The San Francisco Giants And Their Underwhelming Offseason

The above picture shows Brandon Crawford, the man who is likely (I don't want to use the word "destined" as that implies a level of expectation or import that would be woefully inappropriate to bestow on the poor lad) to become the starting and/or everyday shortstop for the 2012 San Francisco Giants. Although I like Brandon Crawford quite a bit in general and adore his glove in particular, this seemingly-inevitable roster solidification pretty much encapsulates what has been an underwhelming offseason for the Giants.

I don't know how much time I'll be able to devote to writing about the Giants for Baseball Feelings in the coming season, for all six of you who read this blog (seven for the non-staffer who stumbled upon this post while googling "rubber glove fetish." Sorry to trick you), so while I had a few spare minutes, I thought I would put up my baseball feelings regarding the Giants moves that I should have posted a few weeks ago, probably.

The Giants started the offseason by giving a million billion dollars to Jeremy Affeldt and Javier Lopez, who I like just fine (particularly Lopez), but not that just fine. Still, a bullpen is important and this ensures that nearly the entire pitching staff will be returning for this year. I say "nearly" because the Giants then traded Jonathan Sanchez (he of the, shall we say, "frustrating inconsistencies") in order to acquire Melky Cabrera, who had a career year last year with the Royals, but let us be frank, is still Melky Cabrera. The next move was to trade away Andres Torres (one of my favorite players) to the Mets in order to acquire Angel Pagan, who I actually like just fine and shows a lot of promise, but is basically Andres Torres minus the ADD, but plus some pooping issues.

The Giants did not sign Jose Reyes, Jimmy Rollins, or Carlos Beltran, as we feared they would not. In their defense, they also did not sign Orlando Cabrera, instead opting for Brandon Crawford, who is a human with functioning legs and the ability to manipulate his hand in such a way as to close a glove around a baseball. This is a big upgrade. Also welcome is the decision to release Jeff "I'm Running As Fast As I Can, You Guys!" Keppinger and instead retain Mike "No. 3 Hitter" Fontenot -- who is about as endearing a tiny baseball player this side of Jose Altuve -- as a backup infielder. The Giants also picked up Ryan Theriot as a utility infielder, who seems destined to be one of those patented acquisitions in the mold of the Steve Finley-esque "guy who always seems to have clutch hits against the Giants but then becomes a Giant and does largely nothing."

That's the extent of what the Giants picked up. As far as what else they lost, they opted to not extend offers to Beltran or Cody Ross, who will likely someday have a statue at AT&T park where he's high-kneeing while Roy Halladay stares at the left-field fence. (I truly would weep with joy were such a statue ever to be commissioned.)

So the starting rotation will be Lincecum, Cain, Bumgarner, Vogelsong and, for better or worse, Barry Zito. That is fine. That will be fine. The issue is not the pitching. The issue has never been the pitching. The issue is whether this team will score any runs. If statistics mean anything (and all my nerdy friends say that they do), it would be nearly impossible for the Giants to not score more runs than they did last season. So that is something.

Here are the storylines for 2012:

- Injuries. Posey is coming back from -- you know -- the incident and who knows how much he will be affected by all that business. You would think the Giants would split the difference between 2010's All-Healthy squad and 2011's "All-New, All-Injured" horror show, but in the first week of pitchers and catchers reporting, Vogelsong and Lincecum have already experienced back problems and Brian Wilson's elbow is still in question. That's not even mentioning the returning Freddy Sanchez. If Sanchez can't bounce back from both of his arms falling off, the backup options are Theriot, Fontenot and Emmannuel Burriss. We are all holding our breath over here, let me just tell you.

