Giants Lose 2-1, of Course

Clayton Kershaw has faced the Giants five times this season, and is 5-0. Four of those contests have been against Lincecum. Here's how those games turned out:

KERSHAW VS. LINCECUM
March 31 @ LA (opening day): Dodgers 2, Giants 1
July 20 @ SF: Dodgers 1, Giants 0
Sept. 9 @SF: Dodgers 2, Giants 1
Sept. 20 @LA: Dodgers 2, Giants 1

Also, here's the only other thing you need to know about the Giants behind Tim Lincecum this year, courtesy of Andrew Baggarly:

The Giants have scored one run or fewer in 16 of Lincecum’s 32 starts.

Blech. Not a lot to say here. The Giants could have gained yet another game on the Diamondbacks last night and stayed on pace in the Wild Card hunt, but the warming glow of the 8-game win streak is done, and since Bochy's all-right-handed lineup (with Cody Ross and Pat Burrell conveniently injured) consists of Justin Christian, Mark De Rosa (batting cleanup!), and Orlando Cabrera, the inevitable just got inevitable-er. Gross.

One last thing: Chris Stewart delivered the only Giants run last night, a solo shot for his third home run of both the season and his career. Since Buster Posey died, Stewart has been platooning with Eli Whiteside under the assumption that Whiteside was much better with the bat than Stew. Here are their current slash lines:

Whiteside: .207/.276/.325, 4 HR

Stewart: .211/.291/.323, 3 HR

Whiteside has three more walks than Stewart in 51 more ABs, but he also has FORTY-ONE more strikeouts than Stewart. For dudes hitting almost exclusively in the 8-hole, it's pretty obvious that Stewart is the much, MUCH better option here out of two exceedingly lousy options. Especially when you add in the huge defensive upgrade that Stewart is over Whiteside. Whiteside has at least one catcher interference call against him per start, which is way off the league average of "never" for his position.

Stewart throws out about 40% of baserunners, while Whiteside throws out 26%, which honestly sounds WAYYYYY too high to be right so I must not be looking at the correct numbers there. Everyone runs against Whitey, and he is good for at least a few passed balls per game. He's rotten on both offense and defense, and if nothing else, Stewart's proficiency at sacrificing and making contact makes him a no-brainer in a Poseyless world.

I'm really terrified that Whiteside will be the backup catcher over Stewart or Hector Sanchez next year, and that would be just the worst thing.

Giants Win 9-1? What the H?

Oh, someone left the game with an injury? Whew, still the same team, then.

The Giants offensive juggernaut rolls on in spite of their impending elimination. They've won six straight now, and Brandon Belt has homered in two straight games. Heck, even Chris Stewart managed to hit his second career home run thanks to Coors Field, which is located on a space station orbiting the Earth.

Madison Bumgarner had another frigging incredible start, going 7 innings with no earned runs, and providing the crack-the-game-wide-open moment when he came up with two on and two out and very nearly cranked one out before settling for a two-run double. That was awesome.

Lots of fun little moments in this one, even though Pablo Sandoval was 0-for-4 and Cody Ross leaving the game with a strained hammy after hitting a homer and what would have been a double had he not come up lame. Let's hope this train keeps rolling, playoffs be damned.

Tim Lincecum Deserves So, So Much Better Than This

The Giants scored a run in the bottom of the first inning. They didn't score again. Tim Lincecum allowed one run through eight innings, but the Giants lost. That's how it goes. That's how it goes all the time. I'm wondering whether Tim just counts the days until free agency. I'm wondering whether he's so frustrated at this point at the complete ineptitude of this franchise ever being able to get him some run support that he refuses to sign any sort of long-term contract with the team.

The Giants looked real bad on offense tonight, which is probably the least surprising thing ever. Here's a list of players the Giants didn't use tonight: Sergio Romo, Brandon Crawford, Brandon Belt, Andres Torres, Mike Fontenot. Here's a list of players the Giants did use tonight: Orlando Cabrera, Justin Christian, Brett Pill, Mark De Rosa.

Oh, it would be remiss of me not to mention: Jeremy Affeldt is out for the season after cutting himself trying to pry apart frozen hamburger, and Chris Stewart hurt himself taking a lead off of first base.

Honestly: what the fuck is wrong with this team?

Tim Lincecum Has the Nerve to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

YOU SICKEN ME.

