Vogelsong and Bumgarner Get 13th Wins Against Colorado

Take a breather, Conor.

The Giants have taken the first two of their last series of the year. A 3-1 typical Giants victory behind Ryan Vogelsong, who finishes the season in the top 5 of NL ERA leaders, and if he doesn't win NL Comeback Player of the Year then why even have the award, man? Then Madison Bumgarner held the Rockies scoreless, becoming just the fifth Giants player ever to finish the season with a K/BB ratio of more than 4.00 which is just insane. This was his year 21 season and he is already an ace on most MLB teams. INSANE. This dude is going to be something else for years and years.

Conor Gillaspie hit his first home run last night, an inside-the-parker. Please enjoy a .gif, courtesy of Find the Swagger.

The Giants try to avoid the sweep today by not starting Matt Cain, as scheduled, opting instead to go with Eric Surkamp on three days' "rest." (Quotation marks because he didn't make it out of the first inning in his last start so look for today's game to end up being something like 25-1 Rockies.)

Pat Burrell will start today for the Giants, possibly his last start ever. If Cody Ross doesn't pinch-hit today, which he's unlikely to do, it may be his last time in a Giants uniform. Eli Whiteside can please let the door hit him on the ass on the way out. Andres Torres may be non-tendered a contract in the offseason. Brett Pill will probably be next year's backup 1B. Brandon Belt went 3-for-3 last night with a walk and his first splash hit, which was a legit bomb. He'll probably be next year's everyday left fielder, because Aubrey Huff. Carlos Beltran is probably only signing with the Giants if they sign Jimmy Rollins, Prince Fielder, AND Albert Pujols and trade for Jose Bautista, so look for him to light his jersey on fire in the dugout mere seconds after the last out is made today.

It has been the craziest season, man. I will watch today's game with sadness and hope and love, and await PLAYOFF BASEBALL and of course, wait 'til next year.

Matt Kemp Beats Giants, 8-2

wheeeeee

Matt Kemp is really amazing. He's within spitting distance of the NL triple crown. Four points behind Braun for average, one home run behind Pujols, and leading the league in RBI. Not sure how anyone could possibly be considered for this league's MVP. He had three doubles and a home run tonight, and since the Giants offense consisted of solo home runs from Beltran and Sandoval, his one home run in late innings would have been more than enough for an easy victory. The Giants are really rotten, man. They stink on ice.

Let's hope the Diamondbacks make it quick and painless tomorrow night and really put a stomping on everyone to put the Giants out of their misery.

Giants Sweep Padres, Announce 2012 Will Be Horrible

This is how hard I don't care. (Courtesy of SabeanMetrics Suparblog)

The Giants had an exciting couple of games. Matt Cain pitched amazingly on Tuesday, the bullpen blew a lead, and the Giants won on a walk-off twelfth inning hit by Mark DeRosa while Carlos Beltran plugged his ears in the dugout and sang "My Country 'Tis of Thee" at the top of his lungs. Tim Lincecum pitched amazingly on Wednesday while Carlos Beltran hit is 299th and 300th career home runs, the latter of which was a splash hit. I had a lot to say about these games and how I'm torn between really wanting Beltran to come back in 2012 but he clearly loathes every second in San Francisco.

But after today's win, the Giants announced they were cutting ties with their CEO Bill Neukom, AKA "That guy who oversaw the only World Series title ever for San Francisco." This was shocking, but was topped by the reason given for his dismissal: The owners were not happy with the way he ran the club, pointing out that he increased payroll this year and spent money too freely, when the ownership was hoping they would be building a "rainy day fund for leaner years." This is horrifying, and it basically telegraphs something the Giants fanbase never suspected. The ownership isn't concerned with continued excellence and competition and playoffs. They're concerned with grabbing as much cash as they can before the glow of the championship season wears off. It's not surprising at all when you realize the only reason that people buy and own professional sports teams is to make off with boatloads upon boatloads of cash. But it comes as a real blindside to San Francisco fans, who never suspected for one second that the ownership would turn into Peter Loria West.

