Giants Sweep Padres, Announce 2012 Will Be Horrible

This is how hard I don't care. (Courtesy of SabeanMetrics Suparblog)

The Giants had an exciting couple of games. Matt Cain pitched amazingly on Tuesday, the bullpen blew a lead, and the Giants won on a walk-off twelfth inning hit by Mark DeRosa while Carlos Beltran plugged his ears in the dugout and sang "My Country 'Tis of Thee" at the top of his lungs. Tim Lincecum pitched amazingly on Wednesday while Carlos Beltran hit is 299th and 300th career home runs, the latter of which was a splash hit. I had a lot to say about these games and how I'm torn between really wanting Beltran to come back in 2012 but he clearly loathes every second in San Francisco.

But after today's win, the Giants announced they were cutting ties with their CEO Bill Neukom, AKA "That guy who oversaw the only World Series title ever for San Francisco." This was shocking, but was topped by the reason given for his dismissal: The owners were not happy with the way he ran the club, pointing out that he increased payroll this year and spent money too freely, when the ownership was hoping they would be building a "rainy day fund for leaner years." This is horrifying, and it basically telegraphs something the Giants fanbase never suspected. The ownership isn't concerned with continued excellence and competition and playoffs. They're concerned with grabbing as much cash as they can before the glow of the championship season wears off. It's not surprising at all when you realize the only reason that people buy and own professional sports teams is to make off with boatloads upon boatloads of cash. But it comes as a real blindside to San Francisco fans, who never suspected for one second that the ownership would turn into Peter Loria West.

Neukom didn't oversee the Zito or Rowand contracts. He was at the helm when that trophy came home to San Francisco. He did everything he reasonably could to keep the team competitive and attempt a repeat this year, and even with a team decimated by injury all season long, they've pretty much ensured every home game was a sellout for the entire season. I don't know what else he could have done. And the Giants brass wants a smaller payroll and a "rainy day fund." It's infuriating and in one fell stroke we can all see the writing on the wall. Next year will not be good. Not at all. Here are the people who are already on the 2012 payroll:

If they're wanting to cut payroll across the board for a rainy day, it doesn't look like long-term contracts for Cain and Lincecum will be a thing to look forward to. It doesn't look like the roster will be shored up in a thin free agent market during the offseason. It doesn't look like the people who own the Giants have any interest in a Giants team that competes and plays to win. It's hard to wrap my head around right now.

Madison Bumgarner Leads Rowand- and Tejada-less Giants to Victory

THIS IS YOUR NEW GOD

I've said it before, but Madison Bumgarner is capable of wondrous, glorious things. This is his age-21 season and everything apart from his meaningless W-L record and one historically disastrous inning indicates he's one of the very, very best pitchers in the game and only getting better.

The Giants jettisoned the steaming husks of Aaron Rowand and Michael Tejada on Thursday, and Bumgarner took the hill to end the Giants' losing skid, hold the Cubs to 2 hits and no runs in 8 innings while striking out 11 against an all-right-handed lineup. This was a phenomenal, phenomenal pitching performance. He was assisted by the unstoppable bat of Jeff Keppinger, the furious bunt assault dished out by Giants hitters, and a laughing, joking squad behind him that was playing their asses off and looking like they were having the time of their lives for the first time in a long, long, LONG time.

Perhaps Rowand and Tejada were the grumpiest old gritters that ever gamered up the clubhouse. Maybe after every loss, Tejowand would push Brandon Belt to the ground and wedgie him without remorse while taunting all of the starters. Perhaps atomic situps were involved. We'll never know. But the Giants looked loose and happy on Thursday, and as much fun as Rowand's batting stance was, we'll never have to worry about him coming in to strike out on three pitches in a key pinch-hit situation. That's great. That's so great.

The Diamondbacks arrive tonight, and the Giants have the potential to make up up to three games in the standings in one weekend. Lincecum, Cain, and Vogelsong will be pitching. The rosters have expanded and have brought with them Bret Pill, Pat Burrell, Brandon Crawford, and...miscellaneous. The offense scored four runs in their last game. Brandon Belt met a literal baby giraffe. I expect the Giants to take one of three, but they can do this. They can really, really do this. This is the true trial by fire for the G-men tonight. If they take this series, they can realistically stay in the race. If they get stomped like they did the last time the Diamondbacks were in town, that's pretty much the end.

Here we go.

THE DAWN OF A NEW DAY

The Giants DFA'd Miguel Tejada and Aaron Rowand today, which is layman's terms means they've been "future endeavored".

