mathematically eliminated #25 the Colorado Rockies

I know very little about the Rockies, other than they are the Rockies. They and the Diamondbacks are still in this grey area of my brain being neither of them existed on the baseball cards I hoarded as a youngster, thus they have no illustrated Diamond Kings at all, meaning they cannot be that great. But they are eliminated, having gotten ousted from mathematical contention for the lowered standard of MLB wild cards yesterday evening, while I was still watching football. We are left with 24 teams officially still standing a chance at winning the World Series this year.

Vogelsong and Bumgarner Get 13th Wins Against Colorado

Take a breather, Conor.

The Giants have taken the first two of their last series of the year. A 3-1 typical Giants victory behind Ryan Vogelsong, who finishes the season in the top 5 of NL ERA leaders, and if he doesn't win NL Comeback Player of the Year then why even have the award, man? Then Madison Bumgarner held the Rockies scoreless, becoming just the fifth Giants player ever to finish the season with a K/BB ratio of more than 4.00 which is just insane. This was his year 21 season and he is already an ace on most MLB teams. INSANE. This dude is going to be something else for years and years.

Conor Gillaspie hit his first home run last night, an inside-the-parker. Please enjoy a .gif, courtesy of Find the Swagger.

The Giants try to avoid the sweep today by not starting Matt Cain, as scheduled, opting instead to go with Eric Surkamp on three days' "rest." (Quotation marks because he didn't make it out of the first inning in his last start so look for today's game to end up being something like 25-1 Rockies.)

Pat Burrell will start today for the Giants, possibly his last start ever. If Cody Ross doesn't pinch-hit today, which he's unlikely to do, it may be his last time in a Giants uniform. Eli Whiteside can please let the door hit him on the ass on the way out. Andres Torres may be non-tendered a contract in the offseason. Brett Pill will probably be next year's backup 1B. Brandon Belt went 3-for-3 last night with a walk and his first splash hit, which was a legit bomb. He'll probably be next year's everyday left fielder, because Aubrey Huff. Carlos Beltran is probably only signing with the Giants if they sign Jimmy Rollins, Prince Fielder, AND Albert Pujols and trade for Jose Bautista, so look for him to light his jersey on fire in the dugout mere seconds after the last out is made today.

It has been the craziest season, man. I will watch today's game with sadness and hope and love, and await PLAYOFF BASEBALL and of course, wait 'til next year.

Giants Sweep Rockies, Make the Playoff Race Way Too Interesting

Triples hitter.

Eight wins in a row. Four games back in the Wild Card race. Three games against Arizona next weekend. This is the big one.

The Giants went for their first four-game sweep in history at Coors Field. Matt Cain took the mound and was decidedly un-Cain-like, between getting screwed behind the plate by Joe West (who else?) and giving up five runs while barely going the full five innings. Luckily, the Giants hitters went absolutely bananas. The Giants hit four home runs in an inning, including a bomb from Cain himself.

Brandon Belt started three of the four games, and homered in the three games he started. Still, Bruce Bochy couldn't help but take jabs at Belt when talking about how amazing Brett Pill looked while hitting two triples last night. I don't know why Bochy hates young position players so much, but he really, really hates them.

Today's game was nuts. Pablo Sandoval had two home runs in one inning and a stand-up triple. Brandon Crawford and Mike Fontenot jacked jimmies. Justin Christian made the craziest catch of the year, leaping into the third row to catch a foul fly ball. That's not an exaggeration. He jumped halfway over the wall and caught the ball in the third row.

Brian Wilson made his first appearance since going on the DL and struck out two before Christian's nutso catch. It was decidedly un-Wilson-like.

This team is playing like their elimination number isn't "5" and it's amazing to see. The clock's going to strike midnight soon, but not for a few more games at least. I can only imagine how much this run of games is boosting the confidence of everyone on the team not named "Carlos Beltran," who couldn't look any more devoid of emotion if he was lecturing James Kirk about cheating on the Kobayashi Maru scenario.

Day off tomorrow, then I hope to be at Dodger Stadium as Tim Lincecum tries to lead the Giants to their first-ever win against Clayton Kershaw. Let's do this.