Neukom didn't oversee the Zito or Rowand contracts. He was at the helm when that trophy came home to San Francisco. He did everything he reasonably could to keep the team competitive and attempt a repeat this year, and even with a team decimated by injury all season long, they've pretty much ensured every home game was a sellout for the entire season. I don't know what else he could have done. And the Giants brass wants a smaller payroll and a "rainy day fund." It's infuriating and in one fell stroke we can all see the writing on the wall. Next year will not be good. Not at all. Here are the people who are already on the 2012 payroll:

If they're wanting to cut payroll across the board for a rainy day, it doesn't look like long-term contracts for Cain and Lincecum will be a thing to look forward to. It doesn't look like the roster will be shored up in a thin free agent market during the offseason. It doesn't look like the people who own the Giants have any interest in a Giants team that competes and plays to win. It's hard to wrap my head around right now.

Giants Win 8-3 a Month Too Late

Mike Fontenot makes this picture. He's standing on the top step, I believe.

The Giants jumped out to a 3-0 lead behind Eric Surkamp on homers by Cody Ross and Carlos Beltran. They added a run but then the Padres cut the lead to one run, making it 4-3 against the Giants squishy young middle relief. Then the Giants -- for the first time all season -- went "Oh whoops, let's get some more runs" so Pablo Sandoval went out and drilled a three-run opposite-field homer. They just added more runs, like it was no big deal. Like they were the Red Sox or something. Back-to-back 8-run games. You know when it would have been nice to have back-to-back 8-run games? AT LITERALLY ANY OTHER POINT IN THE SEASON. This is the type of game they should have been having against the Astros, or the Cubs, or the Astros again, or hey, against Arizona. That would have been cool, too. But now the Giants are just playing out the string, so of course now is when they suddenly decide they can hit the baseball with their wooden batons. Whatever.

I would really like Carlos Beltran to return next year, but all reports indicate he's doing everything short of sitting in front of his locker, openly muttering "I've made a huge mistake" over and over.

Lack of Offense Drops Giants to 7 Games Back

At the beginning of the season, I wouldn't have believed I'd feel this bad for Bruce Bochy. I feel bad for all of these guys, because I love them all to death (well, maybe not Orlando Cabrera). They're lovable guys, every one of them. The Franchise has showed me that Bochy is a restrained goofball hayseed, and that's important to know. But they can't make it happen, try as they might.

I really, really hope the rebuilding process goes well in the offseason, because just having Posey and Sanchez back and healthy isn't going to fix this awful, awful offense. I'm hoping the Giants make plays for Jose Reyes or Jimmy Rollins, and are able to convince Carlos Beltran to come back. I hope Brandon Belt is able to start every day for a full season and that Huff is able to bounce back. I'm fearful that, instead, the Giants let Beltran go, re-sign Cabrera and Ross, sign Raul Ibanez, and convince themselves that Bret Pill is the answer rather than Belt. He's not, but this is an organization that still believes in RBI as a reliable barometer of offensive worth. That's terrifying.

Will they find their way? It's going to be extremely interesting.

Giants Fall to Diamondbacks, 7-2

/counts money

I'd made my peace with this season a few games ago, and last night's game will still keep me happy and warm for a good long while. So regardless of what happens from here on out, it's real unlikely that the Giants will make the postseason (practically a certainty now with the D-Backs sporting a magic number of 18). I'm fine with that. There's a great sparkly trophy and fancy jersey patches that indicate something fabulous happened not too long ago, and 2012 can only get better. I think that's awesome.

Tim Lincecum didn't have a great game, and the Snakes managed to get lucky on BABIP and take advantage of mistakes while the Giants didn't get lucky breaks but still managed to get two runs against Arizona's ace. That's something. Beltran had another perfect game, going 3-for-3 with a walk, although he did manage to kill a rally by attempting to go from first to second on a medium-deep sac fly.