- Positional scuffles. Chris Stewart, Hector Sanchez and Eli Whiteside will be duking it out all spring (and likely, beyond) for rights to spell Posey every five days at catcher. I'm hoping either Stewart wins outright or Sanchez slugs a bazillion dingers and we laugh all the way to the bank (the bank in this case being "not one-run losses to Clayton Kershaw"). But the biggest positional kerfuffle of all involves, of course,

- Brandon Belt. This poor kid can't catch a single break. After his treatment last year, you'd think he'd be ready to be an everyday player this year, but no. The outfield looks like it's pretty set with Cabrera, Pagan and Schierholtz, and Bochy and Sabean are pretty adamant that the starting first baseman job is Aubrey Huff's to lose. Considering that Huff wasn't able to lose said job after batting .013 last year with 1,342 double-plays, that doesn't seem likely. You should also be aware that Bochy seemed to further sour on Belt when Bret Pill came up and hit an RBI. Those things win ball games, you know. So Belt is fighting four guys for one of two positions. Doesn't look good, but maybe the team will score so many runs that I won't notice Belt got optioned to the Fukuoka SoftBank Hawks in May.

- Pablo Sandoval. Fat, thin, or Yokozuna-level super-fat, just please keep hitting, Panda. Please please please.

Giants Take Series Against Padres, Brandon Belt Given Funeral at Sea

The Giants gained a game on the Diamondbacks, then lost it again. Whatever. Brett Pill came up and hit two home runs in his first two games, so Brandon Belt will never play another game again, ever. Bochy continues to start Orlando Cabrera every day, even against right-handers, even when he drops routine pop-ups that lead to back-breaking runs.

I watched the Giants lose to the Padres yesterday live from sunny Petco Park in San Diego, which is a fine stadium with plenty of Giants fans around. I have been to two Giants/Padres games at Petco this year, and both games featured a Giants loss, but a coupon for two free Jack in the Box tacos, so I'm torn as to which side of the ledger these games fall on.

The Sabean/Bochy strategy of which players are valuable and worth starting and worth giving lots of leeway when struggling and why is absolutely baffling and defies all logic. If 2012 is anywhere as big a disaster as 2011 was, I think Giants ownership HAS to try to start fresh by ousting one or both of these guys, World Series goodwill or no. But I'm fearful that the ownership is just as pleased as punch with the status quo, and will continue to be so, indefinitely. The Giants offense has finished dead last or near to it in five of the last six seasons. They had a league-average offense in the other year. They can develop and craft pitching like nobody's business. They have pitching scouts out the wazoo who are out of this world. Dave Righetti must be like some kind of crazy Pitcher Whisperer, the George W-looking freak. But by this point, far removed from the heyday of Bonds, Kent, and Burks, it's plain as day that Brian Sabean has absolutely no idea how to evaluate a hitter's worth, and Bochy understands even less what stats to look at.

Here's the perfect Bruce-Bochy-in-a-nutshell insight into how Bruce Bochy thinks: With both Mike Fontenot and Brandon Crawford (both left-handed batters, both far better defensively than Orlando Cabrera) available to start at SS against RHP Aaron Harang, Bochy went with righty Cabrera, citing Cabrera's lifetime 3-for-5 against Harang. There's small samples sizes, and there is THIS. Five at-bats. Five at-bats that happened in 2003. It's just...I can't...

Madison Bumgarner Leads Rowand- and Tejada-less Giants to Victory

THIS IS YOUR NEW GOD

I've said it before, but Madison Bumgarner is capable of wondrous, glorious things. This is his age-21 season and everything apart from his meaningless W-L record and one historically disastrous inning indicates he's one of the very, very best pitchers in the game and only getting better.

The Giants jettisoned the steaming husks of Aaron Rowand and Michael Tejada on Thursday, and Bumgarner took the hill to end the Giants' losing skid, hold the Cubs to 2 hits and no runs in 8 innings while striking out 11 against an all-right-handed lineup. This was a phenomenal, phenomenal pitching performance. He was assisted by the unstoppable bat of Jeff Keppinger, the furious bunt assault dished out by Giants hitters, and a laughing, joking squad behind him that was playing their asses off and looking like they were having the time of their lives for the first time in a long, long, LONG time.