I don't really know how to process this. On one hand, I'm over the moon that the Giants were finally able to realize 1. these are sub-replacement-level performers and 2. they actually understand what "sunk cost" means. BOTH of these revelations are ENORMOUS leaps forward from the status quo that Brian Sabean and Bruce Bochy have maintained for the duration of their respective tenures.

On the other hand, the Tejada move comes a couple months too late, and the Rowand move comes about a season too late. These were bad, bad baseball players, and they spent the bulk of the season hitting in the number one and number two spots of lineups, day in and day out. These moves today are akin to Sonny Corleone getting shot two less times at that toll booth.

But enough of this naysaying! The Giants are eating Rowand's contract for next year! That's something the entire Giants fanbase has clamored for this entire season and never honestly expected it to happen. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Giants Don't Get No-Hit, Lose 7-5

Ump: "Hey, maybe you should learn to win, asshole."

The Giants have a terrible call go against them, Matt Cain gives up his first home run in 80+ innings, and after that, it's academic.

For the first five innings or so, it looked like the Giants were going to get no-hit at home against the noxious Mat Latos, so it's a great thing that didn't happen. The whole first half of this game was one of the Giants' patented "find new ways to lose/squander every available opportunity" games. Aaron Rowand grounding out to kill a bases-loaded situation where Latos had just walked three Giants in a row. Three massive, ridiculous Giants errors. Aaron Rowand hitting an infield popup with a runner on third and one out, which would have brought the Giants within one run. The Giants wasting leadoff runner chances. Going 0-for-10 with runners in scoring position. Aaron Rowand swinging at pitches that bounce in the other batter's box. Hmmm...I'm seeing a common theme here.

Oh yeah: Aaron Rowand started against a right-hander because Nate Schierholtz is injured. Yep. Also, Carlos Beltran was activated today, but didn't start, because he can probably only bat left-handed and refuses to bat righty-on-righty. Beltran did show up for a pinch-hit appearance with a couple of runners on, and promptly popped up to the infield.

Late in the game, the Giants scratched and clawed to tie it up, which is the most that they've looked like the first-half Giants since...well...the first half. Ramon Ramirez promptly coughed up a double, a nearly-disastrous sac bunt, a single, a wild pitch, and another single to lose the lead and the game in the top of the ninth. But the Giants were out of this game in the top of the first inning when they fell behind 1-0 and everyone in the park knew it but them. It's heartening to see that they didn't just roll over. Maybe if they hadn't had those three errors! Maybe if that blown call hadn't gone in favor of the Padres! Maybe if Miguel Tejada's pinch-hit liner in the eighth hadn't been right at the third baseman's glove! Maybe if Aaron Rowand wasn't completely worthless! Sometimes it's just bad luck I guess. It's really hard to tell when the Giants are a hard-luck team, or just a bad team. Pretty much indistinguishable at this point. The rallying cry from the Giants community is "They're bad, but they're not THIS bad." That's...that's not a good rallying cry.

The Giants fell to two games back today, because the Diamondbacks were able to snap their losing skid against an inferior team. Say, that sounds like something that the Giants should try! Whoops!

From Grant Brisbee to Carson Cistulli to Me to You, Dearest Baseball Feeler

Is that a bat in your stance or . . .

Over at NotGraphs, FanGraphs aesthete-in-chief Carson Cistulli links to a piece by Grant Brisbee in which many animated .gifs are used to demonstrate how baseball is awesome, and I urge you to go see. "Five Different Things Baseball Players Can Do With Their Bats" is the finest thing to emerge from the baseball internet in literally days. The above image is not from the piece itself, but is instead just Aaron Rowand doing that thing he does, which calls to (my) mind that thing that Reed Johnson does, where he steps out between pitches, sets the head of the bat in the ground, the knob resting atop his cup (you heard me), whilst he adjusts his batting gloves. I have always thought of this position as the tripod; only now does it occur to me that it could also be described as the reed johnson, if you follow me. That I can find no images demonstrating this position is even more disappointing to me than it is to you, so don't start.

KS

Tim Lincecum Has the Nerve to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

YOU SICKEN ME.

You would think I wouldn't have to keep writing permutations of that headline, but here we are. Not a lot to say about this one, but that's what happens when

1) You're facing a LHP that lefties are hitting over .400 against so you put every available right-hander in your lineup.

2) The Number 2 and Number 6 spots in your lineup are filled by Orlando Cabrera and Miguel Tejada.

