Corpse of Giants Roster Shows Signs of Unnatural Life

Bruce Bochy will never be able to feel another emotion.

The Giants lost 2-1 in 11 innings. Great, who cares, whatever. Jonathan Sanchez was starting a game the day after a soul-crushing loss and Beltran and Romo were headed to the DL. A loss was academic tonight.

The real meat of today's story is that the lineup was released and everyone was like LOLWUT because Sandoval was at 1B and Huff was in LF and Belt was in RF and an adorable kitten was Pitcher's Helper. (FanGraphs indicates the adorable kitten is leading the majors in mewling, but Shane Victorino is close behind.) The stories started tumbling hard and fast out of Atlanta: Keppinger out, getting an MRI on his wrist; Schierholtz out, possible broken foot; Rowand out, strained intercostal. The Giants must have gotten off a plane that later crashed during last year's playoffs, because 2011 has been a string of calamities bordering on the Lovecraftian.

In the third inning, Jonathan Sanchez sprained his ankle fielding a bunt, because OF COURSE HE DID. Everyone in the ballpark started watching for bolts of lightning or dangling safes or frayed electrical cords left perilously close to puddles of water. The Giants were no-hit through six innings by a guy major his second MLB start. No one expected anything different.

But something strange happened. The Giants showed immense gumption, much more than anyone could have expected. After Sanchez gave up a run, the Giants pitching staff and defense shut the Braves down inning after inning after inning. Cody Ross blasted a huge home run to prevent the no-hitter and the shutout. The Giants made the Braves' bullpen work. They got as many hits as the Braves, but couldn't quite manage the big one. Both Brandon Belt and Aubrey Huff made game-saving plays in the outfield. It was fun. It was more competitive and exciting than it had any right to be, and Brooks Conrad got to be the hero with a ground-rule double and the winning run in a bit of poetic justice.

If I'm the Giants, I have to believe they're pleased with themselves even in a loss. They won't just roll over and die, even when their roster is reduced to Aubrey Huff and a whimsical tea cozy. However, having said that, the Phillies let Lyle "DFA'd From the Pirates" Overbay drive in all three Diamondbacks runs against Roy Halladay and lost at home, putting the Giants 3.5 games out. But fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day. I'm certain that tomorrow will bring more injuries, and I'm equally as certain that Aubrey Huff will be the only member of the Giants roster to not sniff the DL this season. Sabean will have deals in place for Posada, Damon, and Alfonso Soriano by the weekend.

It's really amazing that the Giants have done as much as they have after all that has happened to them this season. If they somehow, somehow manage to make it to the playoffs...that's nothing short of miraculous. It's important to remember that the G-Men should probably have a W-L record more closely resembling the Mariners or Astros than being within spitting distance of first place. This was the best possible loss today. That's something, at least.

Aaron Rowand Drives in Three Runs, Steals Home, Summons Plague of Locusts

Obviously one of my favorite things to do here is vent my frustrations at the Giants' vexing center fielder, Aaron Rowand. But today, as the Allegheny River burst into flame and the sky began to bleed, he was the hero, picking up three RsBI, snapping the Giants' 0-for-17 with RISP for the series, and stealing home on a double-steal when the spectacularly-bearded Josh Doumit winged the ball into center field.

There were two other heroes in today's game. One of them was Ryan Vogelsong, returning to the Giants, who drafted him in 2000, pitching against the Pirates, to whom he was traded lo those many years ago for erstwhile ace Jason Schmidt, and making his first major-league start in eight years, filling in for the injured Barry Zito. Vogelsong had one problem inning, gave up a pair of runs to the Bucs, and needed a hundred pitches through five and two-thirds, but he also struck out eight, matching his career-high, and outpacing Zito's season total to date. He looked good tossing to backup backstop Eli Whiteside, so god only knows what kind of game he could throw when Buster Posey is completing the battery.

The other hero for the Giants was the Pirates' defense. Lordy, did they look terrible. four errors on the day, two by Lyle (clank) Overbay (clank clank). It's nice to see someone OPPOSITE the Giants Brooks Conrad-ing it up this season.

Other news: Mark DeRosa's wrist is still made of spun sugar and delicate wishes. He's back on the DL and Emmanuel Burriss is up from Fresno. Burriss was really raking it in AAA, but didn't look very impressive today, getting a gift infield single and booting a ball. The thing that really makes this bad news is that although backup shortstop Mike Fontenot had his first two hits off a right-handed pitcher this season, Mike Tejada got a meaningless pinch-hit single, which probably proves to Bruce Bochy that he's a gritty veteran gamer with true gamey grit back in his swing, and will start every game for the next three weeks.

The Giants head to our nation's capital, where they will all be asked to present their birth certificates. TOPICAL HUMOR~