You would think I wouldn't have to keep writing permutations of that headline, but here we are. Not a lot to say about this one, but that's what happens when

1) You're facing a LHP that lefties are hitting over .400 against so you put every available right-hander in your lineup.

2) The Number 2 and Number 6 spots in your lineup are filled by Orlando Cabrera and Miguel Tejada.

3) The rest of your lineup has Aaron Rowand, Aubrey Huff, and Chris Stewart.

4) You pinch-hit Mark De Rosa over Brandon "I Killed Bruce Bochy's Dog While I Was Nailing His Daughter and Looking at Called Strike Three" Belt.

The Diamondbacks were losing, but now they're in a rain delay. Will the game get called? Will the Diamondbacks pull off another come-from-behind win? Who gives a crap, the Giants have a series in Houston to lose.

Giants Manage Not to Mess the Bed, Win 6-0

Chris Stewart has been playing professional baseball for ten years. He's a plus-defense catcher with a great, if not entirely accurate, arm. He seems like the nicest dude in the world, and although he's not the offensive threat that Eli Whiteside is (note: Eli Whiteside can hardly be considered an "offensive threat" by any stretch), he doesn't fill you with cold terror every time Tim Lincecum throws a breaking ball in the dirt. This is important. Tim Lincecum is famously particular about his catchers, and the fact that he usually wants to throw to Stewart above Whiteside should tell you a lot.

The Whiteside/Stewart platoon that has been foisted upon us from that fateful day that Buster Posey's ankle flew to smithereens has been tough to watch on the best of days, but Eli Whiteside's bunny-hopping in front of Shane Victorino last week finally made the city of San Francisco chuckle to themselves and say, "Hey, maybe Whitey's okay after all." (Note: Eli Whiteside's nickname is actually "Whitey" because why not.)

It helps that he also made a sweet tackle.

And it also helps that he made a sweet catch on a foul bunt.

And yes, Eli Whiteside even hit a home run in that horrible losing effort that firmly entrenched the Phillies as loathsome arch-fiends in the mind of every Giants fan from now until forever. That has long been the dividing line between Whiteside and Stewart: Eli Whiteside hits home runs a few times a year. Chris Stewart has never hit a major-league home run.

Until last night. Chris Stewart took a first pitch over the left-field wall for his first career home run, and man alive was it a great moment. The grin on his face when he was greeted on the top step by Guillermo "Two Career Home Runs" Mota was possibly my favorite moment of the year. I'm really happy for the guy. Moreso than I'm happy the Giants were able to give Madison Bumgarner a dominating win when they all needed one most. Stay alive, bats. Please, please stay alive.

Lots of stories here. Huff possibly beginning to bounce back. Sergio Romo continuing his dominance. Madison Bumgarner doing historically fantastic things that no freshly-turned-22-year-old has any right doing. But I'm sticking with the Tale of Two Catchers (But Most Importantly the Catcher I Like Best).

So here's to you, Chris Stewart. Here's to your fist-pumping after big strikeouts. Here's to your amazingly fast unloads that sometimes result in fantastic plays. Here's to you being the best sac bunter the Giants have. But here's to you hitting a home run for a major league baseball team, which is forever at #1 on my "Best Feats You Could Accomplish in Life" list.

Giants Win Rad Game 4-2

A catcher! Who can catch the ball!

In truth, I was only able to listen to a half-inning or so before spending a night at the theater (the new staging of Les Miserables is fantastic. Catch the tour if you can.), but looking at the highlights, it looked like a real fun and intense game. The crowd, fueled by master showman Tony Plush, was as raucous and engaged as a hometown crowd can get in a non-playoff game. This was a big one, and contributions up and down the lineup on both offense and defense were appreciated.

The Giants go for the series win today, and regardless of the outcome, it should be lively. I am excited.

Giants Squeeze Out Series Win, Beat Padres 4-3 in 11th

Cody Ross shows Brian Wilson how many walks he gave up in that half-inning

The suicide squeeze. Bochy almost never uses it, but he used it yesterday, and it was awesome. The Giants tied a San Francisco record with six stolen bases, which they hadn't done since a Mike Krukow start in 1987. The Giants won another extra-inning game against San Diego, but if Eli Whiteside hadn't spent ten second trying to lie to an umpire while a dude was running to first base, it never would have gone past regulation. So it goes with these schnooks. Thank god for Chris Stewart, who executed two perfect sacrifices, including the game-winning squeeze, and started a game-saving 2-5-4 double-play on a bunt in the bottom of the eleventh. Go to hell, Eli Whiteside.