Giants Win 9-1? What the H?

Oh, someone left the game with an injury? Whew, still the same team, then.

The Giants offensive juggernaut rolls on in spite of their impending elimination. They've won six straight now, and Brandon Belt has homered in two straight games. Heck, even Chris Stewart managed to hit his second career home run thanks to Coors Field, which is located on a space station orbiting the Earth.

Madison Bumgarner had another frigging incredible start, going 7 innings with no earned runs, and providing the crack-the-game-wide-open moment when he came up with two on and two out and very nearly cranked one out before settling for a two-run double. That was awesome.

Lots of fun little moments in this one, even though Pablo Sandoval was 0-for-4 and Cody Ross leaving the game with a strained hammy after hitting a homer and what would have been a double had he not come up lame. Let's hope this train keeps rolling, playoffs be damned.

Pablo Sandoval Hits for the Cycle in 8-5 Giants Win

Not pictured: Pablo Sandoval hitting a triple.

Baseball is the best. I think that's pretty much indisputable. Also indisputable: if you call yourself a baseball fan and you don't like Pablo Sandoval, you should probably hang it up. Hockey season will be starting soon. Try that for a while and get it together.

Seriously, Pablo Sandoval. A perpetually-smiling, fat third baseman who hits like if Ichiro were Vladimir Guerrero. He's a switch-hitter with an afro whose nickname is "Kung Fu Panda." He's naturally left-handed and taught himself to throw right-handed so he could be an infielder. There is nothing to not love. Last night, he hit the second cycle of 2011, and the 10th in San Francisco history. It was awesome. He went 4-for-4 with an intentional walk in his fifth plate appearance, and his homer was the 20th of the season for him. This dude missed FORTY games this season with a broken hamate bone in his hand, and still put together an All-Star year as well as being the best defensive third baseman in the National League by UZR. The Gold Glove will probably go to Scott Rolen, because the managers in MLB just go with the first name they can think of for position players.

Brandon Belt got a hit last night, an opposite-field homer. The Giants had their third 8-run game in their last 5 games. They had three 8-run games in eighty-nine games prior to that.

This Giants five-game winning streak is nice, and if they had broken their offensive slump just two weeks earlier, they might be in contention for a playoff berth rather than playing out the string and staying technically-not-eliminated for as long as they can. It's kind of sad, but performances last Pablo's last night are reminders that 2011 -- for all its disasters and tragedies and improbabilities along the way -- was one of the most exciting and thrilling and emotional as any season in my lifetime of following the team. That includes last year's World Series championship run. It has been one hell of a year, and I'm still looking forward to 2012. After a run of games like this, it's hard to hate life quite so much.

RYAN. VOGELSONG. Giants Win, 2-1

Pat found those "rad stilts" at a church rummage sale and it tickles him so.

Ryan Vogelsong, man. Dude is...amazing. McCovey Chronicles puts it succinctly:

"Juan Marichal never had a run of six straight starts allowing one earned run or fewer. Neither has Tim Lincecum. Gaylord Perry or Carl Hubbell never did it.

Ryan Vogelsong."

Why this dude isn't in every conversation about best pitcher in the NL is completely beyond me. Dude is an enormous upgrade over Zito and the one and only good-news Giants injury story this season.

As the Giants were being no-hit through six innings, I found myself thinking that Pablo Sandoval's imminent return in the next week is the longest wait for offense ever. Today's come-from-behind win alleviates that a little. Tejada had two hits, Huff had none. Belt is on the disabled list along with basically everyone.

The Giants are still winning ballgames and it is pretty awesome when they do, and unbelievably frustrating when they don't. So it goes. I'll take a series win over the loathsome Rockies any day. The stupid Diamondbacks won't stop winning ballgames, and even though the Nationals -- maybe the second-worst team in baseball right now -- are coming to town tomorrow, the Giants will probably be lucky to take two of three given the state of this friggin' team.

Giants vs. Nationals tomorrow. Lincecum on the hill. PRAY FOR JUSTICE

Bumgarner Has the Audacity to Allow One Earned Run, One Unearned Run; Giants Lose 2-1

"The guys asked me to tell you they hate you."

