The San Francisco Giants And Their Underwhelming Offseason

The above picture shows Brandon Crawford, the man who is likely (I don't want to use the word "destined" as that implies a level of expectation or import that would be woefully inappropriate to bestow on the poor lad) to become the starting and/or everyday shortstop for the 2012 San Francisco Giants. Although I like Brandon Crawford quite a bit in general and adore his glove in particular, this seemingly-inevitable roster solidification pretty much encapsulates what has been an underwhelming offseason for the Giants.

I don't know how much time I'll be able to devote to writing about the Giants for Baseball Feelings in the coming season, for all six of you who read this blog (seven for the non-staffer who stumbled upon this post while googling "rubber glove fetish." Sorry to trick you), so while I had a few spare minutes, I thought I would put up my baseball feelings regarding the Giants moves that I should have posted a few weeks ago, probably.

The Giants started the offseason by giving a million billion dollars to Jeremy Affeldt and Javier Lopez, who I like just fine (particularly Lopez), but not that just fine. Still, a bullpen is important and this ensures that nearly the entire pitching staff will be returning for this year. I say "nearly" because the Giants then traded Jonathan Sanchez (he of the, shall we say, "frustrating inconsistencies") in order to acquire Melky Cabrera, who had a career year last year with the Royals, but let us be frank, is still Melky Cabrera. The next move was to trade away Andres Torres (one of my favorite players) to the Mets in order to acquire Angel Pagan, who I actually like just fine and shows a lot of promise, but is basically Andres Torres minus the ADD, but plus some pooping issues.

The Giants did not sign Jose Reyes, Jimmy Rollins, or Carlos Beltran, as we feared they would not. In their defense, they also did not sign Orlando Cabrera, instead opting for Brandon Crawford, who is a human with functioning legs and the ability to manipulate his hand in such a way as to close a glove around a baseball. This is a big upgrade. Also welcome is the decision to release Jeff "I'm Running As Fast As I Can, You Guys!" Keppinger and instead retain Mike "No. 3 Hitter" Fontenot -- who is about as endearing a tiny baseball player this side of Jose Altuve -- as a backup infielder. The Giants also picked up Ryan Theriot as a utility infielder, who seems destined to be one of those patented acquisitions in the mold of the Steve Finley-esque "guy who always seems to have clutch hits against the Giants but then becomes a Giant and does largely nothing."

That's the extent of what the Giants picked up. As far as what else they lost, they opted to not extend offers to Beltran or Cody Ross, who will likely someday have a statue at AT&T park where he's high-kneeing while Roy Halladay stares at the left-field fence. (I truly would weep with joy were such a statue ever to be commissioned.)

So the starting rotation will be Lincecum, Cain, Bumgarner, Vogelsong and, for better or worse, Barry Zito. That is fine. That will be fine. The issue is not the pitching. The issue has never been the pitching. The issue is whether this team will score any runs. If statistics mean anything (and all my nerdy friends say that they do), it would be nearly impossible for the Giants to not score more runs than they did last season. So that is something.

Here are the storylines for 2012:

- Injuries. Posey is coming back from -- you know -- the incident and who knows how much he will be affected by all that business. You would think the Giants would split the difference between 2010's All-Healthy squad and 2011's "All-New, All-Injured" horror show, but in the first week of pitchers and catchers reporting, Vogelsong and Lincecum have already experienced back problems and Brian Wilson's elbow is still in question. That's not even mentioning the returning Freddy Sanchez. If Sanchez can't bounce back from both of his arms falling off, the backup options are Theriot, Fontenot and Emmannuel Burriss. We are all holding our breath over here, let me just tell you.

- Positional scuffles. Chris Stewart, Hector Sanchez and Eli Whiteside will be duking it out all spring (and likely, beyond) for rights to spell Posey every five days at catcher. I'm hoping either Stewart wins outright or Sanchez slugs a bazillion dingers and we laugh all the way to the bank (the bank in this case being "not one-run losses to Clayton Kershaw"). But the biggest positional kerfuffle of all involves, of course,

- Brandon Belt. This poor kid can't catch a single break. After his treatment last year, you'd think he'd be ready to be an everyday player this year, but no. The outfield looks like it's pretty set with Cabrera, Pagan and Schierholtz, and Bochy and Sabean are pretty adamant that the starting first baseman job is Aubrey Huff's to lose. Considering that Huff wasn't able to lose said job after batting .013 last year with 1,342 double-plays, that doesn't seem likely. You should also be aware that Bochy seemed to further sour on Belt when Bret Pill came up and hit an RBI. Those things win ball games, you know. So Belt is fighting four guys for one of two positions. Doesn't look good, but maybe the team will score so many runs that I won't notice Belt got optioned to the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks in May.

