Hilarious Lineup Boosts Giants Over Mets, 7-6

That was a hell of a game, and a different type of game than the Giants have played on the road trip thus far. It's a win they sorely needed, though both the Giants and the Mets took turns trying to give the thing a way. There were a ton of storylines converging in this one, so I'll try to tackle them one at a time.

The Giants lineup was something...different today. Tejada was batting second, Mike Fontenot (of the Shire) was batting third, and the notoriously light-hitting Emmanuel Burriss and Nate Schierholz started the game as well. Given the way the Giants have been hitting -- or more accurately, not hitting -- for the past ten games or so, I honestly thought R.A. Dickey was going to pitch a perfect game against them. These Giants of late have two approaches: either hack at the first pitch and make an out, or hack at three pitches and miss them all. According to the tireless Andrew Baggarly, Bochy arranged the lineup according to past success against knuckleballers. Well, okay. We'll get to Tejada in a moment, but the lineup eventually produced key RsBI from Fontenot, Burriss, and pitcher Ryan Vogelsong. The first seven games of this road trip had the Giants going 3-for-42 with runners in scoring position. Last night, they were 5-for-16 with runners in scoring position. That is an uptick, if nothing else.

The Giants did squander an amazing opportunity last night. After Burriss and pinch-hitter Darren Ford reached base with consecutive infield singles, the Giants had runners at the corners with the score tied 6-6 with no one out. The big go-ahead run was ninety feet from scoring. A well-placed ground ball or medium-depth fly ball would score the speedy Burriss. First up was Aaron Rowand, the hot hand of late, who popped out in foul territory just behind first base. Next up was number-two hitter Mike Tejada, who has looked absolutely awful basically since the moment the season began. He made a nearly-sparkling and important defensive play early in the game, but had grounded out weakly in his first three trips to the plate last night. The first ground-out was a one-hopper that landed a few feet in front of the pitcher, who threw on to first for the put-out. Upon hitting that ball, Tejada lunged toward first in an attempt to leg it out, then grabbed at his foot and weakly protested that he had fouled the ball off his toe. No one bought it at all. So here he was, the goat of all Giants, who had not gotten the ball out of the infield all evening, attempting to launch a fly ball and give the Giants the lead.

He popped out to second base.

Next up was Mike Fontenot, who was intentionally walked after Ford stole second. The Mets chose to pitch to Posey instead, and their gambit paid off, as he popped out to shallow center. Bruce Bochy, for the first time I've seen since he's been skipper of the Giants, was FURIOUS at this insanely pathetic display, screaming cusses and kicking at the steps of the dugout. My respect for Bochy grew by about a million percent. I don't know how he kept his composure this long. I would have chased Tejada around the clubhouse with a bat a week ago. To compound Bochy's frustration, Rowand had to come out of the game in the bottom of the ninth with tightness in his back. The only defensive replacement left? Pat Burrell. I was certain the game was about to end after a pair of doubles down the left-field line, especially since LOOGY Javier Lopez was left in to pitch the entire ninth, but got out of trouble nicely.

Ryan Vogelsong did not pitch well, giving up a pair of lead-changing home runs in a back-and-forth game, and having a lot of trouble locating all night. He only lasted four innings, but he did pick up a vital base hit with RISP. He doesn't get that hit and the Giants don't win. He still probably pitched a better game than Zito would have.

The rampant rumors flying around this week are that the Giants and Mets are talking about a potential trade for Jose Reyes, since Fontenot is doing a fine job but is a natural second baseman, and their other "shortstop" is the flummoxed crybaby with "TEJADA" on the back of his road grays. Reports indicate the Mets may be willing to part with Reyes in exchange for pitching prospect Zach Wheeler and a little more. The Giants would probably jump at that if they were also able to get an exclusive negotiating period with Reyes, who becomes a free agent at the end of the year. Still, I'd give up Wheeler to get a worst-case-scenario Reyes rental for the rest of the year. But that's just me. AND EVERY OTHER GIANTS FAN. Reyes, for his part, had to be aware of the rumors, and just to taunt the Giants, he reached base in all six plate appearances last night, going 3-for-3 with 3 walks, a stolen base and some RsBI.