What an enormous bag of butts that game was. The Giants got four-hit by lousy pitching, got picked off after a double, got caught stealing, let a run score on a thrown away double-play ball, sat their hottest hitter, made their second-hottest hitter bat behind Aubrey Huff, and plastered another humongous "L" to the undeserving carcass of Sadison Bummedgarner, who pitched a great game.

I guess the only consolation is that both teamed looked equally lousy today. The Rockies got a bunch of bloop hits and did their best "2010 Padres" impression. Giants hitters can't hit. It's problematic, sure, but what are you gonna do, NOT play Michael Tejada?

Slugger Tejada is Benched, Giants Manage 3-1 Win

AWOOOOOOOOO

Not a lot to say on this one. Matt Cain looked pretty un-Cain-like in the early innings, then settled down late, getting outs when he needed them. Huff got an 0-fer but got BABiP'd on a couple of well-struck balls. Manny Burriss, replacing Michael Tejada in the number 2 slot, was 3-for-4. If he hadn't gotten picked off first following a leadoff hit in the fourth inning, the score would have been 4-1. Brandon Crawford got his first AT&T Park hit and RBI with his family in attendance, which is neat. Dude's a lifetime Giants fan. Feel-good story of the week, easily.

Giants still look good enough to keep plugging along. Rockies still look pretty lousy overall. Brian Wilson still can't get a three-batter save under any circumstances. The big Giants news of the past couple days is Giants GM Brian Sabean going on the radar and calling for a hit on Scott Cousins and his family, and the Joe Torre calling the Giants and being like, "ARE YOU INSANE" and then the Giants releasing a statement that is all "lol taken out of context" so it was a shameful couple of days for this front office to say the least.

Jason Giambi pinch-hit in the top of the ninth and was summarily booed vociferously. This pleases me a great deal. Being a fan of the team where Barry Bonds is the ultimate hometown hero and the repentant beloved white steroids abuser is enemy number one is pleasing on many levels.

Giants attempt to win the series tomorrow, and depending on where you live the FOX SPORTS RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR may determine it's your local game of the week. MLB.tv will black out all four potential games because the hell with you, buddy. You should own a television, pay for cable, and live in whatever location you need to live to watch the game you want. Anything less would be uncivilized.

Just Pathetic: Giants Lose, 6-0

See, the ball is a metaphor for the Giants' playoff chances.

How many times must Aubrey Huff have a swinging strikeout or double-play groundout with runners in scoring position before Bochy is forced to admit that he's stinking on ice? One thousand times? Probably one thousand. I love Aubrey to death, but he is killing this team. It's not just his fault, though: everyone else on the Giants sucks too. Huff is just the guy hitting third or fourth every day. Really. Every day. Brandon Belt started yesterday. Know where he started? Left field. Know who's batting second today? Michael Tejada. Brandon Belt's sitting again today. You know who's playing instead? Aaron Rowand.

The Giants need to trade for six Jose Reyeii and have Pablo Sandoval come back ASAP. Since that won't be happening, we'll just hope for lightning to strike again. Should be any day now.

The Diamondbacks are in first place in the NL West for the first time since 2008. I'd rather have them there than the Rockies, but maybe this year's D-Backs are last year's Giants. (They're not.)

The Giants didn't get swept by the Brewers, so that's something. They start a series against the Cardinals today, and given today's lineup, this is a pretty good start for a Redbirds sweep with minimal effort. Tony LaRussa can finally bat his pitcher in the cleanup spot. He can go with a six-man infield. He can have his pitcher throw from center field. The Giants still won't be scoring any runs.

Giants Lose 5-3, Drop to Second Place

It ain't your fault, Dirty. Well, unless we're talking about why the Giants lost today.

For the first three innings, the Giants offense did everything right. For the first seven innings, the Giants defense did everything right. It should have been a 3-1 victory behind Jonathan Sanchez's best start this year by miles and miles. Instead, Bochy leaves him in too long (sound familiar?), and Sanchez wings a sac bunt into right field and there you go.