- Pablo Sandoval. Fat, thin, or Yokozuna-level super-fat, just please keep hitting, Panda. Please please please.

Giants Lose 3-0 in Giants-Like Fashion

Latin Heritage Night, which always precedes the Jingoistic Patriotism Cotillion.

Last month, when the Giants were struggling game after game at the plate, there was this sense of, "Man alive, this is some kind of lousy slump. Statistically, there's no way these hitters are this bad. Just no way. Positive regression to the mean is inevitable. Just gonna have to wait this one out." Sadly, it's now gotten to the point where you watch the games and you can't help but think, "Geez, even with a healthy Posey and Sanchez next year, the Giants are really going to have to break the bank on some free agents or this team isn't scoring any more runs again, ever." Of course, it always seems much worse than hopeless when your team isn't scoring runs or getting hits for game after game after game, but looking at these poor guys, they all just seem broken. It's going to be a long wait for 2012.

Another masterful Giants pitching performance went to waste tonight. Ryan Vogelsong kept up his spectacular comeback season, going 8 innings with 6 strikeouts, 1 walk and 3ER. Of course, if you're a Giants pitcher, there are two options: shutout or loss. Dodgers pitcher Dana "Who?" Eveland held the Giants scoreless for 7+ innings, because the Giants.

In good news, Aubrey Huff didn't start for the fourth game in a row, and there was a Brandon Belt sighting! Belt got a hit off of a LHP, dispelling a popular Bochy myth, and is rumored to be getting another start tomorrow. Fingers crossed on that one. Huff did get a key pinch hit AB with runners at the corners and nobody out in the bottom of the eighth inning. Luckily, he struck out on three pitches, because Aubrey Huff.

The Dodgers are threatening to overtake the Giants and finish the season in second place, and the Giants seem the very picture of indifference in the face of that prospect. It must be a real lousy time to be a player in that clubhouse, and that's a shame because it's a real great group of guys that have been absolutely sucked dry by this travesty of a season.

Giants Get Dominated by Worst Team in Major League Baseball, Lose 6-0

Yep. (tippin' mad hats to Bay City Ball)

Three more Giants turned up injured today. That's not a joke.

The Giants keep finding new ways to lose. Aubrey Huff tried to score in a scoreless game, ending an inning and killing a rally. The Giants give up three runs after having two outs on a couple of spectacular errors by Mark "Hey I'm Starting at Third Base I Guess" De Rosa and Aubrey "Herp Derp Whoops M'Glove" Huff.

I knew the Giants were losing today when I saw their HILARIOUS lineup. The Diamondbacks were likely to lose today in Atlanta, and this was a huge punt of a lineup. Hey man, it's really rough when you have to write nine guys into a lineup and only have ten healthy players. I mean, what kind of idiot would put Brandon Belt in a lineup, am I right?

I have been saying it for days, but the Giants are going to lose this series. They may take one of three, but I highly doubt it. I've never seen a team look so thoroughly defeated as the Giants do right now, and there's no way in hell I blame them. Imagine you have a box of 25 adorable puppies, and your job is to make sure that nothing bad happens to the puppies. But every day, when you get to work, between 2 and 10 of the puppies have set themselves on fire. You'd go crazy by like day three.

Watching a Giants game is exactly like staring at a smoldering pile of puppy corpses. That wounds the soul after a while.

Tim Lincecum Has the Nerve to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

YOU SICKEN ME.

You would think I wouldn't have to keep writing permutations of that headline, but here we are. Not a lot to say about this one, but that's what happens when

1) You're facing a LHP that lefties are hitting over .400 against so you put every available right-hander in your lineup.

2) The Number 2 and Number 6 spots in your lineup are filled by Orlando Cabrera and Miguel Tejada.

3) The rest of your lineup has Aaron Rowand, Aubrey Huff, and Chris Stewart.

4) You pinch-hit Mark De Rosa over Brandon "I Killed Bruce Bochy's Dog While I Was Nailing His Daughter and Looking at Called Strike Three" Belt.