This was one hell of a season. Seriously. The Giants had a historically injured team, a historically awful offense, and still managed to stay in first place for much of the season, lead the league in walk-off wins, and remain competitive right to the bitter end. It was a ton of fun. A TON of fun. It was also brutally awful at times, but I think things are looking up. It's the calm one must feel before one drowns. So peaceful.

Giants Win Feel-Good Game of the Year, 6-2

KABOOM CARLOS BELTRAN MOTHERF***ER

If Thursday's game was a turn-the-page palate cleanser, tonight was something else entirely. Matt Cain, throwing far, FAR less than his best stuff, held the Diamondbacks to two runs through eight innings. Carlos Beltran had his first true Carlos Beltran game as a Giant, going four-for-four with a triple and a monster home run. Jeff Keppinger's Unstoppable Bat missed a home run by a foot and a half. Cody Ross followed a Matt Cain walk with a signature Cody Ross left-field-bleachers bomb late in the game, and followed that up in the top of the eighth with a spectacular diving, sliding catch.

This was a Giants big-game game like we saw constantly last September and many times earlier this year. Pat Burrell took two walks and a million pitches. The Giants were able to limit damage in tricky situations -- like a bases-loaded moment in the top of the first. The Giants pitching was the Giants pitching, and for a change the Giants offense looked like a real major league team. The Diamondbacks had a nine-game winning streak snapped and looked nothing like the juggernaut we all feared they had become in August. Tomorrow all of this could crumble and the Giants could become the Giants once again, but tonight was incandescent. Tonight was glorious. For three brilliant hours, this was the 2011 Giants living up to every lofty expectation they promised in spring training, only minus Posey, Sanchez, and Wilson and up a Keppinger and a Beltran.

If the Giants don't play another competitive game this year...hell, if the Giants don't win another game this year, this is the game I will hold on to. This was all smiles and warm-and-fuzzies and fist-pumping victory in every sense of the word. This one will keep me warm in the winter, regardless of what happens from here on out. For one electrifying night, in front of a rabid AT&T Park crowd, this was hope and celebration and realized potential. The Diamondbacks can easily take the next two, and heck, they probably will, but this was all I could have ever asked for.

Thanks, guys.

Giants Go Ahead and Pack it in for the Season

Shed a tear for this beautiful man.

About 30 minutes before game time last night, I suddenly realized, "Oh yeah, I need to do a write-up about Monday's game." Then it dawned on me that I'd have to write about Tim Lincecum having perhaps the worst start of his career while the Giants were two-hit by a less-than-replacement pitcher with an ERA of over 6.00. So I went back to whatever I was doing instead (nothing).

Last night, the Giants unloaded the big guns for two entire runs. Sadly, the Cubs scored five. The Giants actually had ten hits, but on three (THREE!) separate occasions, Carlos Beltran stranded them to end the inning. Carlos Beltran doesn't want to be on this team, and that kind of hurts, but you can't really blame him. He thought he was going to the playoffs. Shame about that.

The Diamondbacks are six games in first place, and have a three game series with the Giants this weekend. It's not quite the end of the road for the Giants just yet, but it likely will be come Monday. Sometime between Saturday night and the beginning of the game yesterday, I resigned myself to acknowledging that the Giants aren't going to make the playoffs, and that it's been one hell of a season, and that I still love these guys and stranger things have happened, and that 2012 can only get better by default. It helped last night's game go down a lot smoother. I'll still be watching, cheering, recapping, tweeting, and grumbling about things, but the sense of "WE CAN DO THIS" is winding down. They can't do this, actually. Not these guys. The Diamondbacks are unstoppable, or at least they're unstoppable until the first round of playoffs, when they get unscrupulously manhandled by the Braves, Brewers, or Phillies.

Next year, fellas. Next year.