The good news is that the Giants don't have to come back to the pee-pee soaked heck-hole that is Coors Field until September. The bad news is that Bruce Bochy doesn't know when to go to his bullpen, or who to bring in when he does. When he finally yanked Sanchez in a 3-3 tie in the eighth, he brings in Javier Lopez -- who is awesome and I love the guy -- to face two right-handers before the lefty, Carlos Gonzalez. (Right-handers are hitting .360 against Lopez.) Gonzalez got just the third left-handed hit against Lopez this season but it shouldn't have gotten that far.

Honestly, it's not Bochy's fault Sanchez can't buckle down and handle his problems. But it's a tough pill to swallow the day after the Lincecum fiasco.

Whatever man, it's not the end of the season. But...man. Just so disgusted with these dudes right now.

The Impotent Rage of the Giants Fan: Giants Lose, 7-4

Gotta throw strikes to get calls, bro.

If the Giants season up until now was frustrating, watching tonight's game was a lesson in restrained fury. It was difficult reconciling the bile rising in one's throat with the image of Tim Lincecum on the mound. This is our ace; our one reliable touchstone, tonight reduced to an effectively-wild and rattled have-nothing who was clearly burnt to a crisp long before Bruce Bochy decided to leave him in well past his expiration date, and he promptly coughed up a 4-2 lead and turned it into a 7-4 deficit in one scant inning.

The Giants played as though they were aggressively attempting to lose the game. DeRosa let a handful of balls get past him, through him, under him, and over him all evening, which matched his 0-for-18 slump since coming off the DL. Lincecum threw away a double-play ball which extended/led to the aforementioned five-run inning. The ump's strike zone was spectacularly unfair to the Giants all evening, but it doesn't help when Lincecum isn't able to throw strikes.

The Giants had their leadoff hitter reach base in no fewer than six innings and then relentlessly did not bring those runners in. When Lincecum was melting down, Bochy decided to warm up his worst bullpen pitcher, Jeremy Affeldt.

This entire game was ineptitude writ large, especially considering everyone save DeRosa reached base at least once today. The Giants are a ball of screaming at your television nestled in a bassinet of punching things.

If the Giants fail to reach the playoffs this year, please refer to this game as the point at which everything collapsed.

Ho-Hum, Another Walkoff Win: Giants over Rockies, 3-2

I heard things

Operation: Bat Mike Fontenot Third had its most palpable results to date. The diminuitive dynamo had a double and a leaping line-drive snag at the most key of moments that, if you don't see it on Web Gems tomorrow, somebody done fucked up. But most importantly, Fontenot came up in a tie game with runners at first and second and nobody out in the bottom of the ninth. He showed bunt, and took a pitch low. He showed bunt, and bunted a pitch foul. He showed bunt, and hit the deck as a wild pitch sailed a foot over his head (so like five feet high) and went to the backstop. The runners advanced to second and third, so you know what Mike Fontenot did? On the next pitch, he busted a deep fly ball to the warning track in right field and he DROVE THAT RUN THE FUCK IN.

That may seem like the most fundamental baseball sense in the world, but that's the type of thing the Giants have not been doing in 2011, and to an extent, something they've been doing the past few years. The Giants of last night and tonight look like a hell of a team. They've been picking themselves off the floor and coming back just when you think there's no way they can. If this team ever starts firing on all cylinders and has all their key players healthy at the same time, look out.

Something else that's really impressed me the past two games: Bruce Bochy isn't afraid to use his closer as a stopper. Brian Wilson has pitched two solid innings in the top of the ninth inning in back-to-back tied games. This is a great way to play baseball. Also, it's clear that Bochy has a much keener grasp on how to handle his bullpen than does Clint Hurdle, and that may have won the game tonight.

The Giants try to avoid the sweep tomorrow. Posey will be wearing pink Mother's Day cleats and some of the B-squad may be starting, as is Bochy's modus operandi when the Giants take the first two games in a three-game series. But the Giants have an off day on Monday, so who knows?

By the way, Michael Tejada: still useless.

Giants Do It For Willie, Beat Rockies 4-3

PUMPED

On Willie Mays' 80th birthday, on the day that was declared Willie Mays Day by the mayor of San Francisco, on the day where the Giants are playing their 11th game in a row after a flight from New York last night with the team mired in a hellacious slump on all fronts...there was a stunning, come-from-behind storybook evening. A game that was won on deep at-bats, clutch hits in late innings, sparkling defense, and unlikely heroes. It was...perfect. Eventually, anyway.