3) The rest of your lineup has Aaron Rowand, Aubrey Huff, and Chris Stewart.

4) You pinch-hit Mark De Rosa over Brandon "I Killed Bruce Bochy's Dog While I Was Nailing His Daughter and Looking at Called Strike Three" Belt.

The Diamondbacks were losing, but now they're in a rain delay. Will the game get called? Will the Diamondbacks pull off another come-from-behind win? Who gives a crap, the Giants have a series in Houston to lose.

Corpse of Giants Roster Shows Signs of Unnatural Life

Bruce Bochy will never be able to feel another emotion.

The Giants lost 2-1 in 11 innings. Great, who cares, whatever. Jonathan Sanchez was starting a game the day after a soul-crushing loss and Beltran and Romo were headed to the DL. A loss was academic tonight.

The real meat of today's story is that the lineup was released and everyone was like LOLWUT because Sandoval was at 1B and Huff was in LF and Belt was in RF and an adorable kitten was Pitcher's Helper. (FanGraphs indicates the adorable kitten is leading the majors in mewling, but Shane Victorino is close behind.) The stories started tumbling hard and fast out of Atlanta: Keppinger out, getting an MRI on his wrist; Schierholtz out, possible broken foot; Rowand out, strained intercostal. The Giants must have gotten off a plane that later crashed during last year's playoffs, because 2011 has been a string of calamities bordering on the Lovecraftian.

In the third inning, Jonathan Sanchez sprained his ankle fielding a bunt, because OF COURSE HE DID. Everyone in the ballpark started watching for bolts of lightning or dangling safes or frayed electrical cords left perilously close to puddles of water. The Giants were no-hit through six innings by a guy major his second MLB start. No one expected anything different.

But something strange happened. The Giants showed immense gumption, much more than anyone could have expected. After Sanchez gave up a run, the Giants pitching staff and defense shut the Braves down inning after inning after inning. Cody Ross blasted a huge home run to prevent the no-hitter and the shutout. The Giants made the Braves' bullpen work. They got as many hits as the Braves, but couldn't quite manage the big one. Both Brandon Belt and Aubrey Huff made game-saving plays in the outfield. It was fun. It was more competitive and exciting than it had any right to be, and Brooks Conrad got to be the hero with a ground-rule double and the winning run in a bit of poetic justice.

If I'm the Giants, I have to believe they're pleased with themselves even in a loss. They won't just roll over and die, even when their roster is reduced to Aubrey Huff and a whimsical tea cozy. However, having said that, the Phillies let Lyle "DFA'd From the Pirates" Overbay drive in all three Diamondbacks runs against Roy Halladay and lost at home, putting the Giants 3.5 games out. But fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day. I'm certain that tomorrow will bring more injuries, and I'm equally as certain that Aubrey Huff will be the only member of the Giants roster to not sniff the DL this season. Sabean will have deals in place for Posada, Damon, and Alfonso Soriano by the weekend.

It's really amazing that the Giants have done as much as they have after all that has happened to them this season. If they somehow, somehow manage to make it to the playoffs...that's nothing short of miraculous. It's important to remember that the G-Men should probably have a W-L record more closely resembling the Mariners or Astros than being within spitting distance of first place. This was the best possible loss today. That's something, at least.

Brandon Belt Activates Beast Mode, Giants Win 5-2

"Ayo is this aggressive enough for you?"

At one point this season, after Brandon Belt was sent to Fresno for the umpteenth time, Bruce Bochy remarked something along the lines of, "He's too passive at the plate. I'd like to see him be more aggressive." Just for the record, the average player on the Giants sees barely over 3 pitches per at-bat. Opposing pitchers regularly make it to the eighth inning against the Giants with well under 100 pitches thrown. Pablo Sandoval, a dude who has a reputation for swinging at anything thrown toward the plate and several things thrown to first base, sees by far the most pitches of any everyday Giants player. All of these things are unacceptable from a major league lineup. Brandon Belt methodically works counts with a discerning eye. It is what he does. But Bruce Bochy has basically gone on record as saying, "Man I wish that kid would hack more. Veterans hack at things. You ever watch an Aaron Rowand at-bat? He swings three times and sits down. He swings so hard, you guys. That's a veteran professional ballplayer right there." And then he laces his fingers together behind his gargantuan head and dreams of grit, and sand, and toughness, and above all, those sexy intangibles.

