mathematically eliminated #11 the Los Angeles Dodgers

The St. Louis Cardinals did what they could, by losing earlier in the evening, but the Dodgers could not overcome their lifelong rival in the Giants later last night. All the great hype of Magic Johnson becoming part-owner and the Dodgers buying up a bunch of broke down high value baseball cards amounted to not quite enough. So we do not have any playoff intrigue (too much so) going into this final day of baseball. Oddly enough it brings to mind how the extra playoff spot actually kills some of the postseason intrigue unique to baseball, as we're basically recreating the excitement of a play-in game, but in the process, lessening the chances of a play-in games, at least this year. I guess we'll eventually have a year where there is a play-in to get into the wild card play-in. Still, rather than that normal mid-week showdown to set the playoff stage, we're already sitting around like assholes waiting for Friday's games to happen. This, ultimately, is the biggest flaw in MLB postseason scheduling - a lot of sitting around waiting like an asshole, which gives one too much time to explore the other entertainment offerings of the modern American experience.
Still though, a postseason with the As and Os and Nats and a rebirth of the Reds plus all the teams we all love to hate like the Cardinals and Braves and Yankees... we are down to ten, and that'll be quickly chopped to 8 by Saturday morning, and then we'll begin the long, overly dramatic slow codeine drip of the playoffs. I, for one, have my half bottle of hydrocodone ready. I also downloaded like 8gb of DJ Screw tapes, so I'll probably put the game on mute and just watch it while vibing out to chopped and screwed gangsta rap. Baseball should look into incorporating that. You could have regionally appropriate beats behind the broadcasts. It'd at least make Atlanta more interesting, and Miami more annoying.

Matt Kemp Beats Giants, 8-2

wheeeeee

Matt Kemp is really amazing. He's within spitting distance of the NL triple crown. Four points behind Braun for average, one home run behind Pujols, and leading the league in RBI. Not sure how anyone could possibly be considered for this league's MVP. He had three doubles and a home run tonight, and since the Giants offense consisted of solo home runs from Beltran and Sandoval, his one home run in late innings would have been more than enough for an easy victory. The Giants are really rotten, man. They stink on ice.

Let's hope the Diamondbacks make it quick and painless tomorrow night and really put a stomping on everyone to put the Giants out of their misery.

Giants Win 8-5 in Sixteen Brisk Hours

Haters gonna hate

That game took forever. There was absolutely no reason that game should have taken that long. The Giants and Dodgers took nearly four hours for a game that wasn't particularly close. The Giants keep winning games against people not named "Clayton Kershaw" and keep the Diamondbacks' magic number at 2. If the Giants win the Dodgers finale today, they will arrive in Arizona tomorrow with the Diamondbacks' magic number still sitting at "2". Which means that either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, the Giants will be watching the Diamondbacks celebrate clinching the NL West on their home field, in front of like 12,000 people, 8,000 of whom will be Giants fans.

Best-case, and least-likely scenario: The Giants win tonight and sweep the Diamondbacks. That means the Giants will be one game back with three games left to play. That's the best case scenario. The scenario I'm betting on is that the Giants lose their first game against Arizona and that'll be that. Also, that the Diamondbacks eliminate the Giants from the Wild Card race as well. I'm resigned to that. It's cool. August was real, real bad and broke the back of the Giants. It happens more often than anyone wants to admit. Meanwhile, I'm forced to choose between my two least favorite teams in the NL for who I want to win the Wild Card: the Braves or the Cardinals. Yuck.

Whoever wins...we lose.

Giants Lose 2-1, of Course

Clayton Kershaw has faced the Giants five times this season, and is 5-0. Four of those contests have been against Lincecum. Here's how those games turned out:

KERSHAW VS. LINCECUM
March 31 @ LA (opening day): Dodgers 2, Giants 1
July 20 @ SF: Dodgers 1, Giants 0
Sept. 9 @SF: Dodgers 2, Giants 1
Sept. 20 @LA: Dodgers 2, Giants 1

Also, here's the only other thing you need to know about the Giants behind Tim Lincecum this year, courtesy of Andrew Baggarly:

The Giants have scored one run or fewer in 16 of Lincecum’s 32 starts.

