Giants Lose 2-1, of Course

Clayton Kershaw has faced the Giants five times this season, and is 5-0. Four of those contests have been against Lincecum. Here's how those games turned out:

KERSHAW VS. LINCECUM
March 31 @ LA (opening day): Dodgers 2, Giants 1
July 20 @ SF: Dodgers 1, Giants 0
Sept. 9 @SF: Dodgers 2, Giants 1
Sept. 20 @LA: Dodgers 2, Giants 1

Also, here's the only other thing you need to know about the Giants behind Tim Lincecum this year, courtesy of Andrew Baggarly:

The Giants have scored one run or fewer in 16 of Lincecum’s 32 starts.

Blech. Not a lot to say here. The Giants could have gained yet another game on the Diamondbacks last night and stayed on pace in the Wild Card hunt, but the warming glow of the 8-game win streak is done, and since Bochy's all-right-handed lineup (with Cody Ross and Pat Burrell conveniently injured) consists of Justin Christian, Mark De Rosa (batting cleanup!), and Orlando Cabrera, the inevitable just got inevitable-er. Gross.

One last thing: Chris Stewart delivered the only Giants run last night, a solo shot for his third home run of both the season and his career. Since Buster Posey died, Stewart has been platooning with Eli Whiteside under the assumption that Whiteside was much better with the bat than Stew. Here are their current slash lines:

Whiteside: .207/.276/.325, 4 HR

Stewart: .211/.291/.323, 3 HR

Whiteside has three more walks than Stewart in 51 more ABs, but he also has FORTY-ONE more strikeouts than Stewart. For dudes hitting almost exclusively in the 8-hole, it's pretty obvious that Stewart is the much, MUCH better option here out of two exceedingly lousy options. Especially when you add in the huge defensive upgrade that Stewart is over Whiteside. Whiteside has at least one catcher interference call against him per start, which is way off the league average of "never" for his position.

Stewart throws out about 40% of baserunners, while Whiteside throws out 26%, which honestly sounds WAYYYYY too high to be right so I must not be looking at the correct numbers there. Everyone runs against Whitey, and he is good for at least a few passed balls per game. He's rotten on both offense and defense, and if nothing else, Stewart's proficiency at sacrificing and making contact makes him a no-brainer in a Poseyless world.

I'm really terrified that Whiteside will be the backup catcher over Stewart or Hector Sanchez next year, and that would be just the worst thing.

Giants Sweep Padres, Announce 2012 Will Be Horrible

This is how hard I don't care. (Courtesy of SabeanMetrics Suparblog)

The Giants had an exciting couple of games. Matt Cain pitched amazingly on Tuesday, the bullpen blew a lead, and the Giants won on a walk-off twelfth inning hit by Mark DeRosa while Carlos Beltran plugged his ears in the dugout and sang "My Country 'Tis of Thee" at the top of his lungs. Tim Lincecum pitched amazingly on Wednesday while Carlos Beltran hit is 299th and 300th career home runs, the latter of which was a splash hit. I had a lot to say about these games and how I'm torn between really wanting Beltran to come back in 2012 but he clearly loathes every second in San Francisco.

But after today's win, the Giants announced they were cutting ties with their CEO Bill Neukom, AKA "That guy who oversaw the only World Series title ever for San Francisco." This was shocking, but was topped by the reason given for his dismissal: The owners were not happy with the way he ran the club, pointing out that he increased payroll this year and spent money too freely, when the ownership was hoping they would be building a "rainy day fund for leaner years." This is horrifying, and it basically telegraphs something the Giants fanbase never suspected. The ownership isn't concerned with continued excellence and competition and playoffs. They're concerned with grabbing as much cash as they can before the glow of the championship season wears off. It's not surprising at all when you realize the only reason that people buy and own professional sports teams is to make off with boatloads upon boatloads of cash. But it comes as a real blindside to San Francisco fans, who never suspected for one second that the ownership would turn into Peter Loria West.

Neukom didn't oversee the Zito or Rowand contracts. He was at the helm when that trophy came home to San Francisco. He did everything he reasonably could to keep the team competitive and attempt a repeat this year, and even with a team decimated by injury all season long, they've pretty much ensured every home game was a sellout for the entire season. I don't know what else he could have done. And the Giants brass wants a smaller payroll and a "rainy day fund." It's infuriating and in one fell stroke we can all see the writing on the wall. Next year will not be good. Not at all. Here are the people who are already on the 2012 payroll:

If they're wanting to cut payroll across the board for a rainy day, it doesn't look like long-term contracts for Cain and Lincecum will be a thing to look forward to. It doesn't look like the roster will be shored up in a thin free agent market during the offseason. It doesn't look like the people who own the Giants have any interest in a Giants team that competes and plays to win. It's hard to wrap my head around right now.