So Brandon Belt got a start today, and he struck out and grounded out, and you could feel Bruce Bochy already drafting a text message to Brian Sabean reading "gotta snd belt back 2 frzno" but then Belt stepped up and was like SHAZAM and cranked a deep first-pitch home run to dead center that was blasted so hard you could hear Marlins pitcher Chris Volstad scream "FUCK" immediately after the crack of the bat, louder than I have ever heard a baseball player scream the word "FUCK." It rang majestically throughout the nearly-empty Joe Robbie Or Whatever Stadium and CSN Bay Area had no qualms showing the replay three times in rapid succession with unadulterated audio, because that's how awesome it was.

WHACK. "FUCK."

CRACK. "FUCK."

KABLAMMO. "FUCK."

So that was pretty awesome. Also awesome? Belt's next time up, he worked the count full and then hit the first home run that lefty Michael Dunn has ever given up to a left-handed batter. Ever. Earlier I suggested that Belt would have to hit four dingers to get Bochy to give him regular starts. He's halfway there now. He has as many home runs this season as either Miguel Tejada or Aaron Rowand, in fewer than a third as many plate appearances.

That sound you just heard is the Baby Giraffe being unleashed. Stay hot, Brandon. Your career may depend on it.

So You've Decided to Be in Second Place: Giants Lose, 9-2

"Nope, I don't see any hits over here, either."

I'm pretty sure the final score was 9-2. I stopped watching. Why would I do that to myself? This is some Absolute Zero of a team right now, and it's not getting better. The bad news is that the Giants head to Miami and Atlanta to get their clocks cleaned on the road for a while before wrapping things up by losing a series to the Houston Spoilers.

It is important that this is a team that has been ravaged -- and that is the appropriate word, ravaged -- by injuries to key players, and other key players having absolutely catastrophic seasons. Bochy and Sabean are not to blame for what is going on. Well, not entirely, anyway. This is what the universe decided was a fitting repayment for last year's improbable World Series victory. And that's cool. I more or less resigned myself to the Giants missing the playoffs a couple of weeks ago. It's a shame, but it's really pretty admirable they have been able to do so much with so little thus far. This is a team that is dangerously close to fielding a tee as their fifth starter. They can get 15 hits in a game and score less than two runs. They can get three hits in a row with RISP and score none.

The fact that the Astros are giving the Diamondbacks fits indicates that, perhaps, the Diamondbacks are not the unstoppable juggernaut I imagined they were. They hit lots of home runs, and have a Justin Upton, but they're only marginally better than the Giants at this point. They can be caught, and overtaken. There are nearly two months left. But if the Giants miss it, it won't be the end of the world. Posey and Freddy will be back next season. Zito and Rowand will be closer to the end of their deals, if they're still around. Beltran and Ross will likely be gone, which opens up a potential spot for Belt. There's a chance the Giants will acquire an actual shortstop. Given their track record, I'd bet on Jimmy Rollins. Things look a lot better in 2012.

My hope is that things start looking better in 2011. It's hard to imagine things looking worse.

Giants Win, 2-1, but Somehow Lose

Today started awesome, then got better. The Mariners ended their losing streak. The Giants obtained Carlos Beltran without giving up Gary Brown. Then the Giants took a game against Cole Hamels while having both Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff in their starting lineup.

But then, the other shoe dropped. The Giants needed to free up a roster slot for Beltran, and CSN Bay Area is reporting that the planned moves are to DFA Pat Burrell and to send Brandon Belt back to the minors. Splashing Pumpkins has the full breakdown as to why these are the worst ideas of all time, but if this is true, this is probably the least faith I have had in the Giants organization since...I don't even know when. I'm just sad.

Bill Hall is staying with the team. Miguel Tejada and Aaron Rowand and Manny Burriss are staying with the team. Mark DeRosa is staying with the team. But Pat the Bat, bench player extraordinaire, a better hitter than Rowand, Ross, and Schierholtz, is leaving. The guy who should have been starting at first base, and should STILL be starting at first base over the historically abysmal Aubrey Huff, is yet again sent to the minors, yet again for no good reason.

I'm hoping this rumor is false. I'm hoping Sabean is working on a package deal to ship Rowand and Huff the hell out of town like he did with Molina when Bochy refused to start Posey. But we'll see what tomorrow brings. We'll see what Beltran contributes. We'll see the repeated failings of Rowand, and Huff, and Ross, and see Belt in the minors and Schierholtz riding the bench.

Sad. Just sad.