Blech. Not a lot to say here. The Giants could have gained yet another game on the Diamondbacks last night and stayed on pace in the Wild Card hunt, but the warming glow of the 8-game win streak is done, and since Bochy's all-right-handed lineup (with Cody Ross and Pat Burrell conveniently injured) consists of Justin Christian, Mark De Rosa (batting cleanup!), and Orlando Cabrera, the inevitable just got inevitable-er. Gross.

One last thing: Chris Stewart delivered the only Giants run last night, a solo shot for his third home run of both the season and his career. Since Buster Posey died, Stewart has been platooning with Eli Whiteside under the assumption that Whiteside was much better with the bat than Stew. Here are their current slash lines:

Whiteside: .207/.276/.325, 4 HR

Stewart: .211/.291/.323, 3 HR

Whiteside has three more walks than Stewart in 51 more ABs, but he also has FORTY-ONE more strikeouts than Stewart. For dudes hitting almost exclusively in the 8-hole, it's pretty obvious that Stewart is the much, MUCH better option here out of two exceedingly lousy options. Especially when you add in the huge defensive upgrade that Stewart is over Whiteside. Whiteside has at least one catcher interference call against him per start, which is way off the league average of "never" for his position.

Stewart throws out about 40% of baserunners, while Whiteside throws out 26%, which honestly sounds WAYYYYY too high to be right so I must not be looking at the correct numbers there. Everyone runs against Whitey, and he is good for at least a few passed balls per game. He's rotten on both offense and defense, and if nothing else, Stewart's proficiency at sacrificing and making contact makes him a no-brainer in a Poseyless world.

I'm really terrified that Whiteside will be the backup catcher over Stewart or Hector Sanchez next year, and that would be just the worst thing.

Giants Beat Dodgers 8-1

Ministry of silly walks sketch.

Last eight runs the Giants score all season is my guess.

Giants Lose 3-0 in Giants-Like Fashion

Latin Heritage Night, which always precedes the Jingoistic Patriotism Cotillion.

Last month, when the Giants were struggling game after game at the plate, there was this sense of, "Man alive, this is some kind of lousy slump. Statistically, there's no way these hitters are this bad. Just no way. Positive regression to the mean is inevitable. Just gonna have to wait this one out." Sadly, it's now gotten to the point where you watch the games and you can't help but think, "Geez, even with a healthy Posey and Sanchez next year, the Giants are really going to have to break the bank on some free agents or this team isn't scoring any more runs again, ever." Of course, it always seems much worse than hopeless when your team isn't scoring runs or getting hits for game after game after game, but looking at these poor guys, they all just seem broken. It's going to be a long wait for 2012.

Another masterful Giants pitching performance went to waste tonight. Ryan Vogelsong kept up his spectacular comeback season, going 8 innings with 6 strikeouts, 1 walk and 3ER. Of course, if you're a Giants pitcher, there are two options: shutout or loss. Dodgers pitcher Dana "Who?" Eveland held the Giants scoreless for 7+ innings, because the Giants.

In good news, Aubrey Huff didn't start for the fourth game in a row, and there was a Brandon Belt sighting! Belt got a hit off of a LHP, dispelling a popular Bochy myth, and is rumored to be getting another start tomorrow. Fingers crossed on that one. Huff did get a key pinch hit AB with runners at the corners and nobody out in the bottom of the eighth inning. Luckily, he struck out on three pitches, because Aubrey Huff.

The Dodgers are threatening to overtake the Giants and finish the season in second place, and the Giants seem the very picture of indifference in the face of that prospect. It must be a real lousy time to be a player in that clubhouse, and that's a shame because it's a real great group of guys that have been absolutely sucked dry by this travesty of a season.

