Blue Jays 11, Twins 3: First things first, Jose Bautista will eat your brains.

Gossip, gossip, haters just stop it.

It has been clear for some time now that were one to describe Jose Bautista's season through analogy to a single selection from the Kanye West oeuvre, it would be "Monster," in that everyone knows that he is one. However, this five home run weekend against the Twins -- three of them coming in yesterday's blowout -- specifically situates Bautista in the Nicki Minaj verse, because it, like Jose Bautista right now, is totally the most monstrous. Pink wig; thick ass; give 'em whiplash. This is what is happening. This is what is going on. I cannot believe it.


Bautista's first home run of the day was a legitimately towering blast off Brian Duensing in the third that landed just shy of the upper deck. His liner to the corner off Slowey in the next inning was comparatively modest, but the ridiculous opposite-field shot that came when Slowey pretty sensibly tried to go down and away in the sixth made up for that. The whole thing was beyond bananas. It was . . . one time I was in the sometimes alarmingly awesome Suspect Video on Markham St. and I asked the fairly icy girl behind the counter which particular noise rock band we were all listening to at an uncomfortable volume that day and she said all quietly "unsane" and I was like "sorry what was that?" because the music was way to loud and so to be properly heard above the din she leans forward a little bit and goes "UNSANE." Jose Bautista right now is UNSANE.


Other, less amazing things happened yesterday, too: Brandon Morrow struck out five his first time through the order, but then fizzled a little and ended the day allowing three runs, all of them earned, in five innings of work. The guy throws a ton of pitches, and he just doesn't go that deep into games. Such stuff, though; such stuff. Also, and this is not important and maybe not even interesting, but I could not help but notice that every Blue Jay in the starting lineup got a hit yesterday except for Rivera and E5, who combined to go 0-10. One of those players I continue to hate; the other I blame for nothing. 


Anyway, the Twins are surprisingly awful, and unlike the last time the Blue Jays played a truly awful team (what's up, Seattle?), they actually managed to, you know, win some of the games, which was totally a plus from this fan's perspective. With this five-game winning streak, the Blue Jays are now back to .500 at 20W-20L, three games back of the AL East-leading Rays (boy that just kind of happened, didn't it?). The three games back part of things, that doesn't matter so much; that cannot and will not hold. But I'm really hoping the .500 part of it sticks around. It's really all I ask in this, another non-contending year: just be around .500, preferably a couple of games to the good, and everything is lovely. Because while I know it's all about the future, all about 2012 and 2013, I've still got to watch the games, and there is only so much I can take. Just be .500, with Jose Bautista running away with the AL MVP. Surely that is not too much to ask?  


A couple more things. First, longtime Blue Jays radio man Jerry Howarth gave a great interview on CBC Radio 1's Sunday Edition with Michael Enright yesterday, and you can listen to that here if you are so inclined. Note that Michael Enright looks like this. Secondly, and almost finally, whenever a three home run game happens, I can't help but think about how Carlos Delgado totally hit four, and that I was there when he did. That and related Carlos feelings are, of course, compiled here. He is my favourite player and he had just retired so things get pretty badly out of hand there.


In closing I would ask Neil to ready himself for the smoke that is about to be thrown upon him as the Blue Jays open up in Detroit tonight and Kyle Drabek takes the hill. You should steel yourself, probably.


KS