Aubrey Huff snapped a nifty 0-for-20 slump with a huge bomb to right field to lead off the top of the tenth. Thanks to a relatively stress-free bottom of the tenth for Brian Wilson (he went to a full count with only three of the four batters he faced), the Giants had this one in the bag. Simple!

Lincecum is on the hill today, so tune in. Always a potential for something special on Lincecum Day.

Just the Absolute Worst

Bumgarner finally has not just a good outing, but a spectacular one. But the only two runs of the game come after Tejada lets a routine grounder -- which would have been the third out of the inning -- get through his legs. This comes one day after Tejada ends a rally with a weak grounder...AFTER BEING GIVEN THE TAKE SIGN on a 3-0 count.

Not that the Giants offense was there to lend a hand, though. Rowand leads off today's game with a double, gets bunted over to third, and Posey and Burrell pull two grounders to third. That's as close as the Giants came to scoring a run all evening.

It's not panic time -- the Giants have two of their best players on the DL, everyone is slumping like mad, the starting pitching is unsustainably uneven, the Nationals played out-of-their-minds good defense all series, and the Giants have been getting BABIP'd to death. But it is time to be furious at how poorly things are going. Tejada is actively hurting the Giants by being on the field.

A series against the Mets begins tomorrow. The Giants are 3-4 so far on this road trip. Things...could be worse. Somehow.

JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS

woof

That was one of the ugliest, craziest games I have EVER seen. Giants defense allowed 9 walks, 3 hit batsmen, and an error...and two hits. Giants offense got 8 hits, was 1-for-9 with runners in scoring position, and got their runs on a solo homer by Eli Whiteside and a pinch-hit bases-loaded walk by Aubrey Huff.

The Giants were doubled off on second base on a 1-4 putout. Yeah, I don't know how to describe it. Brian Wilson recorded a save while giving up two walks and a HBP. Seriously, if you can find a way to watch this game, I recommend doing so. Especially if you're not invested in either the Giants or Nationals. Then you can be free to just laugh and laugh. Jonathan Sanchez and Brian Wilson were effectively wild, but check out that ump's strike zone above. Just ludicrous.

The Giants hottest hitters right now are Aaron Rowand, Eli Whiteside, and Mike Fontenot. Posey snapped his slump today and picked up two hits. You know who's not hitting well right now? Mike Tejada.

Oh, and Pablo Sandoval joins Andres Torres, Barry Zito, and Mark DeRosa on the DL with a broken bone in his right hand. Not...not good. Still, the Giants have managed to win three out of five games on this road trip thus far, so one can only imagine what this team is capable of when they have an offense.

Well, That Sucked

Wheeeeee

The Giants are officially MIRED in a team-wide slump. It's really, really, really bad. Tim Lincecum pitched a hell of a game, going seven strong and getting better the entire time. Here is how his three earned runs came about:

- Cody Ross runs into Aaron Rowand (above), knocking a caught fly ball (on an 0-2 count) out of Rowand's glove, ending with a runner at second (SCORED A HIT!). The next batter, "Laynce" Nix, somehow gets his bat on an incredible breaking ball (on an 0-2 count) and knocks a dinger.

- Second base ump blows a call, allowing Nats baserunner to be safe on second when replays show he was caught stealing by Posey. The Nats pitcher somehow gets his bat on a pitch above his head (on an 0-2 count) and tomahawks a base hit into right, scoring the runner.

Still though, the frustration watching the Nationals offense Padres it up all evening, it was even more frustrating watching the entire Giants offense look like it's the first time any of them have held a bat before. The Nationals starter, Jason "Who?" Marquis looked like the second coming of right-handed Sandy Koufax or the Latino(?) Bob Gibson against these anemic mopesters, tossing a 96-pitch, complete-game shutout.