Tim Lincecum Deserves So, So Much Better Than This

The Giants scored a run in the bottom of the first inning. They didn't score again. Tim Lincecum allowed one run through eight innings, but the Giants lost. That's how it goes. That's how it goes all the time. I'm wondering whether Tim just counts the days until free agency. I'm wondering whether he's so frustrated at this point at the complete ineptitude of this franchise ever being able to get him some run support that he refuses to sign any sort of long-term contract with the team.

The Giants looked real bad on offense tonight, which is probably the least surprising thing ever. Here's a list of players the Giants didn't use tonight: Sergio Romo, Brandon Crawford, Brandon Belt, Andres Torres, Mike Fontenot. Here's a list of players the Giants did use tonight: Orlando Cabrera, Justin Christian, Brett Pill, Mark De Rosa.

Oh, it would be remiss of me not to mention: Jeremy Affeldt is out for the season after cutting himself trying to pry apart frozen hamburger, and Chris Stewart hurt himself taking a lead off of first base.

Honestly: what the fuck is wrong with this team?

Bumgarner and Sandoval Crush Padres 7-2

Madison Bumgarner had a good start a few games ago. 8 IP, 0 ER, 11K. He had a pretty good start yesterday, too. 8.1 IP, 2 ER, 13 K. Two games at the tail end of his year 21 season, a year removed from pitching the most innings of his life and being a postseason hero. This dude just turned 22 and is going to be good for a long, long time. He's having a better season than Tim Lincecum. Do you like pitching? Stick around for the next ten years of Madison Bumgarner. It's really going to be something.

On the other end of things, we have Pablo Sandoval. Dude hits multi-homer games and plays third base better than you ever thought a fat guy could. He's wacky, he's got newfound discipline, and he's just getting better. He had a bad sophomore season in 2010, going through a divorce, depression, and every box of Pop'Ems in the immediate vicinity. Now he's the guy who hits RBI ground-rule doubles in the All-Star game and belts homers in Petco Park like it's no big deal.

2012 keeps looking up, and the Giants have these two guys on lockdown for the next several years. That's really exciting. Not to mention Buster Posey, Brandon Belt, and two guys absolutely tearing it up above expectations at the low levels of the minors, Gary Brown and Joe Panik. The future looks good. Let's get there already.

Giants Fall to Diamondbacks, 7-2

/counts money

I'd made my peace with this season a few games ago, and last night's game will still keep me happy and warm for a good long while. So regardless of what happens from here on out, it's real unlikely that the Giants will make the postseason (practically a certainty now with the D-Backs sporting a magic number of 18). I'm fine with that. There's a great sparkly trophy and fancy jersey patches that indicate something fabulous happened not too long ago, and 2012 can only get better. I think that's awesome.

Tim Lincecum didn't have a great game, and the Snakes managed to get lucky on BABIP and take advantage of mistakes while the Giants didn't get lucky breaks but still managed to get two runs against Arizona's ace. That's something. Beltran had another perfect game, going 3-for-3 with a walk, although he did manage to kill a rally by attempting to go from first to second on a medium-deep sac fly.

This was one hell of a season. Seriously. The Giants had a historically injured team, a historically awful offense, and still managed to stay in first place for much of the season, lead the league in walk-off wins, and remain competitive right to the bitter end. It was a ton of fun. A TON of fun. It was also brutally awful at times, but I think things are looking up. It's the calm one must feel before one drowns. So peaceful.

Giants Go Ahead and Pack it in for the Season

Shed a tear for this beautiful man.

About 30 minutes before game time last night, I suddenly realized, "Oh yeah, I need to do a write-up about Monday's game." Then it dawned on me that I'd have to write about Tim Lincecum having perhaps the worst start of his career while the Giants were two-hit by a less-than-replacement pitcher with an ERA of over 6.00. So I went back to whatever I was doing instead (nothing).