The Diamondbacks were losing, but now they're in a rain delay. Will the game get called? Will the Diamondbacks pull off another come-from-behind win? Who gives a crap, the Giants have a series in Houston to lose.

Corpse of Giants Roster Shows Signs of Unnatural Life

Bruce Bochy will never be able to feel another emotion.

The Giants lost 2-1 in 11 innings. Great, who cares, whatever. Jonathan Sanchez was starting a game the day after a soul-crushing loss and Beltran and Romo were headed to the DL. A loss was academic tonight.

The real meat of today's story is that the lineup was released and everyone was like LOLWUT because Sandoval was at 1B and Huff was in LF and Belt was in RF and an adorable kitten was Pitcher's Helper. (FanGraphs indicates the adorable kitten is leading the majors in mewling, but Shane Victorino is close behind.) The stories started tumbling hard and fast out of Atlanta: Keppinger out, getting an MRI on his wrist; Schierholtz out, possible broken foot; Rowand out, strained intercostal. The Giants must have gotten off a plane that later crashed during last year's playoffs, because 2011 has been a string of calamities bordering on the Lovecraftian.

In the third inning, Jonathan Sanchez sprained his ankle fielding a bunt, because OF COURSE HE DID. Everyone in the ballpark started watching for bolts of lightning or dangling safes or frayed electrical cords left perilously close to puddles of water. The Giants were no-hit through six innings by a guy major his second MLB start. No one expected anything different.

But something strange happened. The Giants showed immense gumption, much more than anyone could have expected. After Sanchez gave up a run, the Giants pitching staff and defense shut the Braves down inning after inning after inning. Cody Ross blasted a huge home run to prevent the no-hitter and the shutout. The Giants made the Braves' bullpen work. They got as many hits as the Braves, but couldn't quite manage the big one. Both Brandon Belt and Aubrey Huff made game-saving plays in the outfield. It was fun. It was more competitive and exciting than it had any right to be, and Brooks Conrad got to be the hero with a ground-rule double and the winning run in a bit of poetic justice.

If I'm the Giants, I have to believe they're pleased with themselves even in a loss. They won't just roll over and die, even when their roster is reduced to Aubrey Huff and a whimsical tea cozy. However, having said that, the Phillies let Lyle "DFA'd From the Pirates" Overbay drive in all three Diamondbacks runs against Roy Halladay and lost at home, putting the Giants 3.5 games out. But fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day. I'm certain that tomorrow will bring more injuries, and I'm equally as certain that Aubrey Huff will be the only member of the Giants roster to not sniff the DL this season. Sabean will have deals in place for Posada, Damon, and Alfonso Soriano by the weekend.

It's really amazing that the Giants have done as much as they have after all that has happened to them this season. If they somehow, somehow manage to make it to the playoffs...that's nothing short of miraculous. It's important to remember that the G-Men should probably have a W-L record more closely resembling the Mariners or Astros than being within spitting distance of first place. This was the best possible loss today. That's something, at least.

Fools Flail in Florida, Flounder Facing Fish: Giants Lose 2-1

Unable to hit base hits, Aubrey Huff resorts to droppin' 'bows.

Bases loaded? The Giants will get you out of that jam. Men on second and third, one out, infield back, tying run on third? Never fear, pals, the Giants are at the plate!

Matt Cain had one bad inning, and Giants pitching allowed two earned runs. Two! No climbing out of that chasm, no sir. This is a team that has angered the gods. Odin has stomped on them with his hobnailed boot, and Zeus has given them a big old blanket party.

So terrible. So unwatchable. See you all at 7:05 EST.

Giants Manage Not to Mess the Bed, Win 6-0

Chris Stewart has been playing professional baseball for ten years. He's a plus-defense catcher with a great, if not entirely accurate, arm. He seems like the nicest dude in the world, and although he's not the offensive threat that Eli Whiteside is (note: Eli Whiteside can hardly be considered an "offensive threat" by any stretch), he doesn't fill you with cold terror every time Tim Lincecum throws a breaking ball in the dirt. This is important. Tim Lincecum is famously particular about his catchers, and the fact that he usually wants to throw to Stewart above Whiteside should tell you a lot.