Matt Cain pitched 7 strong but gave up three runs to the Rockies, including giving up Troy Tulowitzki's 100th career tater. Unfortunately, the Giants looked as pathetic as ever on offense, going without a hit against Ubaldo Jiminez through the first four innings.

That doesn't really tell the whole story, however. The Giants had really fantastic at-bats all evening. They got Jiminez up to the 100 pitch mark in no time, made him throw a 20+ pitch first inning -- something the Giants never, EVER do -- took a ton of walks even before they got a hit, and just looked unlucky, getting the living daylights BABIP'd out of them. They were blistering pitches, just right at people. Rockies fielders waved their gloves blindly at seeing-eye grounders, which would seeing-eye right into the webbing. The breaks that Giants usually have go against them kept going against them.

BUT THEN in the sixth inning, Operation: Bat Mike Fontenot Third paid off yet again, with the hammerin' Hobbit getting a leadoff triple, then coming home to get the Giants on the board on Posey's fielder's choice. Huff struck out and Pat Burrell picked up his third walk of the night. with two on and two out, Nate Schierholz grounded out. Fontenot also contributed with an AMAZING defensive play in the top of the seventh inning. Mike Tejada had a leadoff single in the bottom of the seventh inning, but karma kicked in and he was left stranded as the Giants got three straight outs.

BUT THEN in the bottom of the eighth, Fontenot flied out, Posey got a big opposite-field single (a "Posey Special"), and Aubrey Huff struck out. With two outs, Pat Burrell had a grinder of an at-bat, then belted a double to Triples Alley (irony!), and a cannon-armed toss held up Posey at third. Darren "Vroom" Ford came in to run for Burrell and here was Nate Schierholz again, batting with two on and two out. He had yet another great at-bat, and doubled down the left-field line and plated both runs, tying the game.

Brian Wilson came in to pitch the top of the ninth, looking like Saturn about to eat his kid's heads. He tossed a seven-pitch inning and then here came the Giants again. Late replacement and slumper supreme Cody Ross led off the bottom of the ninth with a double down the right-field line. Aaron Rowand struck out (on a low slider, shock of shocks), and OTHER supreme slumper Freddy Sanchez came up. With the crowd rocking and rolling and chanting "FREDDY, FREDDY," Sanchez slapped a ball up the middle, just past Tulo's glove and into center field. Ross came roaring around third and scored standing up, one exultant fist held high.

The fireworks went off, Tony Bennett sang, the Giants hopped up and down and whooped and hollered, and I like to think Willie Mays was watching it all with a smile on his face. Earlier today, a thousand sports writers typed tens of thousands of words about what the Say Hey Kid means to baseball, and what he has meant to sports fans and to the world for about the past sixty years. Before the game, Willie shed a few tears as he chatted with his friends and teammates from the Black Barons, and with McCovey and Alou and Gaylord Perry, and listened to glowing words from Jon Miller and Lon Simmons and Tony Bennett and Barack Obama and Bill Clinton and Hank Aaron and Bill Cosby and forty-something thousand fans whose hearts swell with pride knowing that he belongs to them and vice versa, forever. And late tonight, at 24 Willie Mays Plaza, in the most gorgeous ballpark in baseball, a bunch of beat-up and dog-tired slump-stricken ne'er-do-wells -- and defending World Champions, as unlikely as it still seems -- came from behind to beat their hottest division rivals, and bring joy to the hearts of San Francisco fans all over again.

Say Hey! Thanks, Kid.

Eat it, Rockies

POOOOUUUUNNNCCEEEE

Troy Tulowitzki entered the series against the Giants batting .364. He is currently batting .323 after going 0 for 8 in the first two games. He demonstrated a knack for sulking, refusing to run on a passed-ball third strike, staring at Buster Posey and taking his batting gloves off determinedly while waiting at home plate to be tagged out. I hope he and Albert Pujols are thrown into the same slump-pit to rot for the rest of 2011.