TIM LINCECUM, Giants Win 2-1

Good eye, ump. (h/t @8thInnWeirdness)

Tim Lincecum is an unstoppable beast. If he was on the Phillies or the Yankees or the Brewers or the Astros, or any other team with an unstoppable offense, he'd be 32-1. He does everything amazingly, even with a...let's say..."questionable" strike zone, as seen above. He'll give you 8 innings and less than two earned runs, all you have to do is give him two to three runs. Sometimes, he'll even bust out his own RBI single that ends up making the difference in the game. Tonight was pretty special.

Carlos Beltran had two hits, including his first home run as a Giant. That was pretty cool. And even though Brandon Belt made a huge baserunning error that culminated in an inning-ending double play, he had three hits, including a triple, and a stolen base. Good thing he was batting seventh! Note to Bruce Bochy: don't bat your hottest, best, and most patient hitter seventh. It's sort of an "unwritten rule."

A series split with the Padres to stay two games back. I'll take it. The Astros come to town tomorrow for a four-game series, and hopefully they won't walk all over the Giants QUITE so much this time around.

Giants Don't Get No-Hit, Lose 7-5

Ump: "Hey, maybe you should learn to win, asshole."

The Giants have a terrible call go against them, Matt Cain gives up his first home run in 80+ innings, and after that, it's academic.

For the first five innings or so, it looked like the Giants were going to get no-hit at home against the noxious Mat Latos, so it's a great thing that didn't happen. The whole first half of this game was one of the Giants' patented "find new ways to lose/squander every available opportunity" games. Aaron Rowand grounding out to kill a bases-loaded situation where Latos had just walked three Giants in a row. Three massive, ridiculous Giants errors. Aaron Rowand hitting an infield popup with a runner on third and one out, which would have brought the Giants within one run. The Giants wasting leadoff runner chances. Going 0-for-10 with runners in scoring position. Aaron Rowand swinging at pitches that bounce in the other batter's box. Hmmm...I'm seeing a common theme here.

Oh yeah: Aaron Rowand started against a right-hander because Nate Schierholtz is injured. Yep. Also, Carlos Beltran was activated today, but didn't start, because he can probably only bat left-handed and refuses to bat righty-on-righty. Beltran did show up for a pinch-hit appearance with a couple of runners on, and promptly popped up to the infield.

Late in the game, the Giants scratched and clawed to tie it up, which is the most that they've looked like the first-half Giants since...well...the first half. Ramon Ramirez promptly coughed up a double, a nearly-disastrous sac bunt, a single, a wild pitch, and another single to lose the lead and the game in the top of the ninth. But the Giants were out of this game in the top of the first inning when they fell behind 1-0 and everyone in the park knew it but them. It's heartening to see that they didn't just roll over. Maybe if they hadn't had those three errors! Maybe if that blown call hadn't gone in favor of the Padres! Maybe if Miguel Tejada's pinch-hit liner in the eighth hadn't been right at the third baseman's glove! Maybe if Aaron Rowand wasn't completely worthless! Sometimes it's just bad luck I guess. It's really hard to tell when the Giants are a hard-luck team, or just a bad team. Pretty much indistinguishable at this point. The rallying cry from the Giants community is "They're bad, but they're not THIS bad." That's...that's not a good rallying cry.

The Giants fell to two games back today, because the Diamondbacks were able to snap their losing skid against an inferior team. Say, that sounds like something that the Giants should try! Whoops!

Corpse of Giants Roster Shows Signs of Unnatural Life

Bruce Bochy will never be able to feel another emotion.

The Giants lost 2-1 in 11 innings. Great, who cares, whatever. Jonathan Sanchez was starting a game the day after a soul-crushing loss and Beltran and Romo were headed to the DL. A loss was academic tonight.

The real meat of today's story is that the lineup was released and everyone was like LOLWUT because Sandoval was at 1B and Huff was in LF and Belt was in RF and an adorable kitten was Pitcher's Helper. (FanGraphs indicates the adorable kitten is leading the majors in mewling, but Shane Victorino is close behind.) The stories started tumbling hard and fast out of Atlanta: Keppinger out, getting an MRI on his wrist; Schierholtz out, possible broken foot; Rowand out, strained intercostal. The Giants must have gotten off a plane that later crashed during last year's playoffs, because 2011 has been a string of calamities bordering on the Lovecraftian.