The Giants bats need to wake up in a hurry. Here's how they're looking:

Rowand, CF	4	0	2	0	0	1	o	.296
Sanchez, F, 2B	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	.284
Huff, A, 1B	4	0	0	0	0	2	2	.202
Posey, B, C	3	0	0	0	0	1	1	.250
Sandoval, P, 3B	3	0	0	0	0	0	1	.313
Burrell, LF	3	0	0	0	0	2	1	.253
Tejada, SS	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	.214
Ross, C, RF	3	0	1	0	0	0	1	.207

yeeeeeeeesh

Aaron Rowand Drives in Three Runs, Steals Home, Summons Plague of Locusts

Obviously one of my favorite things to do here is vent my frustrations at the Giants' vexing center fielder, Aaron Rowand. But today, as the Allegheny River burst into flame and the sky began to bleed, he was the hero, picking up three RsBI, snapping the Giants' 0-for-17 with RISP for the series, and stealing home on a double-steal when the spectacularly-bearded Josh Doumit winged the ball into center field.

There were two other heroes in today's game. One of them was Ryan Vogelsong, returning to the Giants, who drafted him in 2000, pitching against the Pirates, to whom he was traded lo those many years ago for erstwhile ace Jason Schmidt, and making his first major-league start in eight years, filling in for the injured Barry Zito. Vogelsong had one problem inning, gave up a pair of runs to the Bucs, and needed a hundred pitches through five and two-thirds, but he also struck out eight, matching his career-high, and outpacing Zito's season total to date. He looked good tossing to backup backstop Eli Whiteside, so god only knows what kind of game he could throw when Buster Posey is completing the battery.

The other hero for the Giants was the Pirates' defense. Lordy, did they look terrible. four errors on the day, two by Lyle (clank) Overbay (clank clank). It's nice to see someone OPPOSITE the Giants Brooks Conrad-ing it up this season.

Other news: Mark DeRosa's wrist is still made of spun sugar and delicate wishes. He's back on the DL and Emmanuel Burriss is up from Fresno. Burriss was really raking it in AAA, but didn't look very impressive today, getting a gift infield single and booting a ball. The thing that really makes this bad news is that although backup shortstop Mike Fontenot had his first two hits off a right-handed pitcher this season, Mike Tejada got a meaningless pinch-hit single, which probably proves to Bruce Bochy that he's a gritty veteran gamer with true gamey grit back in his swing, and will start every game for the next three weeks.

The Giants head to our nation's capital, where they will all be asked to present their birth certificates. TOPICAL HUMOR~

"Really Enjoying the Week Off," Claims Giants Offense

Hey Michael: you're bad and you should feel bad.

The 2011 Giants are doing their best impression of the 2009 Giants, but with more recognizable names. The good news is that they're doing so awfully so QUICKLY, as this game sped right along. I'm watching Aaron Rowand strike out on three pitches, I look up and see the Canadiens give up a goal, I look down and I'm watching Aaron Rowand strike out on FOUR pitches this time. Way to work the count, A-Row. Honestly, if you get a chance to watch Rowand in a Giants game this year, you'll see him swing and miss at a slider down and away on an 0-2 count. Also, he'll step in and ask the umpire to start him with two strikes, because he's just THAT DAMN GOOD. Just kidding, he's horrible. He's like Roger Cedeno in Major League, except substitute "slider" for "curveball" and substitute "funny, entertaining, and ultimately triumphant" with "Aaron Rowand."

Looking even worse than Rowand is Michael Tejada , who got a hit...after he whiffed on a pitch during a hit-and-run and got Cody Ross thrown out at second. Cody Ross was looking absolutely craptastic since coming off the DL, but today got two bloop singles and a walk, so whatever. Giants are reaching base all over the place (except Tejada and the suddenly-slumping Posey), but no one's bringing them home.

I guess the real good news is that Madison "Sadison Bummedgarner" Bumgarner looked great tonight, giving up one fluky run in six innings or whatever. The Giants offense is 0 for 16 with runners in scoring position thus far in Pittsburgh. That...that's not good. The 1-0 lead was starting to feel insurmountable even before the Pirates added an insurance run off the bullpen. The Giants lost today to a sub-par team and it wasn't nearly as close as the final 2-0 score would seem. The Giants start Ryan Vogelsong tomorrow as they go for the series win. It's not torture this season; it's just irritating.