Last night, the Giants unloaded the big guns for two entire runs. Sadly, the Cubs scored five. The Giants actually had ten hits, but on three (THREE!) separate occasions, Carlos Beltran stranded them to end the inning. Carlos Beltran doesn't want to be on this team, and that kind of hurts, but you can't really blame him. He thought he was going to the playoffs. Shame about that.

The Diamondbacks are six games in first place, and have a three game series with the Giants this weekend. It's not quite the end of the road for the Giants just yet, but it likely will be come Monday. Sometime between Saturday night and the beginning of the game yesterday, I resigned myself to acknowledging that the Giants aren't going to make the playoffs, and that it's been one hell of a season, and that I still love these guys and stranger things have happened, and that 2012 can only get better by default. It helped last night's game go down a lot smoother. I'll still be watching, cheering, recapping, tweeting, and grumbling about things, but the sense of "WE CAN DO THIS" is winding down. They can't do this, actually. Not these guys. The Diamondbacks are unstoppable, or at least they're unstoppable until the first round of playoffs, when they get unscrupulously manhandled by the Braves, Brewers, or Phillies.

Next year, fellas. Next year.

Giants Manage to Split Series with Remorseless Astros

Great bunch of guys. Shame about the season.

I was able to attend Saturday night's game at AT&T Park, which held all sorts of adventures relating to Tim Lincecum bobblehead day, then became largely uneventful for two hours while the Giants attempted to not get one-hit by the Astros, and culminated with a very exciting walk-off win, perhaps the Giants' last of the season. Eric Surkamp made his major-league pitching debut, fresh up from AA Richmond, and had a shaky but solid start -- quite possibly the best performance from a 5th Giants starter this season.

For a few brief hours after the game on Saturday night, it felt like the first-half 2011 Giants. The insane magic of close games in front of a rabid AT&T crowd. A new contribution from a different player each night. An interchangeable array of improbably good pitching and timely, necessary hits. Then Sunday arrived, and the Giants attempted to not get no-hit by the Astros before blowing a late lead and not holding two extra-innings tie scores.

This team can't hit. The bullpen is gutted. The starting pitchers are fatigued from knowing they'll have to throw a shutout or they're going to lose. The Diamondbacks refuse to lose. The Giants are four games out of first place and their offense isn't waking up. It doesn't show any sign of waking up. They're still fighting their hearts out, but even with a month left, the writing appears to be on the wall. Every day it looks just a little bit more that it's the D-Backs' year.

TIM LINCECUM, Giants Win 2-1

Good eye, ump. (h/t @8thInnWeirdness)

Tim Lincecum is an unstoppable beast. If he was on the Phillies or the Yankees or the Brewers or the Astros, or any other team with an unstoppable offense, he'd be 32-1. He does everything amazingly, even with a...let's say..."questionable" strike zone, as seen above. He'll give you 8 innings and less than two earned runs, all you have to do is give him two to three runs. Sometimes, he'll even bust out his own RBI single that ends up making the difference in the game. Tonight was pretty special.

Carlos Beltran had two hits, including his first home run as a Giant. That was pretty cool. And even though Brandon Belt made a huge baserunning error that culminated in an inning-ending double play, he had three hits, including a triple, and a stolen base. Good thing he was batting seventh! Note to Bruce Bochy: don't bat your hottest, best, and most patient hitter seventh. It's sort of an "unwritten rule."

A series split with the Padres to stay two games back. I'll take it. The Astros come to town tomorrow for a four-game series, and hopefully they won't walk all over the Giants QUITE so much this time around.

Tim Lincecum Has the Nerve to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

YOU SICKEN ME.

You would think I wouldn't have to keep writing permutations of that headline, but here we are. Not a lot to say about this one, but that's what happens when

1) You're facing a LHP that lefties are hitting over .400 against so you put every available right-hander in your lineup.

2) The Number 2 and Number 6 spots in your lineup are filled by Orlando Cabrera and Miguel Tejada.

3) The rest of your lineup has Aaron Rowand, Aubrey Huff, and Chris Stewart.

4) You pinch-hit Mark De Rosa over Brandon "I Killed Bruce Bochy's Dog While I Was Nailing His Daughter and Looking at Called Strike Three" Belt.

The Diamondbacks were losing, but now they're in a rain delay. Will the game get called? Will the Diamondbacks pull off another come-from-behind win? Who gives a crap, the Giants have a series in Houston to lose.