In the third inning, Jonathan Sanchez sprained his ankle fielding a bunt, because OF COURSE HE DID. Everyone in the ballpark started watching for bolts of lightning or dangling safes or frayed electrical cords left perilously close to puddles of water. The Giants were no-hit through six innings by a guy major his second MLB start. No one expected anything different.

But something strange happened. The Giants showed immense gumption, much more than anyone could have expected. After Sanchez gave up a run, the Giants pitching staff and defense shut the Braves down inning after inning after inning. Cody Ross blasted a huge home run to prevent the no-hitter and the shutout. The Giants made the Braves' bullpen work. They got as many hits as the Braves, but couldn't quite manage the big one. Both Brandon Belt and Aubrey Huff made game-saving plays in the outfield. It was fun. It was more competitive and exciting than it had any right to be, and Brooks Conrad got to be the hero with a ground-rule double and the winning run in a bit of poetic justice.

If I'm the Giants, I have to believe they're pleased with themselves even in a loss. They won't just roll over and die, even when their roster is reduced to Aubrey Huff and a whimsical tea cozy. However, having said that, the Phillies let Lyle "DFA'd From the Pirates" Overbay drive in all three Diamondbacks runs against Roy Halladay and lost at home, putting the Giants 3.5 games out. But fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day. I'm certain that tomorrow will bring more injuries, and I'm equally as certain that Aubrey Huff will be the only member of the Giants roster to not sniff the DL this season. Sabean will have deals in place for Posada, Damon, and Alfonso Soriano by the weekend.

It's really amazing that the Giants have done as much as they have after all that has happened to them this season. If they somehow, somehow manage to make it to the playoffs...that's nothing short of miraculous. It's important to remember that the G-Men should probably have a W-L record more closely resembling the Mariners or Astros than being within spitting distance of first place. This was the best possible loss today. That's something, at least.

Tim Lincecum. Giants Win, 3-0

"You have wounded me, sir. You have cut me to the quick."

Tim Lincecum. Maybe the Giants will only win every fifth day from now on, but that's cool because Tim Motherfu*king Lincecum. Note to Giants pitching staff: if you really want to win ballgames, throw a three-hit shutout. Idiots. Tim Lincecum has given up one ER in his last three starts. Tim Lincecum.

The most tantalizing news stories of the day all happened outside of Joe Robbie Or Whatever It Is Stadium. Andres Torres, not Carlos "I Ain't Played in a Week" Beltran was placed on the DL, thus allowing the Giants to turn on the Bench Signal and shove Brandon Belt onto a 6AM cross-country flight. Bochy was quoted as basically saying "I'll give him five or six at-bats, and so help me, if he doesn't hit at least four home runs he's never playing again." Belt starts today against a decimated Marlins team, so pray for vengeance.

Did I say "decimated Marlins team"? I did! Immediately after the loss yesterday, the Marlins released Wes "Sugar Shane" Helms and optioned Logan "I Haz Twitter" Morrison to AAA. Morrison is one of the few baseball players who says exactly what he's thinking to reporters, so everyone hates him. He's second on the team in HR and third in RBI so why not ship him off to Louisiana? That'll teach him! /loses 40 of next 50 games

So the Marlins have a far weaker team for the series finale today, but Mike Stanton remains. That dude wins ballgames all by himself. My prediction: Stanton hits five walk-off homers in this one, Giants lose the series. Diamondbacks sweep a triple-header, Giants finish today 4.5 games out of first place.

The final tidbit of news is Barry Zito. Last week, Zito was asked to fake that he had re-injured his foot so they could hide him on the DL while they tried to figure out which disastrous fifth starter they were going to stick with for the rest of the year. In Zito's second "rehab start" last night in Fresno, he wrenched his leg or his knee or his likely-fake-but-now-really-injured foot and had to be helped off the field. If you believe in karma, this is what it looks like. I feel bad for Barry Zito, who with any other contract would be the lovable-goofball underperforming fifth starter, but instead is history's second-greatest monster, behind only the reprehensible Jimmy Carter.