Perhaps Rowand and Tejada were the grumpiest old gritters that ever gamered up the clubhouse. Maybe after every loss, Tejowand would push Brandon Belt to the ground and wedgie him without remorse while taunting all of the starters. Perhaps atomic situps were involved. We'll never know. But the Giants looked loose and happy on Thursday, and as much fun as Rowand's batting stance was, we'll never have to worry about him coming in to strike out on three pitches in a key pinch-hit situation. That's great. That's so great.

The Diamondbacks arrive tonight, and the Giants have the potential to make up up to three games in the standings in one weekend. Lincecum, Cain, and Vogelsong will be pitching. The rosters have expanded and have brought with them Bret Pill, Pat Burrell, Brandon Crawford, and...miscellaneous. The offense scored four runs in their last game. Brandon Belt met a literal baby giraffe. I expect the Giants to take one of three, but they can do this. They can really, really do this. This is the true trial by fire for the G-men tonight. If they take this series, they can realistically stay in the race. If they get stomped like they did the last time the Diamondbacks were in town, that's pretty much the end.

Here we go.

Brandon Motherfucking Belt: Giants Win, 5-3

This is the power I wield: not one hour after bemoaning the fate of Brandon Belt, the Giants call him up, and started him at first base, due to a "tight back" for Aubrey Huff. What does Belt do? Oh, just gets the Giants on the board with a sweet home run onto the arcade in his first at-bat, and rips a sensational two-out, two-run double down the opposite line (off a lefty) to put the Giants on top for good. Brandon Belt, god damn it.

Madison Bumgarner didn't get Sadison Bumgarnered for once, as the Giants score more than three runs for him at home for the first time this year. Even Brandon Crawford had a hit and two walks. Oh also, the Giants placed Miguel Tejada on the DL and traded some minor league C-level arms for the Astros' Jeff Keppinger, a league-average utility guy/middle infielder, which immediately gives the Giants an upgraded position. Nate Schierholtz had his first bad game in two weeks but still had a couple solid at-bats and a hit, so between him, Belt, and Sandoval, that's three more hitters than the Giants had a month ago. Get a for-real league-average catcher in there, and ALL BETS ARE OFF.

This was a good game. Giants try to avoid the sweep tomorrow on a getaway day against Clayton Kershaw. The snakes got mauled by the Brewers in the desert. Let's do this.

Matt Cain's a Hell of a Drug: Giants Win, 3-1

Matt Cain strikes out five batters while Roger Bernadina attempts to steal second.

Matt Cain tosses a complete-game, 11-strikeout, 1-run affair while allowing one walk and five hits. He doubles in the first run of the game for his first RBI of the year. HE SLIPS THE SURLY BONDS OF EARTH TO TOUCH THE FACE OF GOD

I won't say it's the best game I've ever seen Cain throw, but man alive, was it close. The Giants take the series and ensure they'll remain in first place regardless of what the stupid Diamondbacks do this evening.

The Giants were kind of all over the place in this one. Eli Whiteside had two hits, but both times he attempted to throw out base runners, he winged the ball four feet high of his target. So the Giants still looked like the Giants today, especially with Tejada and Rowand still in there against a righty for some reason. But for the first time this season, they managed to make the Nationals look like the Nationals, and that is pretty great.

It looks like Brandon Crawford is for real. Even if he couldn't hit a lick, he is absolutely murdering it on defense, which is invaluable for the Giants at SS right now. Luckily for everyone, Crawford is now two weeks into his major league career and still sporting an OPS of over .900. RAD.

Slightly off-topic: how perfect is it that Brian Wilson's ninth-inning entrance music is "Jump Around?" Separating Wilson from the endless iterations of "Enter Sandman" and "Iron Man" and "Hell's Bells" and "Smoke on the Water" or whatever, it captures his attitude in a way that most outside observers don't really get. Closer entrance themes are usually centered on "This guy is a stone badass" or "This guy is dangerous and unpredictable" or "Watch out for me, g-d it, I am metal as hell" but Wilson's theme says, "What's up dudes, it is about to be a party." And that is tremendous. Brian Wilson is pretty intense, and pretty metal, but he is probably the closest MLB is ever going to get to having their own personal Andrew WK. It's a save situation, so jump around. Things are about to get fun.

