You don't have any idea how awesome Jose Bautista has been in Spring Training so far, do you?

He hit that shit A TONNE

I am willing to bet that you were all "lol that Bautista contract is nuts what were they thinking" and now you don't even have the decency to follow how awesome he's been in Spring Training so far, which is the last chance for you to know and understand how wrong you were before the regular season begins, at which point your position will become embarrassing and untenable and ultimately a source of shame for you.  Here is Bautista's slash line through nine games and twenty-four at-bats, which every single statistical analyst will tell you is almost too large a sample size to make a meaningful assessment of a player's value: .458/.483/.833.  By my math that is an OPS of 1.316, and while we all agree that OPS is mathematically invalid because you are adding fractions with different denominators and also that it badly overrates the value of slugging versus the even more important ability to get on base, we also agree that you have been totally wrong about Jose Bautista and this is your last chance to get straight, so that's what we'll focus on here. Note also that he has hit two home runs and he's absolutely tearing into the ball and also that he is a doctor and a lawyer and by reputation a really good kisser.

Finally, I have a theory that he might also be Swizz Beatz:

It's Me, Snitches

Easy to claim, tough to prove, I grant you, but here's Jose Bautista -- oh sorry, Swizz Beatz -- with the woman he left for Alicia Keyes:

You'll note that in the above he's wearing a Toronto hat. You slipped up, friendo is what I want to say to Swizz Bautista right now.  You'll also note in the above that there's Swizz's daughter, too, in addition to his ex, so actually none of this is funny at all and I'm an asshole.  

All I'm saying, though, is (i) think about it; and (ii) do something about it.

Content because he has hit yet another home run, or because his beats are so sick?

Protesting too much?

KS