Zito's injury reportedly came when he stumbled attempting to cover first base on a grounder, so the only thing that would make this justice more poetic would be if he slipped in a puddle of Brandon Belt's tears.

So You've Decided to Be in Second Place: Giants Lose, 9-2

"Nope, I don't see any hits over here, either."

I'm pretty sure the final score was 9-2. I stopped watching. Why would I do that to myself? This is some Absolute Zero of a team right now, and it's not getting better. The bad news is that the Giants head to Miami and Atlanta to get their clocks cleaned on the road for a while before wrapping things up by losing a series to the Houston Spoilers.

It is important that this is a team that has been ravaged -- and that is the appropriate word, ravaged -- by injuries to key players, and other key players having absolutely catastrophic seasons. Bochy and Sabean are not to blame for what is going on. Well, not entirely, anyway. This is what the universe decided was a fitting repayment for last year's improbable World Series victory. And that's cool. I more or less resigned myself to the Giants missing the playoffs a couple of weeks ago. It's a shame, but it's really pretty admirable they have been able to do so much with so little thus far. This is a team that is dangerously close to fielding a tee as their fifth starter. They can get 15 hits in a game and score less than two runs. They can get three hits in a row with RISP and score none.

The fact that the Astros are giving the Diamondbacks fits indicates that, perhaps, the Diamondbacks are not the unstoppable juggernaut I imagined they were. They hit lots of home runs, and have a Justin Upton, but they're only marginally better than the Giants at this point. They can be caught, and overtaken. There are nearly two months left. But if the Giants miss it, it won't be the end of the world. Posey and Freddy will be back next season. Zito and Rowand will be closer to the end of their deals, if they're still around. Beltran and Ross will likely be gone, which opens up a potential spot for Belt. There's a chance the Giants will acquire an actual shortstop. Given their track record, I'd bet on Jimmy Rollins. Things look a lot better in 2012.

My hope is that things start looking better in 2011. It's hard to imagine things looking worse.

Diamondbacks Can't Handle First Place, Giants Win 8-1

So...dreamy....

The Giants did their best impression of a passable major-league offense today, snapping a five-game losing streak, wrenching sole possession of first place from the Diamondbacks, and placing Ryan Vogelsong once again atop the ERA leader board.

The Giants trotted out what seemed like a fairly laughable offense today, including Orlando Cabrera batting fifth behind Carlos Beltran. But hey! It all worked out just fine, as the Giants exploded against notable "Giant-killers" and new Diamondbacks acquisitions Jason Marquis and Brad "Dolph" Ziegler. Cabrera had three RsBI today! Three!

So yeah: feels good, man. I'm not convinced the Giants didn't use up two weeks' worth of runs, and I certainly don't think the Giants turned any sort of corner. And with the Phillies coming in for four games, so it's definitely still panic time. Especially since the Diamondbacks have an off day, then host the Dodgers, Astros, and Mets.

PLAYOFF FEVER HAS BEEN CAUGHT

Giants Lose Game to Luck Made Flesh, 6-1

The last time I was ever happy.

Yet again, the Giants had absolutely nothing go their way and absolutely everything go the Diamondbacks' way. Tim Lincecum gave up a massive home run to a rookie and there's your ballgame. Aubrey Huff, in a situation where a ground ball to second base would score a run, grounds out to the pitcher instead, and there's your ballgame. Carlos Beltran absolutely demolishes a line drive to the wall that would score a run, but Justin Upton catches it, and there's your ballgame. The Giants get ball four called on what was strike three, and Justin Upton follows the walk with a home run, and there's your ballgame. Javier Lopez -- lefty killer, lefty murderer, lefty annihilator -- is inexplicably brought in to face six right-handed batters in a row, and there's your ballgame.

The Giants only need to win one of these three games to leave this series in first place, and they're not going to do it. They get swept tomorrow and my despair reaches a new low.