Slugger Tejada is Benched, Giants Manage 3-1 Win

AWOOOOOOOOO

Not a lot to say on this one. Matt Cain looked pretty un-Cain-like in the early innings, then settled down late, getting outs when he needed them. Huff got an 0-fer but got BABiP'd on a couple of well-struck balls. Manny Burriss, replacing Michael Tejada in the number 2 slot, was 3-for-4. If he hadn't gotten picked off first following a leadoff hit in the fourth inning, the score would have been 4-1. Brandon Crawford got his first AT&T Park hit and RBI with his family in attendance, which is neat. Dude's a lifetime Giants fan. Feel-good story of the week, easily.

Giants still look good enough to keep plugging along. Rockies still look pretty lousy overall. Brian Wilson still can't get a three-batter save under any circumstances. The big Giants news of the past couple days is Giants GM Brian Sabean going on the radar and calling for a hit on Scott Cousins and his family, and the Joe Torre calling the Giants and being like, "ARE YOU INSANE" and then the Giants releasing a statement that is all "lol taken out of context" so it was a shameful couple of days for this front office to say the least.

Jason Giambi pinch-hit in the top of the ninth and was summarily booed vociferously. This pleases me a great deal. Being a fan of the team where Barry Bonds is the ultimate hometown hero and the repentant beloved white steroids abuser is enemy number one is pleasing on many levels.

Giants attempt to win the series tomorrow, and depending on where you live the FOX SPORTS RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR may determine it's your local game of the week. MLB.tv will black out all four potential games because the hell with you, buddy. You should own a television, pay for cable, and live in whatever location you need to live to watch the game you want. Anything less would be uncivilized.

Giants Win 7-5 in Improbable Fashion in 11 Innings

So graceful, so lithe.

Bat Tejada second, bat Huff fourth. Sure. Do whatever. Leave Lincecum in too long. Whatever. The Giants took their worst-looking lineup of the year into the belly of the shingles-riddled LaRussa beast and overcame two separate, insurmountable leads.

Eli Whiteside can't hang on to a pair of swinging third strikes or throw out a runner on a steal attempt. People were getting on base like gangbusters tonight, but there was Tejada, grounding to second base three times in a row. There was Huff, grounding to first three times in a row. Huff hit a tater that put the Giants on top for about ten seconds -- he'll probably be moved to the three-hole tomorrow -- but then Lincecum served up a two-run dinger and that looked like the ballgame.

And then, seemingly for the first time this season, Bochy used his bullpen correctly. Even more shocking, Nate Schierholtz knocked in the tying run in the top of the ninth. The bullpen held fast and shut down the heart of the St. Louis lineup. Nate Schierholtz knocked in the go-ahead run and then Brandon "Stamos" Crawford brought him home with a key insurance run in the eleventh. LaRussa tried his ultimate gambit -- turning off the lights of the stadium with a man on and two out in the bottom of the eleventh inning -- but Wilson calmly walked to the dugout and waited about fifteen minutes while the lights came back on, then threw one pitch to induce grounder and end the game.

This sure looked like nothing doing after the Cardinals took a 5-4 lead. Burrell had popped out in his pinch-hit appearance. Manny Burriss had taken over for Huff and was batting cleanup. I tried to think of who in the lineup could possibly crank one out, and all I could come up with was "Cody Ross." It never occurred to me that this craptackle band of no-bats would string together a bunch of clutch hits.

Huff was 1-for-4 tonight. Freddy Sanchez and Nate Schierholtz had three hits. Cody Ross had four. The number two hitter, Michael Tejada, was 0-for-6. If Brandon Crawford keeps being awesome, there's no way he doesn't take TJ's job once the Kung Fu Panda returns. Then again...Bruce Bochy.

The Giants attempt to win the series and finish the road trip on a happy note tomorrow. Pray for justice.