The Whiteside/Stewart platoon that has been foisted upon us from that fateful day that Buster Posey's ankle flew to smithereens has been tough to watch on the best of days, but Eli Whiteside's bunny-hopping in front of Shane Victorino last week finally made the city of San Francisco chuckle to themselves and say, "Hey, maybe Whitey's okay after all." (Note: Eli Whiteside's nickname is actually "Whitey" because why not.)

It helps that he also made a sweet tackle.

And it also helps that he made a sweet catch on a foul bunt.

And yes, Eli Whiteside even hit a home run in that horrible losing effort that firmly entrenched the Phillies as loathsome arch-fiends in the mind of every Giants fan from now until forever. That has long been the dividing line between Whiteside and Stewart: Eli Whiteside hits home runs a few times a year. Chris Stewart has never hit a major-league home run.

Until last night. Chris Stewart took a first pitch over the left-field wall for his first career home run, and man alive was it a great moment. The grin on his face when he was greeted on the top step by Guillermo "Two Career Home Runs" Mota was possibly my favorite moment of the year. I'm really happy for the guy. Moreso than I'm happy the Giants were able to give Madison Bumgarner a dominating win when they all needed one most. Stay alive, bats. Please, please stay alive.

Lots of stories here. Huff possibly beginning to bounce back. Sergio Romo continuing his dominance. Madison Bumgarner doing historically fantastic things that no freshly-turned-22-year-old has any right doing. But I'm sticking with the Tale of Two Catchers (But Most Importantly the Catcher I Like Best).

So here's to you, Chris Stewart. Here's to your fist-pumping after big strikeouts. Here's to your amazingly fast unloads that sometimes result in fantastic plays. Here's to you being the best sac bunter the Giants have. But here's to you hitting a home run for a major league baseball team, which is forever at #1 on my "Best Feats You Could Accomplish in Life" list.

Giants Lose Game to Luck Made Flesh, 6-1

The last time I was ever happy.

Yet again, the Giants had absolutely nothing go their way and absolutely everything go the Diamondbacks' way. Tim Lincecum gave up a massive home run to a rookie and there's your ballgame. Aubrey Huff, in a situation where a ground ball to second base would score a run, grounds out to the pitcher instead, and there's your ballgame. Carlos Beltran absolutely demolishes a line drive to the wall that would score a run, but Justin Upton catches it, and there's your ballgame. The Giants get ball four called on what was strike three, and Justin Upton follows the walk with a home run, and there's your ballgame. Javier Lopez -- lefty killer, lefty murderer, lefty annihilator -- is inexplicably brought in to face six right-handed batters in a row, and there's your ballgame.

The Giants only need to win one of these three games to leave this series in first place, and they're not going to do it. They get swept tomorrow and my despair reaches a new low.

Honestly, the only thing I have to go on right now is that the Giants have had SUCH rotten luck, that it HAS to turn around sometime. But there's no offense here, there's no help on the horizon, there's no help forthcoming, Bochy has lost faith in Andres Torres, he won't start Belt over the abysmal Huff, he won't play Burrell when Burrell returns, and the pitching staff is falling apart.

I don't believe the Giants can turn this around enough to take the division. The Diamondbacks aren't slowing down. They're only getting better. Maybe once the Giants snap this losing streak, my outlook will be slightly better, but the Phillies are coming to town next and it's just going to be an absolute mauling.

World Series Champions Defeat Phillies 4-1

The Giants make the Phillies so queasy they get Andy Capp-style nausea bubbles

Today was pretty great. First, the Belt/Burrell rumors weren't true. Then the Padres came back -- twice -- to beat the Diamondbacks, taking some of the pressure off of the Giants. Then Carlos Beltran arrived and said all the right things and didn't look weird in the Giants uniform.

Heck, it almost didn't need a weakened Tim Lincecum to shut down the Phillies for six innings. Almost. Chase Utley can't hit Lincecum. Can't even see him. Jeremy Affeldt? No problem, bro. Utley can crank a double off him no probskis. Lincecum? Utley's standing up there like he's batting against a...g-g-g-ghost!

Beltran went 0-for-4 with a pair of strikeouts. No worries, pal, don't rush things, we'll take it from here. The Phillies lost their first back-to-back games at home since MAY. The Giants took the series. Feels good, man.