I've been sort of dancing around this all season, but Brian Wilson really isn't that great of a pitcher, particularly in save situations. "More guts than stuff" is pretty friggin' apt, but I have a feeling that bubble is going to burst at any time. I honestly trust him less than literally any other person in the bullpen, including Santiago Casilla and Jeremy Affeldt. If Sergio Romo were the Giants closer, I would breathe a sigh of relief knowing he was coming in for the ninth. With Wilson, it's how many walks and hits he's going to give up before wrapping the thing up. To be fair, he blows (relatively) very few saves, and I really hope for him to do well. When his stuff is working, it's ridiculously nasty, but all too often he is counting on a notoriously wide strike zone, nibbles at corners and ends up walking dudes, and either doesn't trust his filthiest pitches or can't find them. I can't think of a time where Wilson has come in for a save and I've thought, "Oh, we've got this one." Doesn't happen. But I guess that's what makes being a Giants fan so stressful/exciting, and I guess that's more fun and entertaining in the long run than games where you just score a billion runs and don't have to worry about saves at all. Phillies and Yankees and Red Sox and Rangers fans must be just so bored.

I was actively rooting for the Dodgers all weekend, but the Diamondbacks proved too much for them. Now I'm expecting the Dodgers to roll into AT&T and take two of three while stealing all of the guest towels and busking for bus fare back home. The Diamondbacks are hosting the Brewers, who I'm hoping just maul and annihilate them for three straight, but the snakes gave them fits back in Milwaukee, so who even knows any more.

Pennant fever: catch it!

Giants Beat Padres 6-1, Move 4 Games into First Place

Andres Torres -- FROZEN IN CARBONITE

Well, Pablo's hitting streak comes to an end, but it's fun winning baseball games by a comfortable margin for a change. I'm sure that will dry up, just like I'm sure Aubrey Huff will continue to roll grounders over to the second baseman and swing at balls in the dirt for strike three. When you're hitting worse than Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand, Chris Stewart, Eli Whiteside, and Tim Lincecum, YOU SHOULDN'T BE THE STARTING FIRST BASEMAN. At one point when I was scoring last Saturday's game in San Francisco, Huff was at bat, and I decided to just go ahead and write in "4-3." A pitch later, he came through for me. It's a good thing, since I was keeping score in pen.

In conclusion, FREE BELT.

GAME TWO: Giants 6, Cubs 3: what is this i don't even

Show a little decorum Cody, geez.

Thankfully, the "expecting the worst" approach worked pretty well. Barry Zito only gave up two runs on an unfortunate homer, which is better than most were expecting. The Giants scored 19 runs in two games today, which not only brought them back to a positive run differential, but also took them from dead last in the majors in terms of offense, to fifth-worst. A momentous day, to be certain.

So the Giants have won seven in a row now. Somehow. Literally everyone got a hit today (except Barry Zito, but let's not be silly dudes). Manny Burriss got his first extra-base hit since 2007. Cody Ross and Pablo Sandoval barely -- BARELY -- missed home runs. The Giants are still kind of lousy at getting hits with runners in scoring position, but on the other hand, Nate Schierholtz is a two-strike clutch-hit machine.

Something else that's come out of the past week: Chris Stewart. He got called up to be Eli Whiteside's backup catcher when that whole...you know... thing went down. The line on him was that he was a good defensive catcher who was slightly worse than Eli Whiteside with the bat. (Which is kind of like saying that a dude with his upper body on fire is slightly less on fire than a guy with his whole body on fire.) But Whiteside kept letting every ball get past him, couldn't throw out a single base runner, and hit Eli Whiteside-level bad. He caught like four games in a row a couple weeks ago and then went "Oh, my body," and sat in a tub of ice for a bunch of days. While old greyhead was trying to keep his kneecaps from sliding down into his feet, Stewart started a mess of games, blocked tons of pitches, hosed all kinds of fools (seriously, he has a major cannon), called spectacular games, and his fist pumps got the fans and his pitchers fired up, all while hitting well above the Eli Whiteside line. As a bonus, his face is way less punchable than Eli's, which is nice. The Giants still have their eye on Yorvit Torrealba or whoever because they clearly need a real, actual catcher, but I am a huge fan of Stewart now. I'll take him over Whiteside, even though Whitey once hit a grand slam, and that was pretty neat. Also, his nickname is "Whitey."