Life is Meaningless: Giants Lose, 4-3

For the first half of the game, it was the best the Giants had played in weeks. They kept moving the line. They took advantage of Cardinals mistakes. They got a hit with a runner in scoring position! Their young guys, Brandon Belt and Brandon Crawford, got starts. Aubrey Huff sat this one out. The Brandons got hits and took walks. The Giants hitters went deep into counts and made Chris Carpenter throw a ton of pitches. They made an opposing starter toss 100 pitches through five innings.

Then, it became the worst Giants game since Scott Cousins took Buster Posey into a back alley and pumped rounds into his kneecaps. The Giants wasted leadoff doubles. They brought Huff into a pinch-hit situation. They brought Rowand into a pinch-hit situation. Eli Whiteside struck out a bunch of times and said a bunch of cusses. The Giants bullpen imploded, giving up three runs in the bottom of the eighth. Brandon Belt is probably injured.

Does Bochy learn that Michael Tejada should not bat second in the lineup? Does he learn after this that "LOOGY Javier Lopez" means "Left-handed one-out guy Javier Lopez" and not "This guy can probably get three outs from St. Louis's right-handed Murderer's Row Javier Lopez?" No, I would bet any sum that he does not. I'm guessing tomorrow night we get Tejada back in the two-hole, Huff back in the three-hole, Belt on the DL, Burrell playing shortstop, and Time Lincecum throwing a one-hitter that the Giants lose, 6-0.

That's my prediction, anyway.

Giants Use Up All Their Runs for the Week, Beat Cardinals 7-3

KABLAMMO

So the Giants actually scored some runs against Genius Tony LaRussa and his Genius Band of St. LaRussas. Andres Torres mashed a grand slam and nearly lapped all the baserunners watching it go over the fence. Cody Ross clobbered a monster home run. Brandon Crawford got a key RBI. Madison Bumgarner was amazing, allowing only two runs, and those only came as the direct result of a horrifically blown call by an ump.

Even Tejada had a couple of singles, which of course came courtesy of the only way Michael Tejada can get a hit these days: a ground ball that manages to barely miss several gloves in succession. I would be worried about the fact that Tejada always seems to just get a couple singles right when his hitless streaks are about to become inexcusable, but beat writer extraordinaire Andrew Baggarly seems to get the impression dude's on the verge of either losing his starting job or getting straight DFA'd as soon as Pablo Sandoval can reasonably swing a bat again, which is a matter of weeks now. With recent call-ups Crawford and Burriss and the stalwart Mike Fontenot all contributing more to the team than Mikey T, it's hard not to agree. Even if you're Bruce "Gritty Veteran Fetish" Bochy.

Speaking of gritty veterans, Aaron Rowand took a pickoff throw directly to the dick yesterday, so he's questionable at the moment for today, but will be starting if his dick feels strong. Why will he be starting? His small sample size past success against today's Cardinals pitcher, of course. Bay City Ball today had a succinct post comparing the projected stats for Rowand against those of Belt. The results may not surprise anyone!

Good to see that the Giants just allowed the Marlins to sweep them in order to lull the Marlins into a false sense of confidence, allowing them to be repeatedly, utterly thrashed by the Dodgers and Diamondbacks. I'm just glad nothing bad happened during that Marlins series!

Anyway, these are the May 2011 Giants. Some days they can't score a single run against a mediocre pitching staff. Some days they hit grand slams. You know what doesn't happen on any days? Aubry Huff contributing. He was 0-for-4 yesterday with a walk, which I guess is good. He drew 83 walks and scored 100 runs in 2010. Baggs points out that in 2011, Huff's on pace for 49 walks and 43 runs. If you remixed all of Huff's at-bats this season into a YouTube video, it would sound like this:

popup popup popup
grounder, double-play
whiff whiff whiff whiff AARGH
popup double-play, weakly hit topper
whiff whiff swinging bunt
*REGGAETON HORN*

Brandon Crawford. Eli Whiteside. Giants Win, 5-4

Image courtesy of the incomparable Natto.

Brandon Crawford, promoted from high-A, hit a grand slam in his first major league game. Eli Whiteside countered Prince Fielder's forearm shiver with a Falcon Punch. The Giants win a vitally important game, and that is awesome.