Tim Lincecum. Giants Win, 3-0

"You have wounded me, sir. You have cut me to the quick."

Tim Lincecum. Maybe the Giants will only win every fifth day from now on, but that's cool because Tim Motherfu*king Lincecum. Note to Giants pitching staff: if you really want to win ballgames, throw a three-hit shutout. Idiots. Tim Lincecum has given up one ER in his last three starts. Tim Lincecum.

The most tantalizing news stories of the day all happened outside of Joe Robbie Or Whatever It Is Stadium. Andres Torres, not Carlos "I Ain't Played in a Week" Beltran was placed on the DL, thus allowing the Giants to turn on the Bench Signal and shove Brandon Belt onto a 6AM cross-country flight. Bochy was quoted as basically saying "I'll give him five or six at-bats, and so help me, if he doesn't hit at least four home runs he's never playing again." Belt starts today against a decimated Marlins team, so pray for vengeance.

Did I say "decimated Marlins team"? I did! Immediately after the loss yesterday, the Marlins released Wes "Sugar Shane" Helms and optioned Logan "I Haz Twitter" Morrison to AAA. Morrison is one of the few baseball players who says exactly what he's thinking to reporters, so everyone hates him. He's second on the team in HR and third in RBI so why not ship him off to Louisiana? That'll teach him! /loses 40 of next 50 games

So the Marlins have a far weaker team for the series finale today, but Mike Stanton remains. That dude wins ballgames all by himself. My prediction: Stanton hits five walk-off homers in this one, Giants lose the series. Diamondbacks sweep a triple-header, Giants finish today 4.5 games out of first place.

The final tidbit of news is Barry Zito. Last week, Zito was asked to fake that he had re-injured his foot so they could hide him on the DL while they tried to figure out which disastrous fifth starter they were going to stick with for the rest of the year. In Zito's second "rehab start" last night in Fresno, he wrenched his leg or his knee or his likely-fake-but-now-really-injured foot and had to be helped off the field. If you believe in karma, this is what it looks like. I feel bad for Barry Zito, who with any other contract would be the lovable-goofball underperforming fifth starter, but instead is history's second-greatest monster, behind only the reprehensible Jimmy Carter.

Zito's injury reportedly came when he stumbled attempting to cover first base on a grounder, so the only thing that would make this justice more poetic would be if he slipped in a puddle of Brandon Belt's tears.

Giants Manage Not to Mess the Bed, Win 6-0

Chris Stewart has been playing professional baseball for ten years. He's a plus-defense catcher with a great, if not entirely accurate, arm. He seems like the nicest dude in the world, and although he's not the offensive threat that Eli Whiteside is (note: Eli Whiteside can hardly be considered an "offensive threat" by any stretch), he doesn't fill you with cold terror every time Tim Lincecum throws a breaking ball in the dirt. This is important. Tim Lincecum is famously particular about his catchers, and the fact that he usually wants to throw to Stewart above Whiteside should tell you a lot.

The Whiteside/Stewart platoon that has been foisted upon us from that fateful day that Buster Posey's ankle flew to smithereens has been tough to watch on the best of days, but Eli Whiteside's bunny-hopping in front of Shane Victorino last week finally made the city of San Francisco chuckle to themselves and say, "Hey, maybe Whitey's okay after all." (Note: Eli Whiteside's nickname is actually "Whitey" because why not.)

It helps that he also made a sweet tackle.

And it also helps that he made a sweet catch on a foul bunt.

And yes, Eli Whiteside even hit a home run in that horrible losing effort that firmly entrenched the Phillies as loathsome arch-fiends in the mind of every Giants fan from now until forever. That has long been the dividing line between Whiteside and Stewart: Eli Whiteside hits home runs a few times a year. Chris Stewart has never hit a major-league home run.

Until last night. Chris Stewart took a first pitch over the left-field wall for his first career home run, and man alive was it a great moment. The grin on his face when he was greeted on the top step by Guillermo "Two Career Home Runs" Mota was possibly my favorite moment of the year. I'm really happy for the guy. Moreso than I'm happy the Giants were able to give Madison Bumgarner a dominating win when they all needed one most. Stay alive, bats. Please, please stay alive.

Lots of stories here. Huff possibly beginning to bounce back. Sergio Romo continuing his dominance. Madison Bumgarner doing historically fantastic things that no freshly-turned-22-year-old has any right doing. But I'm sticking with the Tale of Two Catchers (But Most Importantly the Catcher I Like Best).