Darren Ford: History's Greatest Monster

The above .gif is from last year, but the sentiment is the same. Following a brutal three-game sweep at home by Ted Turner's contemptible Braves, the Giants were looking like crud against the lowly Pirates and their Roy Halladay clone, whatshisname. They managed to tie the game on a couple of sac flies and wiggle out of a couple of jams, but the offense was nonexistent for most of the game, as is fitting with a team that is insisting on batting Aaron Rowand in the leadoff spot, and Michael Tejada in any spot.

BUT THEN the Giants got a huge Pirates misplay in the top of the tenth to get their leadoff batter standing on second. BUT THEN Freddy Sanchez induced a fielder's choice to eliminate said runner at third. BUT THEN Darren "Vroom" Ford -- he of the baserunning and outfield heroics, but without a major-league hit -- went first-to-third when the Pirates' pitcher bounced a pickoff throw into right field. And on another 4-3 putout, Ford broke for home, and it wasn't close.

Darren Ford: can't hit a lick, but the most exciting man in baseball on the basepaths. Big, much-needed win for the Giants yesterday, but they need their bats to wake up and their pitchers to settle down.

Eat it, Rockies

POOOOUUUUNNNCCEEEE

Troy Tulowitzki entered the series against the Giants batting .364. He is currently batting .323 after going 0 for 8 in the first two games. He demonstrated a knack for sulking, refusing to run on a passed-ball third strike, staring at Buster Posey and taking his batting gloves off determinedly while waiting at home plate to be tagged out. I hope he and Albert Pujols are thrown into the same slump-pit to rot for the rest of 2011.

The Rockies are suddenly figuring out that their best-record-in-baseball, haven't-lost-consecutive-games hot start looks a lot less impressive when you're not playing the Diamondbacks, Mets, or Cubs any more. By contrast, the Giants are suddenly figuring out that they are THE DEFENDING WORLD CHAMPIONS, that their offense is light-years better than it was in the first half of 2010, and coincidentally, clubhouse manager Mike Murphy just found a big box in the attic marked "SWAGGER" that he meant to take down after the team returned from the Cactus League. Better late than never, Murph!

Historically, the Giants avoid the sweep today. Matt Cain is pitching, Sandoval injured himself at BP an hour ago, and Cody Ross returns. It's going to be a fun one. Let's play...just the one. Travel day tomorrow. Two would be silly.

What a Lovely Turn of Events

I should write negative BF previews more often. Just hours after posting my fears about the historically unkind bouncy-house known as Coors Field, the Giants went absolutely bonkers. Lincecum took a no-hitter into the seventh inning, while Nate Schierholtz (a notoriously light-hitting leftie whose only home run at the short-porched AT&T Park was an inside-the-parker) launched a ludicrous third-deck shot, one of three Giants taters on the evening. The good guys won by a final of 8-1, Tulowitzki went hitless, and Kung Fu Panda took three walks.

Pat Burrell picked up his fifth home run in nine hits, but his first non-solo homer of the season. It's always a blast watching Burrell launch his moon shots, because he has that humongous, goofy swing. He just goes WHAM, watches the ball only until he's sure it's not hooking foul, then stares at the ground and trots around the bases. He's so ashamed of his flashy displays of dingertry.

Looks like Cody Ross will be activated and Brandon Belt sent down today, which is fine. Let the bears pay the bear tax, I say. Here's hoping the Giants keep it up in "The Buckeye State," Colorado.

Buckle Up

The Giants managed to avoid sweeping the Diamondbacks yesterday, thanks to Michael Tejada and others. Thankfully, they looked real good taking two of three in the desert. Aubrey Huff got his first home run of the year out of the way, and Posey and Kung Fu Panda are looking amazing. Sandoval is, at-bat by at-bat, erasing the horrid memory of his performance last season. The defense is looking less clanktastic with every outing, with the exception of the aforementioned Tejada. The hottest hitter on the Giants is -- you guessed it -- Aaron "Frank Stallone" Rowand.

