Brandon Belt Can't Do It By Himself: Giants Win 6-4 in 11

Bochy showed remarkable restraint not striking Runzler dead right there.

For once, the Giants almost lost a game due more to terrible starting pitching and worse luck than a completely anemic offense. After taking a 3-0 lead in the second inning behind a Brandon Belt home run, pinch-starter Dan "Herp de Derp What's a Strike Zone" Runzler gave up four runs in the third inning, then got yanked. It was real bad. The only thing worse was the Giants' luck. Baserunning gaffes, screaming line drives belted directly into Astros gloves, errant pickoff throws that bounce directly back to the second baseman, a wandering strike zone, Giants leadoff hitter reaching base in seven straight innings with no runs scored, and on and on.

It was only a monstrous home run by a Pablo Sandoval (who, until that point, had been 0-for-5 on that day) that allowed the Giants and their poor shellshocked bullpen a way-too-hard-fought win and, for the first time in seemingly forever, brought them within a game and a half of the Diamondbacks. It shouldn't have been like this. They shouldn't have been avoiding an Astros sweep today. An eleventh-inning win over the Houston Astros should not feel like a victory over the 1927 Mecha-Yankees. But such is the state of the team at this point. The Giants take the day off tomorrow to watch the D-Backs rough up the Marlins, then return home for six games against the Padres and Astros. If they take two of those six games, I'll weep fat tears of unimaginable joy.

Belt had four hits today, so it's a good thing he was sent down to Fresno all those times. Really took him to another level.

Tim Lincecum. Giants Win, 3-0

"You have wounded me, sir. You have cut me to the quick."

Tim Lincecum. Maybe the Giants will only win every fifth day from now on, but that's cool because Tim Motherfu*king Lincecum. Note to Giants pitching staff: if you really want to win ballgames, throw a three-hit shutout. Idiots. Tim Lincecum has given up one ER in his last three starts. Tim Lincecum.

The most tantalizing news stories of the day all happened outside of Joe Robbie Or Whatever It Is Stadium. Andres Torres, not Carlos "I Ain't Played in a Week" Beltran was placed on the DL, thus allowing the Giants to turn on the Bench Signal and shove Brandon Belt onto a 6AM cross-country flight. Bochy was quoted as basically saying "I'll give him five or six at-bats, and so help me, if he doesn't hit at least four home runs he's never playing again." Belt starts today against a decimated Marlins team, so pray for vengeance.

Did I say "decimated Marlins team"? I did! Immediately after the loss yesterday, the Marlins released Wes "Sugar Shane" Helms and optioned Logan "I Haz Twitter" Morrison to AAA. Morrison is one of the few baseball players who says exactly what he's thinking to reporters, so everyone hates him. He's second on the team in HR and third in RBI so why not ship him off to Louisiana? That'll teach him! /loses 40 of next 50 games

So the Marlins have a far weaker team for the series finale today, but Mike Stanton remains. That dude wins ballgames all by himself. My prediction: Stanton hits five walk-off homers in this one, Giants lose the series. Diamondbacks sweep a triple-header, Giants finish today 4.5 games out of first place.

The final tidbit of news is Barry Zito. Last week, Zito was asked to fake that he had re-injured his foot so they could hide him on the DL while they tried to figure out which disastrous fifth starter they were going to stick with for the rest of the year. In Zito's second "rehab start" last night in Fresno, he wrenched his leg or his knee or his likely-fake-but-now-really-injured foot and had to be helped off the field. If you believe in karma, this is what it looks like. I feel bad for Barry Zito, who with any other contract would be the lovable-goofball underperforming fifth starter, but instead is history's second-greatest monster, behind only the reprehensible Jimmy Carter.

Zito's injury reportedly came when he stumbled attempting to cover first base on a grounder, so the only thing that would make this justice more poetic would be if he slipped in a puddle of Brandon Belt's tears.

Fools Flail in Florida, Flounder Facing Fish: Giants Lose 2-1

Unable to hit base hits, Aubrey Huff resorts to droppin' 'bows.

Bases loaded? The Giants will get you out of that jam. Men on second and third, one out, infield back, tying run on third? Never fear, pals, the Giants are at the plate!

Matt Cain had one bad inning, and Giants pitching allowed two earned runs. Two! No climbing out of that chasm, no sir. This is a team that has angered the gods. Odin has stomped on them with his hobnailed boot, and Zeus has given them a big old blanket party.

So terrible. So unwatchable. See you all at 7:05 EST.

Giants Use Up All Their Runs for the Week, Beat Cardinals 7-3

KABLAMMO

So the Giants actually scored some runs against Genius Tony LaRussa and his Genius Band of St. LaRussas. Andres Torres mashed a grand slam and nearly lapped all the baserunners watching it go over the fence. Cody Ross clobbered a monster home run. Brandon Crawford got a key RBI. Madison Bumgarner was amazing, allowing only two runs, and those only came as the direct result of a horrifically blown call by an ump.

Even Tejada had a couple of singles, which of course came courtesy of the only way Michael Tejada can get a hit these days: a ground ball that manages to barely miss several gloves in succession. I would be worried about the fact that Tejada always seems to just get a couple singles right when his hitless streaks are about to become inexcusable, but beat writer extraordinaire Andrew Baggarly seems to get the impression dude's on the verge of either losing his starting job or getting straight DFA'd as soon as Pablo Sandoval can reasonably swing a bat again, which is a matter of weeks now. With recent call-ups Crawford and Burriss and the stalwart Mike Fontenot all contributing more to the team than Mikey T, it's hard not to agree. Even if you're Bruce "Gritty Veteran Fetish" Bochy.