UPDATE: The Belt/Burrell stuff is probably bunk, because CSN Bay Area are a bunch of unprofessional hacks. The Burrell thing is impossible since he's on the DL and Mychael Urban has been assured Belt isn't being sent down. If it were me, I'd release Hall and send down Burriss but what do I know? So the news isn't necessarily accurate, but still. I am on pins as well as needles.

- Bill

Phillies Win 7-2, Giants Still World Champions

wheeeee

Look, everyone and their mother knew that the Giants were losing the Barry Zito start. It just wasn't supposed to be game one. Tim Lincecum was scratched on account of the flu, and the Phillies ended up hitting five home runs last night, one of them an inside-the-park job by Chase "have you heard of this band Social Distortion? they're like my favorite punk band" Utley.

As I watched tater upon tater leave the yard last night, and as I watched the Giants get three-hit by Vance "Clarence" Worley, I became numb, and greatly thankful that we were just getting the Zito game over with. He even had the good grace to go seven innings, saving the bullpen for the remainder of the road trip.

So maybe the Giants can still win a game this series. Maybe they'll stop sucking. Because the Padres shat the bed last night against the Diamondbacks, and the NL West could find itself in a tie for first in short order the way things are going.

Guessing that both Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff start today. Rowand had a pinch-hit homer and Huff drew a walk. Gotta play the hot hand, Bochy.

P.S.: Hey Giants. START HITTING.

- Bill

Less "A Game" and More "A Big Bag of Butts," Brewers Over Giants 4-2

Okay, see that up there? That's Eli Whiteside, the guy who was the Giants' starting catcher today, being unable to catch a baseball thrown from left field. He catches the ball, the Brewers score one less run, which the Giants actually have a chance to overcome. Two runs? Not a chance.

Putting that aside, the Brewers have been lousy on the road all season. Seriously lousy. They come to AT&T and score four runs off of Matt Cain, which, adjusted for park and pitcher, is like two hundred and seventy-three runs. The Brewers are supposed to have insanely, laughably bad defense, yet Nyjer "Tony Plush" Morgan was running hither and yon, tracking down scalded line drives and grabbing his crotch at the entirety of the bleachers, then flipping off the field level seats. (An aside: T-Plush is the absolute best. He's the Ochocinco of baseball, but with less talent. I'm planning on obtaining a "PLUSH 2" Brewers throwback jersey at some point in the next few months. I just don't like when he's playing against the Giants. My rooting interests clash. It's messy.) Casey McGehee and Corey Hart were making sparkling plays. I watched most of the Brewers/Diamondbacks series. Two days ago, K-Rod couldn't throw a strike to save his life. Tonight, he strikes out a pair of Giants and makes a pinch-hitting Brandon Belt have his worst-looking at-bat of the year. When Brandon Belt is up there looking like Anthony Rizzo --or, worse, like a left-handed Aaron Rowand -- that's very, very bad.

So the Giants offense looked like the Giants offense, and Matt Cain had one of his worst starts -- four runs? Are you kidding me?? -- and the Brewers lived up to none of their expectations, all in the worst way. It wasn't the worst game of the year by any means. Heck, I'll even heap praise on Aaron freaking Rowand. He had probably the most impressive pinch hit home run this season, by anyone on any team. Watch some replays. The location of that pitch he hit was totally unreal. Plus, the Rockies beat the Diamondbacks, so it's not like any true damage was done.

Still, an offense is needed. Sorely needed. If the Phillies are closing in on B.J. Upton, maybe the Giants could still land Carlos Beltran. I'd give up Zach Wheeler for a rental at this point, sorry to say. My guess is a deal won't be made until the deadline, and it will be a deal that sends Gary Brown away for, oh, let's say Ivan Rodriguez. I want to believe in Sabean, but I'm thinking that this season is one of his classic trades where he lays an egg.

- Bill

Tim Lincecum Has the Temerity to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

J'accuse!

Even knowing that the Giants were going to avoid the sweep today, even knowing that the Giants were going to look like the merest of chumps against Clayton Kershaw -- as they do -- it was still infuriating to see them trot out the absolute worst lineup I've seen so far this year. (Aaron Rowand batting third!)

Tim Lincecum and the Giants staff were awesome, with Tim giving up one fluke home run to Dioner Navarro -- Dioner Navarro! -- that was fair by inches. The Giants bats were awful, striking out thirteen times (twelve by Kershaw) and only managing three hits. Just the worst game. Hoping for the Brewers to mangle the snakes again, but I'm not holding my breath. O Carlos Beltran, where art thou?

