The Giants win a vitally important game, and that is awesome.