Speaking of gritty veterans, Aaron Rowand took a pickoff throw directly to the dick yesterday, so he's questionable at the moment for today, but will be starting if his dick feels strong. Why will he be starting? His small sample size past success against today's Cardinals pitcher, of course. Bay City Ball today had a succinct post comparing the projected stats for Rowand against those of Belt. The results may not surprise anyone!

Good to see that the Giants just allowed the Marlins to sweep them in order to lull the Marlins into a false sense of confidence, allowing them to be repeatedly, utterly thrashed by the Dodgers and Diamondbacks. I'm just glad nothing bad happened during that Marlins series!

Anyway, these are the May 2011 Giants. Some days they can't score a single run against a mediocre pitching staff. Some days they hit grand slams. You know what doesn't happen on any days? Aubry Huff contributing. He was 0-for-4 yesterday with a walk, which I guess is good. He drew 83 walks and scored 100 runs in 2010. Baggs points out that in 2011, Huff's on pace for 49 walks and 43 runs. If you remixed all of Huff's at-bats this season into a YouTube video, it would sound like this:

popup popup popup
grounder, double-play
whiff whiff whiff whiff AARGH
popup double-play, weakly hit topper
whiff whiff swinging bunt
*REGGAETON HORN*

Giants Suffer Worst Loss of Season, Lose in 12 Innings, 7-6

Okay, so I wrote the below post during the bottom of the ninth, but amazingly Aubrey Huff got his only hit of the game to tie the it at 6 and send the game to extra innings. Most of what I wrote below still stands. This could have been an amazing comeback game, but the Giants not only lost the game and Mike Fontenot, they also lost Buster Posey when he tweaked his ankle badly on a home-plate collision as the Marlins scored the winning run.

This is terrible. This is...just terrible. Original post below, for posterity.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is exactly correct.

There was really no chance for the Giants to win once the Marlins plated two in the top of the first inning. Compounding matters was Aubrey Huff going 0-for-5 with three strikeouts in the number three spot, looking like his numbers suggest: that he's possibly the worst position player in baseball right now. His OPS is currently sixty points lower than it was in his disastrous 2009 season. He killed literally every rally single-handedly, and ended the game for the Giants, with runners on second and third in the bottom of the ninth.

Further compounding matters was the insane decisions Bruce Bochy made. Down by one run, he chose to pinch-hit AARON ROWAND against a left-hander to lead off the seventh inning, rather than Pat "Only Decent Hitter on the Giants Right Now" Burrell. Later, after Sergio Romo STRUCK OUT THE SIDE ON TEN PITCHES in the top of the eighth, Bochy chose to go with LOOGY Javier Lopez to face -- and walk three and serve up a bases-clearing double to -- five right-handed batters.

Further FURTHER compounding matters is the fact that the Giants' other number three hitter and beloved hobbit Mike Fontenot went down with a groin strain. Pinch-runner Darren Ford is also going on the DL and the Giants are recalling...Travis Ishikawa. Sabean and Bochy are adamant that they're not calling Belt up now, because -- get this -- Aubrey Huff is their first baseman and they don't need a backup.

Gotta keep reminding myself it's a damn long season and the Giants are in first place right now. But this team, man....mercy me, this team.

Giants Basically Quit Trying, Lose 5-1

This game had everything you'd expect from Bad 2011 Giants: baserunning gaffes, first-pitch outs, Aubrey Huff killing four rallies, leadoff doubles getting stranded, starting pitchers getting flustered, terrible umpiring calls, Michael Tejada celebrating doing something useless, Aaron Rowand coming in to pinch-hit and taking two strikes before swinging and missing at a slider low and away, Pat Burrell getting a key pinch-hit walk while starter Nate Schierholtz goes 0-for-4, opposing pitchers getting multiple single-digit pitch count innings, and Mike Krukow saying "That's a rough at-bat" after yet another Giants batter has a three-pitch strikeout.

The only surprising thing about this game was that the Giants got Ricky Nolasco over 100 pitches. The final score of this game really should have been 2-1. Matt Cain was the victim of literally the worst strike-calling I've ever seen in the fourth inning, no less than three times on two different batters getting an inning-ending strike three called a ball, leading to two consecutive walks, which let the Marlins extend the inning for a three-run double. It was a fiasco behind the plate all night. A pitch would be a strike, and literally the next pitch in the exact same location would be called a ball, or vice versa. The bad news is that Joe West is also on this umpiring crew.

Aubrey Huff should not be playing games right now, let alone batting third in the lineup. His WAR is the second-worst in the NL according to baseball-reference.com and he can't hit a lick. He's truly turning in a sub-Tejada performance, and it's not even close. The Giants need to call up Brandon Belt soon. A year ago I wouldn't imagine they'd dream of benching Huff, but they've done it with Rowand and cut Molina loose to make room for Posey, so it's a possibility. Two pieces of good news for today: Pablo Sandoval will probably be back ahead of schedule, and the Rockies lost their best pitcher. I'm not celebrating De La Rosa getting hurt by any means, but if the already-flustered Rockies get even more hopeless, I'm all for it.

Tonight was a demoralizing, frustrating loss. (Is there any other kind?) My prediction is a Marlins sweep, but I'll be happy to be proved wrong. It's early in the season, but this offense needs to make SOMETHING happen or we're all doomed.