In less-than-awesome news, Brian Sabean today pretty much came out and said that Brandon Belt has no chance of winning the starting first baseman job. That stinks out loud, but now that it's out in the open, it's a little easier. Belt will be coming into games late and getting maybe one at-bat per. It's better than nothing. Huff is bound to have SOME positive regression. He certainly can't get much worse. There's also a tiny, tiny, minuscule chance that Sabes is working on a Zito trade. That would be...well, that would just be spiffy.

But for today, a series win. A four-game lead. A shiny new Beltran. I'll take it.

Giants Win, 2-1, but Somehow Lose

Today started awesome, then got better. The Mariners ended their losing streak. The Giants obtained Carlos Beltran without giving up Gary Brown. Then the Giants took a game against Cole Hamels while having both Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff in their starting lineup.

But then, the other shoe dropped. The Giants needed to free up a roster slot for Beltran, and CSN Bay Area is reporting that the planned moves are to DFA Pat Burrell and to send Brandon Belt back to the minors. Splashing Pumpkins has the full breakdown as to why these are the worst ideas of all time, but if this is true, this is probably the least faith I have had in the Giants organization since...I don't even know when. I'm just sad.

Bill Hall is staying with the team. Miguel Tejada and Aaron Rowand and Manny Burriss are staying with the team. Mark DeRosa is staying with the team. But Pat the Bat, bench player extraordinaire, a better hitter than Rowand, Ross, and Schierholtz, is leaving. The guy who should have been starting at first base, and should STILL be starting at first base over the historically abysmal Aubrey Huff, is yet again sent to the minors, yet again for no good reason.

I'm hoping this rumor is false. I'm hoping Sabean is working on a package deal to ship Rowand and Huff the hell out of town like he did with Molina when Bochy refused to start Posey. But we'll see what tomorrow brings. We'll see what Beltran contributes. We'll see the repeated failings of Rowand, and Huff, and Ross, and see Belt in the minors and Schierholtz riding the bench.

Sad. Just sad.

UPDATE: The Belt/Burrell stuff is probably bunk, because CSN Bay Area are a bunch of unprofessional hacks. The Burrell thing is impossible since he's on the DL and Mychael Urban has been assured Belt isn't being sent down. If it were me, I'd release Hall and send down Burriss but what do I know? So the news isn't necessarily accurate, but still. I am on pins as well as needles.

- Bill

Phillies Win 7-2, Giants Still World Champions

wheeeee

Look, everyone and their mother knew that the Giants were losing the Barry Zito start. It just wasn't supposed to be game one. Tim Lincecum was scratched on account of the flu, and the Phillies ended up hitting five home runs last night, one of them an inside-the-park job by Chase "have you heard of this band Social Distortion? they're like my favorite punk band" Utley.

As I watched tater upon tater leave the yard last night, and as I watched the Giants get three-hit by Vance "Clarence" Worley, I became numb, and greatly thankful that we were just getting the Zito game over with. He even had the good grace to go seven innings, saving the bullpen for the remainder of the road trip.

So maybe the Giants can still win a game this series. Maybe they'll stop sucking. Because the Padres shat the bed last night against the Diamondbacks, and the NL West could find itself in a tie for first in short order the way things are going.

Guessing that both Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff start today. Rowand had a pinch-hit homer and Huff drew a walk. Gotta play the hot hand, Bochy.

P.S.: Hey Giants. START HITTING.

- Bill

Giants Over Dodgers, 5-0

Herpin' my derp like yeah

Ryan Vogelsong qualified for, and now leads, the National League in ERA. Pablo Sandoval hit just the most massive home run. The defense was awesome. This was a nice, comfortable game. Maybe the first one this season. Refreshing.

The Brewers blew it in the desert, and today I found out that the Brew Crew just stinks on ice on the road this season. Hopefully that bears out when they come to AT&T in a few days, and also hopefully they get their act together and stomp on some snakes today. Just once guys, okay?

Today the Giants draw Rubby De La Rosa, who irks me endlessly because his name is "Rubby" BUT IT IS SOMEHOW NOT PRONOUNCED "RUBBY." The nerve of that guy. Hopefully the Giants can keep it up against him tonight, because tomorrow is Clayton Kershaw, and we all know how that one is playing out.