Giants Beat Padres 6-1, Move 4 Games into First Place

Andres Torres -- FROZEN IN CARBONITE

Well, Pablo's hitting streak comes to an end, but it's fun winning baseball games by a comfortable margin for a change. I'm sure that will dry up, just like I'm sure Aubrey Huff will continue to roll grounders over to the second baseman and swing at balls in the dirt for strike three. When you're hitting worse than Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand, Chris Stewart, Eli Whiteside, and Tim Lincecum, YOU SHOULDN'T BE THE STARTING FIRST BASEMAN. At one point when I was scoring last Saturday's game in San Francisco, Huff was at bat, and I decided to just go ahead and write in "4-3." A pitch later, he came through for me. It's a good thing, since I was keeping score in pen.

In conclusion, FREE BELT.

Life is Meaningless: Giants Lose, 4-3

For the first half of the game, it was the best the Giants had played in weeks. They kept moving the line. They took advantage of Cardinals mistakes. They got a hit with a runner in scoring position! Their young guys, Brandon Belt and Brandon Crawford, got starts. Aubrey Huff sat this one out. The Brandons got hits and took walks. The Giants hitters went deep into counts and made Chris Carpenter throw a ton of pitches. They made an opposing starter toss 100 pitches through five innings.

Then, it became the worst Giants game since Scott Cousins took Buster Posey into a back alley and pumped rounds into his kneecaps. The Giants wasted leadoff doubles. They brought Huff into a pinch-hit situation. They brought Rowand into a pinch-hit situation. Eli Whiteside struck out a bunch of times and said a bunch of cusses. The Giants bullpen imploded, giving up three runs in the bottom of the eighth. Brandon Belt is probably injured.

Does Bochy learn that Michael Tejada should not bat second in the lineup? Does he learn after this that "LOOGY Javier Lopez" means "Left-handed one-out guy Javier Lopez" and not "This guy can probably get three outs from St. Louis's right-handed Murderer's Row Javier Lopez?" No, I would bet any sum that he does not. I'm guessing tomorrow night we get Tejada back in the two-hole, Huff back in the three-hole, Belt on the DL, Burrell playing shortstop, and Time Lincecum throwing a one-hitter that the Giants lose, 6-0.

That's my prediction, anyway.

Just Pathetic: Giants Lose, 6-0

See, the ball is a metaphor for the Giants' playoff chances.

How many times must Aubrey Huff have a swinging strikeout or double-play groundout with runners in scoring position before Bochy is forced to admit that he's stinking on ice? One thousand times? Probably one thousand. I love Aubrey to death, but he is killing this team. It's not just his fault, though: everyone else on the Giants sucks too. Huff is just the guy hitting third or fourth every day. Really. Every day. Brandon Belt started yesterday. Know where he started? Left field. Know who's batting second today? Michael Tejada. Brandon Belt's sitting again today. You know who's playing instead? Aaron Rowand.

The Giants need to trade for six Jose Reyeii and have Pablo Sandoval come back ASAP. Since that won't be happening, we'll just hope for lightning to strike again. Should be any day now.

The Diamondbacks are in first place in the NL West for the first time since 2008. I'd rather have them there than the Rockies, but maybe this year's D-Backs are last year's Giants. (They're not.)

The Giants didn't get swept by the Brewers, so that's something. They start a series against the Cardinals today, and given today's lineup, this is a pretty good start for a Redbirds sweep with minimal effort. Tony LaRussa can finally bat his pitcher in the cleanup spot. He can go with a six-man infield. He can have his pitcher throw from center field. The Giants still won't be scoring any runs.

Giants Suffer Worst Loss of Season, Lose in 12 Innings, 7-6

Okay, so I wrote the below post during the bottom of the ninth, but amazingly Aubrey Huff got his only hit of the game to tie the it at 6 and send the game to extra innings. Most of what I wrote below still stands. This could have been an amazing comeback game, but the Giants not only lost the game and Mike Fontenot, they also lost Buster Posey when he tweaked his ankle badly on a home-plate collision as the Marlins scored the winning run.

This is terrible. This is...just terrible. Original post below, for posterity.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is exactly correct.

There was really no chance for the Giants to win once the Marlins plated two in the top of the first inning. Compounding matters was Aubrey Huff going 0-for-5 with three strikeouts in the number three spot, looking like his numbers suggest: that he's possibly the worst position player in baseball right now. His OPS is currently sixty points lower than it was in his disastrous 2009 season. He killed literally every rally single-handedly, and ended the game for the Giants, with runners on second and third in the bottom of the ninth.