The bad news is that this afternoon, the Giants open a series in Colorado. Historically, whenever the Giants visit Bland Humidor Stadium, the Rockies take turns eating the Giants' lunch and cleaning the Giants' clocks in a brisk, workmanlike fashion. Troy Tulowitzki will hit a minimum six home runs over the next three games. That's carved in stone.

The other bad news is the Giants 6-7-8 hitters. Burrell is hitting .190 with 8 hits, 4 HR and 4 RBI (yep). Brandon Belt has entrenched himself at the Mendoza line, and unless he explodes out of it in the next few days, he's the only player it makes sense to send down when Cody Ross returns. And then there's the six million dollar man, Mike Tejader.

Meanwhile, back at the "the Giants don't have a backup starter if one of their rotation gets injured," Barry Zito injured himself. After throwing two innings of exceedingly Barry Zito pitching, Zito dove ("collapsed" would be a better descriptor) for a bunted pop-up and his foot exploded. The upside is that the Giants bullpen has been playing out-of-their-minds good lately, notably Guillermo Mota, Sergio Romo, and Ramon Ramirez. (Not Jeremy Affeldt.) The Giants bought the contract of prodigal son Ryan Vogelsong, who had been overachieving in Fresno thus far this season. Best-case scenario: Dr. Sam Beckett has leaped into Vogelsong's body and can't leap again until the Giants release Zito and/or win the World Series again. Worst-case scenario: it can't possibly be worse than last year's Wellemeyer experiment.

Tim Lincecum is pitching today. Cause for hope and joy in the most fearful and jaded of men. Please also note that last year in Colorado, he suggested the Rockies were trying to slip him a juiced ball. Will there be a fight? Who knows! Let's play some home run derby!

- Bill

PANIC jk it's all good

Well, the first four innings of tonight's Giants game sure looked like it was time to ratchet up the hopelessness machine. Tim Lincecum wasn't getting strikeouts, Aaron ".134 BA" Rowand was batting leadoff, and the Giants were hacking at everything remotely ball-like that was thrown their way. Chad Billingsly gently rolled a ball across the plate and Brandon Belt closed his eyes and swung above his head as hard as he could, bless his heart.

BUT THEN Aaron Rowand of all people got a big hit. Pablo Sandoval swung at a pitch a half-inch above the dirt, heading down, and stroked a double down the right-field line. Brandon Belt got a bloop single. The Giants took the lead. Timmy locked it down and started looking like Tim Lincecum. The Freak even flashed leather and made a gigantic big-boy diving stop and last-second toss to first for a put-out.

BUT THEN reliever Jeremy Affeldt came in and gave up a first-pitch homer to Marcus "On The" Thames and ruined Timmy's hard-earned win. He loaded the bases with one out and Guillermo Mota came in...and threw LIGHTNING BOLTS to get the huge strikeout. A pop fly later and the Giants were back in the dugout...but it was a tie game.

BUT THEN Rowand hit a first-pitch triple off the wall in right-center and came home on a wild pitch. And the Giants won. Thanks to Aaron Rowand. Again. It ended up being a fantastic and wild game, risen from the ashes of yet another Dodger drubbing.

Make no mistake: Rowand is not a starting outfielder. He is even less of a leadoff man. Andres Torres and Cody Ross can't come back from the DL soon enough. When they get back, Belt should probably be sent down, returning Huff to first base and giving the Giants 2/3 of a mobile outfield again. But for tonight, at least, it is enjoyable hard-fought and well-earned victory for the Giants. Their three home wins this season have all been in exceedingly dramatic fashion, and they have an opportunity to take the series from the Dodgers in the rubber game tomorrow.

Let's get some more excitement.

Absolute Craziness

Like a boss.

Today the Giants got their World Championship rings and celebrated by wearing SWANK gold-lettered jerseys and caps. Noted San Francisco Hall of Famers Mays, McCovey, Cepeda, Perry and Marichal all got rings, as did the crack Giants announce team of the esteemed Jon Miller and Lon Simmons, the destined-to-be-esteemed Dave Fleming, and the esteemed-by-some-loathed-by-others Kruk and Kuip.