Tim Lincecum Deserves So, So Much Better Than This

The Giants scored a run in the bottom of the first inning. They didn't score again. Tim Lincecum allowed one run through eight innings, but the Giants lost. That's how it goes. That's how it goes all the time. I'm wondering whether Tim just counts the days until free agency. I'm wondering whether he's so frustrated at this point at the complete ineptitude of this franchise ever being able to get him some run support that he refuses to sign any sort of long-term contract with the team.

The Giants looked real bad on offense tonight, which is probably the least surprising thing ever. Here's a list of players the Giants didn't use tonight: Sergio Romo, Brandon Crawford, Brandon Belt, Andres Torres, Mike Fontenot. Here's a list of players the Giants did use tonight: Orlando Cabrera, Justin Christian, Brett Pill, Mark De Rosa.

Oh, it would be remiss of me not to mention: Jeremy Affeldt is out for the season after cutting himself trying to pry apart frozen hamburger, and Chris Stewart hurt himself taking a lead off of first base.

Honestly: what the fuck is wrong with this team?

All Hell Breaks Loose, Giants Lose 9-2

Yeah yeah, Shane. Grind bones, make bread...whatever.

When the season started, I genuinely liked the Phillies, with the exception of twin goblins Shane Victorino and Raul Ibanez. I despised the vast majority of Philadelphia's insufferable fanbase, but I liked the Phillies just fine. I rankled a bit at their building The Most Infallible and Perfect Baseball Rotation in the History of Everything Ever, with nary a Barry Zito in their midst. But still I didn't really wish them any ill.

After the Giants went to Philadelphia, after the Phillies added Hunter Pence, and after the first two games of this series, I hate the Phillies' guts. I hate every last one of them. Their elevated sense of entitlement and self-importance is seldom seen outside of a Yankees uniform. They are bullies, crybabies, and smuglords all at once. They're going to steamroll their way to a pennant and they're going to smug themselves all the way to the bank.

And why not? Why shouldn't they? If the Phillies were the Giants, I'd be smugging it up right along with them. But I can still hate them, and hate them royally. I still hope they walk all over the Diamondbacks next week, but I also hope they burn in hell. In the absence of a good and non-bankrupt Dodgers team to throw ire behind, the Unbeatable Phillies will do just nicely for the heaping of scorn.

By the way, the Giants won't make the playoffs unless they can score more than two runs per game. Spoilers: they won't begin doing that any time soon. I am already beginning to entertain thoughts of "next year."

Diamondbacks Can't Handle First Place, Giants Win 8-1

So...dreamy....

The Giants did their best impression of a passable major-league offense today, snapping a five-game losing streak, wrenching sole possession of first place from the Diamondbacks, and placing Ryan Vogelsong once again atop the ERA leader board.

The Giants trotted out what seemed like a fairly laughable offense today, including Orlando Cabrera batting fifth behind Carlos Beltran. But hey! It all worked out just fine, as the Giants exploded against notable "Giant-killers" and new Diamondbacks acquisitions Jason Marquis and Brad "Dolph" Ziegler. Cabrera had three RsBI today! Three!

So yeah: feels good, man. I'm not convinced the Giants didn't use up two weeks' worth of runs, and I certainly don't think the Giants turned any sort of corner. And with the Phillies coming in for four games, so it's definitely still panic time. Especially since the Diamondbacks have an off day, then host the Dodgers, Astros, and Mets.

PLAYOFF FEVER HAS BEEN CAUGHT

Tim Lincecum Has the Temerity to Allow One Run, Giants Lose 1-0

J'accuse!

Even knowing that the Giants were going to avoid the sweep today, even knowing that the Giants were going to look like the merest of chumps against Clayton Kershaw -- as they do -- it was still infuriating to see them trot out the absolute worst lineup I've seen so far this year. (Aaron Rowand batting third!)

Tim Lincecum and the Giants staff were awesome, with Tim giving up one fluke home run to Dioner Navarro -- Dioner Navarro! -- that was fair by inches. The Giants bats were awful, striking out thirteen times (twelve by Kershaw) and only managing three hits. Just the worst game. Hoping for the Brewers to mangle the snakes again, but I'm not holding my breath. O Carlos Beltran, where art thou?