Honestly, the only thing I have to go on right now is that the Giants have had SUCH rotten luck, that it HAS to turn around sometime. But there's no offense here, there's no help on the horizon, there's no help forthcoming, Bochy has lost faith in Andres Torres, he won't start Belt over the abysmal Huff, he won't play Burrell when Burrell returns, and the pitching staff is falling apart.

I don't believe the Giants can turn this around enough to take the division. The Diamondbacks aren't slowing down. They're only getting better. Maybe once the Giants snap this losing streak, my outlook will be slightly better, but the Phillies are coming to town next and it's just going to be an absolute mauling.

Basically Everything Possible Goes Wrong, Giants Lose 5-2

Your 2011 NL West Champs.

Matt Cain gets squeezed. The Giants hit everything hard, but they all find gloves. The Diamondbacks hit nothing hard, and they all find holes. Beltran grounds into an inning-ending double play when he represents the tying run. Now he is truly a Giant.

No offense, no offense, no offense. I look at the Diamondbacks and I see a team that refuses to quit and mashes the ball and presses, presses, presses. I look at the Giants and I see a discarded husk of a team that can't muster the strength to win.

It is the second-worst thing in the world for your team to suffer one bad inning and think, "They need five runs? There's literally no way in hell they can score five runs to win this." It is the actual worst thing in the world to be right.

The Giants will get swept and relinquish the NL West lead. They will not make the playoffs. This is the beginning of the end. I hope I am wrong, but I see no indication that is the case. Prove me wrong, Giants. I am begging you.

Giants Reportedly Visited Cincinnati

File game one under toughluck.xls, add game two to missedopportunities.ppt, and consider game three part of no_offense.exe (with a side of barryzito.doc). Three horrific first innings and we're moving on.

The Giants made great moves well before the trade deadline in acquiring Carlos Beltran and Jeff Keppinger, then panicked and made the most lateral of lateral moves in acquiring Orlando Cabrera, so is Miguel Tejada without the name value. Seriously, their slash lines are almost precisely identical.

Huge, huge, enormous, gigantic series against the Diamondbacks starting today. The Giants are totally capable of losing the NL West to them. It's very, very scary. Here we go.

World Series Champions Defeat Phillies 4-1

The Giants make the Phillies so queasy they get Andy Capp-style nausea bubbles

Today was pretty great. First, the Belt/Burrell rumors weren't true. Then the Padres came back -- twice -- to beat the Diamondbacks, taking some of the pressure off of the Giants. Then Carlos Beltran arrived and said all the right things and didn't look weird in the Giants uniform.

Heck, it almost didn't need a weakened Tim Lincecum to shut down the Phillies for six innings. Almost. Chase Utley can't hit Lincecum. Can't even see him. Jeremy Affeldt? No problem, bro. Utley can crank a double off him no probskis. Lincecum? Utley's standing up there like he's batting against a...g-g-g-ghost!

Beltran went 0-for-4 with a pair of strikeouts. No worries, pal, don't rush things, we'll take it from here. The Phillies lost their first back-to-back games at home since MAY. The Giants took the series. Feels good, man.

In less-than-awesome news, Brian Sabean today pretty much came out and said that Brandon Belt has no chance of winning the starting first baseman job. That stinks out loud, but now that it's out in the open, it's a little easier. Belt will be coming into games late and getting maybe one at-bat per. It's better than nothing. Huff is bound to have SOME positive regression. He certainly can't get much worse. There's also a tiny, tiny, minuscule chance that Sabes is working on a Zito trade. That would be...well, that would just be spiffy.

But for today, a series win. A four-game lead. A shiny new Beltran. I'll take it.

Giants Win, 2-1, but Somehow Lose

Today started awesome, then got better. The Mariners ended their losing streak. The Giants obtained Carlos Beltran without giving up Gary Brown. Then the Giants took a game against Cole Hamels while having both Aaron Rowand and Aubrey Huff in their starting lineup.