Further compounding matters was the insane decisions Bruce Bochy made. Down by one run, he chose to pinch-hit AARON ROWAND against a left-hander to lead off the seventh inning, rather than Pat "Only Decent Hitter on the Giants Right Now" Burrell. Later, after Sergio Romo STRUCK OUT THE SIDE ON TEN PITCHES in the top of the eighth, Bochy chose to go with LOOGY Javier Lopez to face -- and walk three and serve up a bases-clearing double to -- five right-handed batters.

Further FURTHER compounding matters is the fact that the Giants' other number three hitter and beloved hobbit Mike Fontenot went down with a groin strain. Pinch-runner Darren Ford is also going on the DL and the Giants are recalling...Travis Ishikawa. Sabean and Bochy are adamant that they're not calling Belt up now, because -- get this -- Aubrey Huff is their first baseman and they don't need a backup.

Gotta keep reminding myself it's a damn long season and the Giants are in first place right now. But this team, man....mercy me, this team.

Giants Walk Off Yet Again, Beat Diamondbacks 1-0

Graphic representation of tonight's game

So the Giants had their first misstep in Operation: Bat Mike Fontenot Third, as the minuscule miracle didn't reach base and looked a bit uneasy at the plate for the first time in a week. The Giants activated Mark DeRosa and Andres Torres from the DL, sending Emmanuel Burriss and Ryan Rohlinger back to the minors, electing to keep Darren "Vroom" Ford in the injured Pablo Sandoval's spot. This proved to be the correct decision, as in the bottom of the ninth in a scoreless game, Buster Posey took a four-pitch leadoff walk and was replaced by Ford, who stole second and came home easily on Cody Ross's one-out, walk-off hit down the left field line.

Tonight was a true pitcher's duel, as both Tim Lincecum and whoever that was from Arizona tossed gems. The Giants offense helped out what's-his-name though, especially DeRosa. This was DeRo's first chance to prove himself a massive upgrade over Michael Tejada. He actually managed to out-Tejada Tejada at one point, busting a one-pitch, inning-ending double play with the bases loaded in late innings. He also looked to have about the same range as Tejada at third base, which is to say, none. Torres looked great, though, getting a hit and a walk, making good plays in center, and working counts, which is what a leadoff hitter is supposed to do (shorthand: don't be Aaron Rowand).

Tim Lincecum is a joy to watch. It may sound crazy, but every time he takes the mound, I feel like it's possible he'll throw a no-hitter that evening. He's just got everything working so far this year. He was hitless through five today, ended up going eight innings with nine Ks and no earned runs. He deserved the win today, but instead that went to poacher Brian Wilson, who pitched a solid top of the ninth. I really am loving Bochy going with Wilson as the ninth-inning guy, rather than just the closer. It's paid off so far, since the Giants seem to be walk-off machines now. The Giants are just a half-game back in the NL West now. Yeah, it's May. SO WHAT

Giants Do It For Willie, Beat Rockies 4-3

PUMPED

On Willie Mays' 80th birthday, on the day that was declared Willie Mays Day by the mayor of San Francisco, on the day where the Giants are playing their 11th game in a row after a flight from New York last night with the team mired in a hellacious slump on all fronts...there was a stunning, come-from-behind storybook evening. A game that was won on deep at-bats, clutch hits in late innings, sparkling defense, and unlikely heroes. It was...perfect. Eventually, anyway.

Matt Cain pitched 7 strong but gave up three runs to the Rockies, including giving up Troy Tulowitzki's 100th career tater. Unfortunately, the Giants looked as pathetic as ever on offense, going without a hit against Ubaldo Jiminez through the first four innings.

That doesn't really tell the whole story, however. The Giants had really fantastic at-bats all evening. They got Jiminez up to the 100 pitch mark in no time, made him throw a 20+ pitch first inning -- something the Giants never, EVER do -- took a ton of walks even before they got a hit, and just looked unlucky, getting the living daylights BABIP'd out of them. They were blistering pitches, just right at people. Rockies fielders waved their gloves blindly at seeing-eye grounders, which would seeing-eye right into the webbing. The breaks that Giants usually have go against them kept going against them.