Injury news: Miguel Tejada went down with a lower ab strain, but somehow Aubrey Huff persists. Brandon Belt languishes. Aubrey Huff will outlive us all, smirking at us from above his massive soul patch. Aubrey Huff hit above Cody Ross in the order today. Guess which one didn't get two hits. I'm not calling for snipers at AT&T, because we know the lengths Bochy will go to in order to start a rookie over a gritty veteran. I'm not wishing for the possibility of injury to Aubrey Huff. I am honestly wishing for him to quit his Human Star Trek routine of only being good during even-numbered years. I am just thinking out loud, dudes. I am just saying.

Giants Beat Padres 6-1, Move 4 Games into First Place

Andres Torres -- FROZEN IN CARBONITE

Well, Pablo's hitting streak comes to an end, but it's fun winning baseball games by a comfortable margin for a change. I'm sure that will dry up, just like I'm sure Aubrey Huff will continue to roll grounders over to the second baseman and swing at balls in the dirt for strike three. When you're hitting worse than Miguel Tejada, Aaron Rowand, Chris Stewart, Eli Whiteside, and Tim Lincecum, YOU SHOULDN'T BE THE STARTING FIRST BASEMAN. At one point when I was scoring last Saturday's game in San Francisco, Huff was at bat, and I decided to just go ahead and write in "4-3." A pitch later, he came through for me. It's a good thing, since I was keeping score in pen.

In conclusion, FREE BELT.

I Only Missed the Ten Uneventful Innings; Giants Win 6-2 in 12.

Aubrey Huff did something awesome [citation needed]

When the Giants loaded the bases with nobody out in the top of the twelfth, I wondered how they were going to screw this up. When Michael Tejada was announced as a pinch hitter, I thought I had my answer. Sure enough, Tejada popped up in foul territory on the first pitch, then Andres Torres struck out. I thought man, that's it. The Giants aren't scoring here and the Padres will hit a few bloop singles in the bottom of this inning and walk it off. BUT NO. Fightin' Mike Fontenot drew a four-pitch walk for the go-ahead run, and Sandoval and Schierholtz tacked on four insurance runs for the hell of it.

The Giants still tried to give it away, though. The Padres loaded the bases in the bottom of the inning, and Wilson had to come in with the bases loaded and one out and only gave up one run (charged to Javier Lopez), which I think counts as Wilson's second-least-stressful save this season. Least stressful overall if the All-Star Game doesn't count.

So three and a half games in first place, and I'm rooting for the Dodgers to sweep the Diamondbacks this weekend. I'll be attending the game tomorrow, along with 25,000 other Giants fans in San Diego (weep for the 8,000-10,000 Padres fans in attendance). During last night's game, I realized what the best thing is about playing the Andrian Gonzalez-less Padres at Petco: the game almost certainly won't be won on a walk-off home run.

Giants Somehow Take Two of Three From Scott Hairston

All-Star. Fuck the naysayers.

I was actually in Northern California for this series, and attended Saturday night's game. It was one of the best baseball experiences of my life, and luckily the Giants won. I got to experience the catharsis of Sergio Romo striking out Giants-killer Scott Hairston on three brutal sliders, less than 24 hours after he destroyed the G-Men for the one hundred and seventh time in his career.

So we have a team that has been more than decimated by injuries to key players. A team whose offense is tied together by a legit All-Star and a suddenly-living-up-to-expectations Nate Schierholtz. The downside is that they are surrounded by a bunch of creaky old timers having career-worst seasons offensively, a couple of banjo-swinging youngsters, and Aaron Rowand. I imagine this is what the first draft of Bochy's lineup card looks like every day:

1- Whoever can walk and then get picked off first

2- Out

3- Sandoval

4- Out

5- Out

6- Schierholtz

7- Out

8- Out

9- Pitcher???? (Ask Righetti)

Still though, besides Wilson (more guts than stuff), the Giants pitching, particularly their bullpen, is out of this world. The Giants win on smoke and mirrors most nights, and especially at home they refuse to give up, and inexplicably -- honestly, I have no idea how this happened -- the Giants have the fifth-best record in baseball, and are entering the All-Star Break three games ahead of the Diamondbacks in the NL West. If they can even get a halfway-warm bat or two by the tradeline, and if Huff continues to completely Aubrey it up at the plate and Bochy can wrap his head around giving Belt some starts, it may end up being another great season. Amazing.

So why am I so worried?

- Bill

Giants Hate America, Lose to Padres 5-3

Okay, so now we need TWO hitters.