The Rockies are suddenly figuring out that their best-record-in-baseball, haven't-lost-consecutive-games hot start looks a lot less impressive when you're not playing the Diamondbacks, Mets, or Cubs any more. By contrast, the Giants are suddenly figuring out that they are THE DEFENDING WORLD CHAMPIONS, that their offense is light-years better than it was in the first half of 2010, and coincidentally, clubhouse manager Mike Murphy just found a big box in the attic marked "SWAGGER" that he meant to take down after the team returned from the Cactus League. Better late than never, Murph!

Historically, the Giants avoid the sweep today. Matt Cain is pitching, Sandoval injured himself at BP an hour ago, and Cody Ross returns. It's going to be a fun one. Let's play...just the one. Travel day tomorrow. Two would be silly.

What a Lovely Turn of Events

I should write negative BF previews more often. Just hours after posting my fears about the historically unkind bouncy-house known as Coors Field, the Giants went absolutely bonkers. Lincecum took a no-hitter into the seventh inning, while Nate Schierholtz (a notoriously light-hitting leftie whose only home run at the short-porched AT&T Park was an inside-the-parker) launched a ludicrous third-deck shot, one of three Giants taters on the evening. The good guys won by a final of 8-1, Tulowitzki went hitless, and Kung Fu Panda took three walks.

Pat Burrell picked up his fifth home run in nine hits, but his first non-solo homer of the season. It's always a blast watching Burrell launch his moon shots, because he has that humongous, goofy swing. He just goes WHAM, watches the ball only until he's sure it's not hooking foul, then stares at the ground and trots around the bases. He's so ashamed of his flashy displays of dingertry.

Looks like Cody Ross will be activated and Brandon Belt sent down today, which is fine. Let the bears pay the bear tax, I say. Here's hoping the Giants keep it up in "The Buckeye State," Colorado.

Buckle Up

The Giants managed to avoid sweeping the Diamondbacks yesterday, thanks to Michael Tejada and others. Thankfully, they looked real good taking two of three in the desert. Aubrey Huff got his first home run of the year out of the way, and Posey and Kung Fu Panda are looking amazing. Sandoval is, at-bat by at-bat, erasing the horrid memory of his performance last season. The defense is looking less clanktastic with every outing, with the exception of the aforementioned Tejada. The hottest hitter on the Giants is -- you guessed it -- Aaron "Frank Stallone" Rowand.

The bad news is that this afternoon, the Giants open a series in Colorado. Historically, whenever the Giants visit Bland Humidor Stadium, the Rockies take turns eating the Giants' lunch and cleaning the Giants' clocks in a brisk, workmanlike fashion. Troy Tulowitzki will hit a minimum six home runs over the next three games. That's carved in stone.

The other bad news is the Giants 6-7-8 hitters. Burrell is hitting .190 with 8 hits, 4 HR and 4 RBI (yep). Brandon Belt has entrenched himself at the Mendoza line, and unless he explodes out of it in the next few days, he's the only player it makes sense to send down when Cody Ross returns. And then there's the six million dollar man, Mike Tejader.

Meanwhile, back at the "the Giants don't have a backup starter if one of their rotation gets injured," Barry Zito injured himself. After throwing two innings of exceedingly Barry Zito pitching, Zito dove ("collapsed" would be a better descriptor) for a bunted pop-up and his foot exploded. The upside is that the Giants bullpen has been playing out-of-their-minds good lately, notably Guillermo Mota, Sergio Romo, and Ramon Ramirez. (Not Jeremy Affeldt.) The Giants bought the contract of prodigal son Ryan Vogelsong, who had been overachieving in Fresno thus far this season. Best-case scenario: Dr. Sam Beckett has leaped into Vogelsong's body and can't leap again until the Giants release Zito and/or win the World Series again. Worst-case scenario: it can't possibly be worse than last year's Wellemeyer experiment.

Tim Lincecum is pitching today. Cause for hope and joy in the most fearful and jaded of men. Please also note that last year in Colorado, he suggested the Rockies were trying to slip him a juiced ball. Will there be a fight? Who knows! Let's play some home run derby!

- Bill