BUT THEN in the sixth inning, Operation: Bat Mike Fontenot Third paid off yet again, with the hammerin' Hobbit getting a leadoff triple, then coming home to get the Giants on the board on Posey's fielder's choice. Huff struck out and Pat Burrell picked up his third walk of the night. with two on and two out, Nate Schierholz grounded out. Fontenot also contributed with an AMAZING defensive play in the top of the seventh inning. Mike Tejada had a leadoff single in the bottom of the seventh inning, but karma kicked in and he was left stranded as the Giants got three straight outs.

BUT THEN in the bottom of the eighth, Fontenot flied out, Posey got a big opposite-field single (a "Posey Special"), and Aubrey Huff struck out. With two outs, Pat Burrell had a grinder of an at-bat, then belted a double to Triples Alley (irony!), and a cannon-armed toss held up Posey at third. Darren "Vroom" Ford came in to run for Burrell and here was Nate Schierholz again, batting with two on and two out. He had yet another great at-bat, and doubled down the left-field line and plated both runs, tying the game.

Brian Wilson came in to pitch the top of the ninth, looking like Saturn about to eat his kid's heads. He tossed a seven-pitch inning and then here came the Giants again. Late replacement and slumper supreme Cody Ross led off the bottom of the ninth with a double down the right-field line. Aaron Rowand struck out (on a low slider, shock of shocks), and OTHER supreme slumper Freddy Sanchez came up. With the crowd rocking and rolling and chanting "FREDDY, FREDDY," Sanchez slapped a ball up the middle, just past Tulo's glove and into center field. Ross came roaring around third and scored standing up, one exultant fist held high.

The fireworks went off, Tony Bennett sang, the Giants hopped up and down and whooped and hollered, and I like to think Willie Mays was watching it all with a smile on his face. Earlier today, a thousand sports writers typed tens of thousands of words about what the Say Hey Kid means to baseball, and what he has meant to sports fans and to the world for about the past sixty years. Before the game, Willie shed a few tears as he chatted with his friends and teammates from the Black Barons, and with McCovey and Alou and Gaylord Perry, and listened to glowing words from Jon Miller and Lon Simmons and Tony Bennett and Barack Obama and Bill Clinton and Hank Aaron and Bill Cosby and forty-something thousand fans whose hearts swell with pride knowing that he belongs to them and vice versa, forever. And late tonight, at 24 Willie Mays Plaza, in the most gorgeous ballpark in baseball, a bunch of beat-up and dog-tired slump-stricken ne'er-do-wells -- and defending World Champions, as unlikely as it still seems -- came from behind to beat their hottest division rivals, and bring joy to the hearts of San Francisco fans all over again.

Say Hey! Thanks, Kid.

Aaron Rowand Drives in Three Runs, Steals Home, Summons Plague of Locusts

Obviously one of my favorite things to do here is vent my frustrations at the Giants' vexing center fielder, Aaron Rowand. But today, as the Allegheny River burst into flame and the sky began to bleed, he was the hero, picking up three RsBI, snapping the Giants' 0-for-17 with RISP for the series, and stealing home on a double-steal when the spectacularly-bearded Josh Doumit winged the ball into center field.

There were two other heroes in today's game. One of them was Ryan Vogelsong, returning to the Giants, who drafted him in 2000, pitching against the Pirates, to whom he was traded lo those many years ago for erstwhile ace Jason Schmidt, and making his first major-league start in eight years, filling in for the injured Barry Zito. Vogelsong had one problem inning, gave up a pair of runs to the Bucs, and needed a hundred pitches through five and two-thirds, but he also struck out eight, matching his career-high, and outpacing Zito's season total to date. He looked good tossing to backup backstop Eli Whiteside, so god only knows what kind of game he could throw when Buster Posey is completing the battery.

The other hero for the Giants was the Pirates' defense. Lordy, did they look terrible. four errors on the day, two by Lyle (clank) Overbay (clank clank). It's nice to see someone OPPOSITE the Giants Brooks Conrad-ing it up this season.

Other news: Mark DeRosa's wrist is still made of spun sugar and delicate wishes. He's back on the DL and Emmanuel Burriss is up from Fresno. Burriss was really raking it in AAA, but didn't look very impressive today, getting a gift infield single and booting a ball. The thing that really makes this bad news is that although backup shortstop Mike Fontenot had his first two hits off a right-handed pitcher this season, Mike Tejada got a meaningless pinch-hit single, which probably proves to Bruce Bochy that he's a gritty veteran gamer with true gamey grit back in his swing, and will start every game for the next three weeks.

The Giants head to our nation's capital, where they will all be asked to present their birth certificates. TOPICAL HUMOR~