So here's to you, Chris Stewart. Here's to your fist-pumping after big strikeouts. Here's to your amazingly fast unloads that sometimes result in fantastic plays. Here's to you being the best sac bunter the Giants have. But here's to you hitting a home run for a major league baseball team, which is forever at #1 on my "Best Feats You Could Accomplish in Life" list.

Giants Throw Three Bad Pitches, Lose 3-0

Oh yeah, dude. We're all REAL impressed.

On the surface, there are tons of things to be frustrated about: the Giants not being able to muster a single run against a Cliff Lee that really wasn't impressive last night, the fact that they didn't even get him over 100 pitches until the bottom of the ninth, Aaron Rowand and Cody Ross and everyone else in the lineup seeing the umpire calling inside pitches strikes ALL NIGHT, and still letting themselves get rung up on those pitches again and again and again, the Giants activating Mark DeRosa and sending Brandon Belt to Fresno AGAIN, and blah blah blah.

But you know what?

Madison Bumgarner shut down the Phillies' second-best lineup for six dominating innings after leaving two pitches up in the second and giving up two solo home runs. Santiago Casilla gave up his first run in a month. Hunter "Sure, This Lineup Scores 20 Runs a Game...But What if We Scored Twenty-Five?" Pence drove in two of the three runs. The Phillies looked touchable, but the Giants once again let their offense beat them. Three runs? Hey pal, we're not miracle workers.

It also helps that the Diamondbacks had the day off, meaning the Giants are still technically in first place.

Jonathan Sanchez returns today, meaning tonight's game is the true wild card. Will he pitch another no-hitter? Will he walk 12 in 4.2 innings? No one knows! (It's the second one.) With Cain and Lincecum pitching on Saturday and Sunday, a split is possible. A sweep is more likely. Bring on second place. We might overcome.

Giants Lose Game to Luck Made Flesh, 6-1

The last time I was ever happy.

Yet again, the Giants had absolutely nothing go their way and absolutely everything go the Diamondbacks' way. Tim Lincecum gave up a massive home run to a rookie and there's your ballgame. Aubrey Huff, in a situation where a ground ball to second base would score a run, grounds out to the pitcher instead, and there's your ballgame. Carlos Beltran absolutely demolishes a line drive to the wall that would score a run, but Justin Upton catches it, and there's your ballgame. The Giants get ball four called on what was strike three, and Justin Upton follows the walk with a home run, and there's your ballgame. Javier Lopez -- lefty killer, lefty murderer, lefty annihilator -- is inexplicably brought in to face six right-handed batters in a row, and there's your ballgame.

The Giants only need to win one of these three games to leave this series in first place, and they're not going to do it. They get swept tomorrow and my despair reaches a new low.

Honestly, the only thing I have to go on right now is that the Giants have had SUCH rotten luck, that it HAS to turn around sometime. But there's no offense here, there's no help on the horizon, there's no help forthcoming, Bochy has lost faith in Andres Torres, he won't start Belt over the abysmal Huff, he won't play Burrell when Burrell returns, and the pitching staff is falling apart.

I don't believe the Giants can turn this around enough to take the division. The Diamondbacks aren't slowing down. They're only getting better. Maybe once the Giants snap this losing streak, my outlook will be slightly better, but the Phillies are coming to town next and it's just going to be an absolute mauling.

World Series Champions Defeat Phillies 4-1

The Giants make the Phillies so queasy they get Andy Capp-style nausea bubbles

Today was pretty great. First, the Belt/Burrell rumors weren't true. Then the Padres came back -- twice -- to beat the Diamondbacks, taking some of the pressure off of the Giants. Then Carlos Beltran arrived and said all the right things and didn't look weird in the Giants uniform.

Heck, it almost didn't need a weakened Tim Lincecum to shut down the Phillies for six innings. Almost. Chase Utley can't hit Lincecum. Can't even see him. Jeremy Affeldt? No problem, bro. Utley can crank a double off him no probskis. Lincecum? Utley's standing up there like he's batting against a...g-g-g-ghost!

Beltran went 0-for-4 with a pair of strikeouts. No worries, pal, don't rush things, we'll take it from here. The Phillies lost their first back-to-back games at home since MAY. The Giants took the series. Feels good, man.