But then, the other shoe dropped. The Giants needed to free up a roster slot for Beltran, and CSN Bay Area is reporting that the planned moves are to DFA Pat Burrell and to send Brandon Belt back to the minors. Splashing Pumpkins has the full breakdown as to why these are the worst ideas of all time, but if this is true, this is probably the least faith I have had in the Giants organization since...I don't even know when. I'm just sad.

Bill Hall is staying with the team. Miguel Tejada and Aaron Rowand and Manny Burriss are staying with the team. Mark DeRosa is staying with the team. But Pat the Bat, bench player extraordinaire, a better hitter than Rowand, Ross, and Schierholtz, is leaving. The guy who should have been starting at first base, and should STILL be starting at first base over the historically abysmal Aubrey Huff, is yet again sent to the minors, yet again for no good reason.

I'm hoping this rumor is false. I'm hoping Sabean is working on a package deal to ship Rowand and Huff the hell out of town like he did with Molina when Bochy refused to start Posey. But we'll see what tomorrow brings. We'll see what Beltran contributes. We'll see the repeated failings of Rowand, and Huff, and Ross, and see Belt in the minors and Schierholtz riding the bench.

Sad. Just sad.

UPDATE: The Belt/Burrell stuff is probably bunk, because CSN Bay Area are a bunch of unprofessional hacks. The Burrell thing is impossible since he's on the DL and Mychael Urban has been assured Belt isn't being sent down. If it were me, I'd release Hall and send down Burriss but what do I know? So the news isn't necessarily accurate, but still. I am on pins as well as needles.

- Bill

Less "A Game" and More "A Big Bag of Butts," Brewers Over Giants 4-2

Okay, see that up there? That's Eli Whiteside, the guy who was the Giants' starting catcher today, being unable to catch a baseball thrown from left field. He catches the ball, the Brewers score one less run, which the Giants actually have a chance to overcome. Two runs? Not a chance.

Putting that aside, the Brewers have been lousy on the road all season. Seriously lousy. They come to AT&T and score four runs off of Matt Cain, which, adjusted for park and pitcher, is like two hundred and seventy-three runs. The Brewers are supposed to have insanely, laughably bad defense, yet Nyjer "Tony Plush" Morgan was running hither and yon, tracking down scalded line drives and grabbing his crotch at the entirety of the bleachers, then flipping off the field level seats. (An aside: T-Plush is the absolute best. He's the Ochocinco of baseball, but with less talent. I'm planning on obtaining a "PLUSH 2" Brewers throwback jersey at some point in the next few months. I just don't like when he's playing against the Giants. My rooting interests clash. It's messy.) Casey McGehee and Corey Hart were making sparkling plays. I watched most of the Brewers/Diamondbacks series. Two days ago, K-Rod couldn't throw a strike to save his life. Tonight, he strikes out a pair of Giants and makes a pinch-hitting Brandon Belt have his worst-looking at-bat of the year. When Brandon Belt is up there looking like Anthony Rizzo --or, worse, like a left-handed Aaron Rowand -- that's very, very bad.

So the Giants offense looked like the Giants offense, and Matt Cain had one of his worst starts -- four runs? Are you kidding me?? -- and the Brewers lived up to none of their expectations, all in the worst way. It wasn't the worst game of the year by any means. Heck, I'll even heap praise on Aaron freaking Rowand. He had probably the most impressive pinch hit home run this season, by anyone on any team. Watch some replays. The location of that pitch he hit was totally unreal. Plus, the Rockies beat the Diamondbacks, so it's not like any true damage was done.

Still, an offense is needed. Sorely needed. If the Phillies are closing in on B.J. Upton, maybe the Giants could still land Carlos Beltran. I'd give up Zach Wheeler for a rental at this point, sorry to say. My guess is a deal won't be made until the deadline, and it will be a deal that sends Gary Brown away for, oh, let's say Ivan Rodriguez. I want to believe in Sabean, but I'm thinking that this season is one of his classic trades where he lays an egg.

- Bill