It should have been closer. Wasted opportunities. It could have been the Giants' tenth walk-off win of the season. Wasted opportunities wrapped inside a thin layer of squandered chances and served atop a bed of regrets.

This was only the third game of the season against the San Diego Banes of my GD Existence. Thanks to the unbalanced schedule, fully 20% of the remaining games are against the Padres. That is not hyperbole. Look it up. One in every five games from here on out is the worst two offenses in the National League trying to out-not-hit one another. The second half of the season is not going to be fun.

No trades forthcoming. The only combo-breaker in the Giants lineup of guaranteed outs is Pablo Sandoval, who is having a historic baseball-mauling streak that is being squandered on the rest of these mandolin-hitting suckbats. 13-game hitting streak, but 9-game extra-base hit streak, which equals the San Francisco team record. He's really brutalizing the ball to all fields and being the bounceback thinner Panda we all hoped he'd be at the beginning of the year. Now he just needs to hope some of that magic pixie dust wears off on Huff, Torres, Ross, and everyone else in the lineup. Tejada and Schierholtz are probably the two hitters in the lineup who aren't swinging at pickoff throws to first. And that is TERRIFYING.

Bochy Leaves Cain in Too Long, Giants Win Unnecessarily Stressful Game, 6-5

yeeeeeeeee

Well, the Giants were ahead 5-0 for most of that game, then 5-1, but in the seventh inning Bochy was like, "Hmm, Cain has thrown over 100 pitches and is visibly struggling with his command. He barely survived the sixth inning with every D'Backs hitter crushing the ball against him. Let's see how this plays out!"

Other than the shaky pitching, the Giants offense looked really solid for a change. Cody Ross has two doubles, 2RBI, 2 runs, a stolen base (stole home as part of a double steal) and a walk. Aubrey Huff had a hit and two walks. Nate Schierholtz hit a bit insurance RBI triple after being 0-for-3 to that point. Perhaps most importantly, Pablo Sandoval looked good, stroking an RBI single in his first at-bat and working an amazing 10-pitch walk which may have been the best Giants at-bat of the season to date. Even Eli Whiteside reached base twice!

So what could have been the Giants' easiest win this season instead became a gut-wrenching marathon. Since I'm leaving for vacation and my Baseball Feelings may be few and far between for the next ten days, it was a very Giants-like send-off.

- Bill

Giants Play Legitimate Baseball Game, Beat Reds 4-2

He's a good leadoff hitter, but the real money is in his hambone solos.

Early on, it looked like the same old, ridiculous Giants. Leadoff walk gets thrown out on a stupid steal attempt, a swing and miss on a hit-and-run, and Jonathan Sanchez walking batters who clearly couldn't even tell where the ball was going. But they turned it around and played a for-real baseball game. Huff got some hits and a couple of RBI. Schierholtz stayed in the game against a lefty and immediately lofted a sac fly for the go-ahead run. The defense was amazingly great behind a shaky Sanchez (pretty much the only guy who shows up these days). The Giants worked counts, the Reds made mistakes, and the good guys walked away with the win after outplaying Dusty Baker's lineup of mashers. Javier Lopez made Joey Votto and Jay Bruce look like they'd never held a bat before. It's a good win.

Pablo Sandoval comes back tomorrow as the Giants open a series in Arizona against the second-place Diamondbacks. A huge series. The Giants need some bats, and fast. Chris Stewart got the start at catcher yesterday and got a double, drew a walk, and gunned down a guy trying to steal second base. These are things that Eli Whiteside basically can't do. Stewart may have even blocked a pitch in the dirt at one point! Still, they need a for-real catcher. With Sandoval back and Fontenot coming back soon, it will be an interesting couple of weeks to see how Huff and the newly-arrived Bill Hall continue to perform. It will be July 31 soon, and the Giants will likely need a lot more help a lot sooner. It's scary, but it probably won't be dull.

- Bill

WHAT IN THE: Giants Defeat Nationals 5-4 in 13 Innings

"Shpedoinkle!"

Unsustainable. Unbelievable. I don't know what the hell that game was. Time Lincecum struck out five batters through two innings, giving him exactly 1,000 career strikeouts (the fastest pitcher ever to 1K Ks), and then forgot what is a baseball game and coughed up four runs in the next two innings. I knew there was no way -- just no way -- that the Giants would score any runs in this game. Not with Tejada and Rowand taking up spots in the lineup. Not with Aubrey Huff being 0-for-13 since his three-homer game.