In less-than-awesome news, Brian Sabean today pretty much came out and said that Brandon Belt has no chance of winning the starting first baseman job. That stinks out loud, but now that it's out in the open, it's a little easier. Belt will be coming into games late and getting maybe one at-bat per. It's better than nothing. Huff is bound to have SOME positive regression. He certainly can't get much worse. There's also a tiny, tiny, minuscule chance that Sabes is working on a Zito trade. That would be...well, that would just be spiffy.

But for today, a series win. A four-game lead. A shiny new Beltran. I'll take it.

Tim Lincecum Has the Temerity to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

J'accuse!

Even knowing that the Giants were going to avoid the sweep today, even knowing that the Giants were going to look like the merest of chumps against Clayton Kershaw -- as they do -- it was still infuriating to see them trot out the absolute worst lineup I've seen so far this year. (Aaron Rowand batting third!)

Tim Lincecum and the Giants staff were awesome, with Tim giving up one fluke home run to Dioner Navarro -- Dioner Navarro! -- that was fair by inches. The Giants bats were awful, striking out thirteen times (twelve by Kershaw) and only managing three hits. Just the worst game. Hoping for the Brewers to mangle the snakes again, but I'm not holding my breath. O Carlos Beltran, where art thou?

Giants Beat Padres 6-1, Move 4 Games into First Place

Andres Torres -- FROZEN IN CARBONITE

Well, Pablo's hitting streak comes to an end, but it's fun winning baseball games by a comfortable margin for a change. I'm sure that will dry up, just like I'm sure Aubrey Huff will continue to roll grounders over to the second baseman and swing at balls in the dirt for strike three. When you're hitting worse than Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand, Chris Stewart, Eli Whiteside, and Tim Lincecum, YOU SHOULDN'T BE THE STARTING FIRST BASEMAN. At one point when I was scoring last Saturday's game in San Francisco, Huff was at bat, and I decided to just go ahead and write in "4-3." A pitch later, he came through for me. It's a good thing, since I was keeping score in pen.

In conclusion, FREE BELT.

Tim Lincecum Has the Audacity to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 2-1

SMH

All tuckered out from their 30 hits and 19 runs yesterday, the Giants only bothered getting three hits against the over-5.00-ERA-owning Ryan Dempster. Tim Lincecum threw another excellent game but laughably gave up two hits IN A ROW and that was all she wrote.

The Giants made it briefly interesting, tying it up in the top of the ninth inning and loading the bases with one out, but Cody Ross grounded into a "Tejada Special" and the Cubbies got the walkoff win against Sergio Romo. Naturally.

So, the win streak snaps at seven, but at least the Diamondbacks lost today, keeping San Francisco 2.5 games in first place. I feared this would happen, but I do believe the Giants used up every last bit of their offense for this road trip during the doubleheader. Gonna be a long, long next few days if tonight was any indication.

Exasperated sigh.

- Bill

what did i miss

Yep, that's sixteen strikeouts.

My vacation did not begin well for the Giants. Although they took two out of three in the desert and left the godless wasteland of Arizona 1.5 games in first place, little did they know that their offense was about to completely crater (I mean moreso), and they would be swept by the A's in Oakland before returning home, where Madison Bumgarner pitched an historically awful third of an inning and left the game in disgrace. They dropped that first game against the Twins, their fifth straight loss, and fell a game and a half behind the Diamondbacks.

But then, thanks to the Twins playing like their gloves were made of radioactive scorpions, the Giants took the next two games and the series. Then the Indians came to town, and played the first game of the series like their gloves were made of a Twins player who had a glove made of radioactive scorpions. The second game of the series was won on two errors and a clutch balk. Brian Wilson racked up four saves in four days.

If you caught the Giants' nationally-televised game last night, you might be fooled into thinking that the G-men have a thoroughly average offense. Do not be fooled. They have a pathetic offense worthy of all the ridicule they receive. But the pitching. Sweet sassy molassy, that beautiful bean pitching.

Tim Lincecum shook of his shaky-start streak and hurled a seven-inning, 12-strikeout classic. Madison Bumgarner went "LOL what Twins game" and struck out a career-high 11 batters through seven innings while giving up one earned run. Ryan Vogelsong keeps being Ryan Vogelsong v2.0, which is fantastic. The bullpen has played out-of-their-minds good since that awful, awful Bumgarner start. Jeremy Affeldt has pulled the craziest 180 of any previously-lousy bullpen guy I've ever seen. He pitched two innings yesterday and struck out five of the seven batters he faced on something like 20 pitches. The Indians had absolutely no idea what was going on. The drone of the ESPN announcers faded away and every time Affeldt threw, there was a massive explosion sound. It was...phenomenal.

So the Giants have a Major League-best five-game winning streak going on, have the second-best record in baseball since May 3, and are (thanks to Neil's Tigers) once again in first place, all while scoring -2 runs over the past ten games. Perhaps best of all, tomorrow brings that most special of gifts: a double-header at Chicago. This is a crazy season of baseball, everyone. I hope it never ends.

- Bill

Stop It, They're Already Dead: Giants Lose, 10-2

Broken.

Timmy's broken, the Giants don't know how to hit, and Bochy decided to field the worst lineup of the season. Worst loss of the year. All there is left to root for until Pablo gets back is a series of Diamondbacks losses.

WHAT IN THE: Giants Defeat Nationals 5-4 in 13 Innings

"Shpedoinkle!"

Unsustainable. Unbelievable. I don't know what the hell that game was. Time Lincecum struck out five batters through two innings, giving him exactly 1,000 career strikeouts (the fastest pitcher ever to 1K Ks), and then forgot what is a baseball game and coughed up four runs in the next two innings. I knew there was no way -- just no way -- that the Giants would score any runs in this game. Not with Tejada and Rowand taking up spots in the lineup. Not with Aubrey Huff being 0-for-13 since his three-homer game.

But the Giants scratched out four runs in the seventh and eighth innings. Even more importantly, the Giants bullpen was immaculate, combining for eight scoreless innings. Even Jeremy Affeldt -- who is basically just a left-handed can of kerosene -- had the best 1.2 innings I've ever seen him pitch.

It was an amazing, improbable game of the type that only the Giants have been able to crank out for the past two seasons. AT&T Park is filled with some insanely potent pixie dust (eight walk-off wins so far this season), but the Giants are in desperate need of offense, and soon.

Here's a rundown of the ways the Giants did NOT win last night's game.

- First Inning: Andres Torres gets a leadoff single. Freddy Sanchez walks with one out. The Giants do not score.

- Fourth Inning: Cody Ross gets a leadoff walk. The Giants do not score.

- Sixth Inning: Michael Tejada gets a leadoff bunt single. The Giants do not score.

(Now it gets silly)

- Ninth Inning: Andres Torres gets a leadoff walk. The Nationals pitcher couldn't locate the strike zone if he was Geordi LaForge bitten by a radioactive spider. Tejada delivers the hardest bunt I've ever seen on a 2-0 pitch, which should have been a double play, but first baseman Michael Morse goes for the force at first. Runner on second, one out. Pitcher is still effectively wild, and walks Freddy Sanchez as Torres steals third. Runners at the corners, one out. Cody Ross hits an easy double-play grounder, but the shortstop throws home and cuts down Torres. The Giants have runners on first and second. The Giants do not score.

- Tenth Inning: The Giants get a one-out single by Brandon Crawford, who takes second on a wild pitch. The pitcher is all over the zone this inning, but gets the .000-batting Chris Stewart to chase and strike out. Runner on second, two outs. Jeremy Affeldt comes to the plate and takes basically the ugliest swing in history at a ball a foot over his head. He looks at the next five pitches and takes his first walk since 2003. HIS FIRST WALK IN EIGHT YEARS. Runners on first and second, two outs, and Pudge Rodriguez is looking like the Canucks goalie behind home plate as every pitch is bouncing around like crazy. Still, Andres Torres swings at balls four, five, and six, and strikes out to end the inning. The Giants do not score.

So yeah, in terms of sheer ineptitude and feebleness with the bats, it's no wonder the Giants are constantly flirting with a negative run differential. It's no wonder that the vast majority of their games are one-run affairs. They invent whole new ways of not scoring on a daily basis. Luckily, Stewart was able to not swing at pitches in the 13th and get a leadoff walk, Tejada was able to run just fast enough to turn a double play into a fielder's choice, and Freddy Sanchez was able to flip a single into right field for the win.

Or maybe it's not lucky at all. Both teams were out of bench players and nearly out of pitchers. Bochy said after the game he was going to ask Tejada to pitch an inning when his bullpen ran out. That would have almost made TJ's contract worth it. Almost.