But the Giants scratched out four runs in the seventh and eighth innings. Even more importantly, the Giants bullpen was immaculate, combining for eight scoreless innings. Even Jeremy Affeldt -- who is basically just a left-handed can of kerosene -- had the best 1.2 innings I've ever seen him pitch.

It was an amazing, improbable game of the type that only the Giants have been able to crank out for the past two seasons. AT&T Park is filled with some insanely potent pixie dust (eight walk-off wins so far this season), but the Giants are in desperate need of offense, and soon.

Here's a rundown of the ways the Giants did NOT win last night's game.

- First Inning: Andres Torres gets a leadoff single. Freddy Sanchez walks with one out. The Giants do not score.

- Fourth Inning: Cody Ross gets a leadoff walk. The Giants do not score.

- Sixth Inning: Michael Tejada gets a leadoff bunt single. The Giants do not score.

(Now it gets silly)

- Ninth Inning: Andres Torres gets a leadoff walk. The Nationals pitcher couldn't locate the strike zone if he was Geordi LaForge bitten by a radioactive spider. Tejada delivers the hardest bunt I've ever seen on a 2-0 pitch, which should have been a double play, but first baseman Michael Morse goes for the force at first. Runner on second, one out. Pitcher is still effectively wild, and walks Freddy Sanchez as Torres steals third. Runners at the corners, one out. Cody Ross hits an easy double-play grounder, but the shortstop throws home and cuts down Torres. The Giants have runners on first and second. The Giants do not score.

- Tenth Inning: The Giants get a one-out single by Brandon Crawford, who takes second on a wild pitch. The pitcher is all over the zone this inning, but gets the .000-batting Chris Stewart to chase and strike out. Runner on second, two outs. Jeremy Affeldt comes to the plate and takes basically the ugliest swing in history at a ball a foot over his head. He looks at the next five pitches and takes his first walk since 2003. HIS FIRST WALK IN EIGHT YEARS. Runners on first and second, two outs, and Pudge Rodriguez is looking like the Canucks goalie behind home plate as every pitch is bouncing around like crazy. Still, Andres Torres swings at balls four, five, and six, and strikes out to end the inning. The Giants do not score.

So yeah, in terms of sheer ineptitude and feebleness with the bats, it's no wonder the Giants are constantly flirting with a negative run differential. It's no wonder that the vast majority of their games are one-run affairs. They invent whole new ways of not scoring on a daily basis. Luckily, Stewart was able to not swing at pitches in the 13th and get a leadoff walk, Tejada was able to run just fast enough to turn a double play into a fielder's choice, and Freddy Sanchez was able to flip a single into right field for the win.

Or maybe it's not lucky at all. Both teams were out of bench players and nearly out of pitchers. Bochy said after the game he was going to ask Tejada to pitch an inning when his bullpen ran out. That would have almost made TJ's contract worth it. Almost.

RYAN. VOGELSONG. Giants Win, 2-1

Pat found those "rad stilts" at a church rummage sale and it tickles him so.

Ryan Vogelsong, man. Dude is...amazing. McCovey Chronicles puts it succinctly:

"Juan Marichal never had a run of six straight starts allowing one earned run or fewer. Neither has Tim Lincecum. Gaylord Perry or Carl Hubbell never did it.

Ryan Vogelsong."

Why this dude isn't in every conversation about best pitcher in the NL is completely beyond me. Dude is an enormous upgrade over Zito and the one and only good-news Giants injury story this season.

As the Giants were being no-hit through six innings, I found myself thinking that Pablo Sandoval's imminent return in the next week is the longest wait for offense ever. Today's come-from-behind win alleviates that a little. Tejada had two hits, Huff had none. Belt is on the disabled list along with basically everyone.

The Giants are still winning ballgames and it is pretty awesome when they do, and unbelievably frustrating when they don't. So it goes. I'll take a series win over the loathsome Rockies any day. The stupid Diamondbacks won't stop winning ballgames, and even though the Nationals -- maybe the second-worst team in baseball right now -- are coming to town tomorrow, the Giants will probably be lucky to take two of three given the state of this friggin' team.

Giants vs. Nationals tomorrow. Lincecum on the hill. PRAY FOR JUSTICE