It was a truly magical evening that was nearly ruined by injury early on, as center fielder Andres "The Giant" Torres went out with an ankle injury after fielding a fly ball early on. Amazingly, his replacement, the defensive whizkid and speedster who swings like Will Clark but without the power or average, Nate "Juggernate" Schierholz managed to have himself a three-hit night.

Things managed to get worse still thanks to Colby Rasmus, as he cranked a rare Matt Cain mistake just over the right-center wall to put the loathesome Cardinals up 2-1. The score seemed certain to remain that way, or to even get worse, but Dan Runzler pitched himself out of a self-imposed mega-jam, and with two outs in the bottom of the ninth, down by one with two men on, Miguel "Michael" Tejada stepped to the plate. Tejada famously hacked at a shoelaces-high first pitch on Opening Day to foul out and end an inning and a rally with the bases loaded. Here, however, he miraculously turned an 0-2 count into a 3-2 count and spoiled a handful of tough pitches to stay alive. It was a hell of an at-bat, regardless of the outcome.

But man, what an outcome.

Miggy jacked a fly to deepest left-center. When the ball left the bat, Cards catcher Yadier Molina actually hung his head and began walking off the field, but the ball stayed in the park. The aforementioned St. Louis hero Colby "sub-par cheese" Rasmus raced towards the warning track, trying to follow the ball in the 18MPH wind. He went for a basket-style catch, got a hand on it, and dropped it onto the outfield grass as both baserunners crossed the plate and Tejada leaped for joy, mobbed by the emptying dugout.

It was the second walk-off for San Francisco in two nights, and in their first two games at home. Regardless how much Tejada may stink up the infield and the lineup for the balance of the season, tonight he looked every bit as much a World Champion as his teammates.

Watching the 2011 Giants is much the same as watching the 2010 version: heart palpitations at every turn. But if this season turns out half as well as the last one, it will be well worth the ride. (P.S. I hope Pujols's slump lasts forever.)

- Bill

Welcome Home, Boys

Long may she wave.

- Bill

Let's Get Pumped About Baseball and/or the Giants

Baseball season is scant [units of time] away and the Giants are tearing ass through the Cactus League like the Juggernaut. Brian Sabean is calling every major league team and some hockey teams trying to find someone, anyone, who will give him a warm body in exchange for the anthropomorphic garbage pile that calls itself "Aaron Rowand."

Marvel with me at Showtime's trailer for an attempt at a 24/7-type show, focusing on my beloved WORLD CHAMPION San Francisco Giants. Please watch the above video and enjoy Andres Torres doing serious MMA-style brick-throwing, Pablo Sandoval revealing his drawn-on-with-Sharpie new Strong Bad-type abs, Freddy Sanchez and Cody Ross being lovable doofuses, Tim Lincecum being generally the best, the completely-awful-thus-far Miguel Tejada being loaded into a space capsule to be fired into orbit, and a heaping helping of MLB's resident Andy Kaufman, Brian Wilson.

- Bill

FIRST GAME OF SPRING TRAINING YEAAAHHHHH

We're about four hours from the first San Francisco Giants spring training game of 2011. I don't know whether it will be broadcast on the KNBR website, or on XM, or if it's only on that mlb.tv scam*, but I have a hunch that it probably won't be shown on TV here in the backwoods of Los Angeles.

It's a hell of a thing. The Giants will be starting a mix of World Series Champion stars and Aaron Rowand, and Lincecum will be starting on the hill for an inning or two. It's terribly exciting. Look at that picture up there! The San Francisco Giants won the World Series last year. THEY DID THAT. At this time last year, they were expected to finish third or fourth in the division.

Spring training and 2011 baseball opens here and expands before us, people. Will Mark De Rosa's wrist disintegrate when he fields his first short-hop? Will Pablo Sandoval's girdle burst open at an inopportune time, revealing that he fooled us all during the offseason? Will Jonathan Sanchez be the new and improved Jonathan Sanchez from the first 150 games of 2010, or will he turn into Todd Wellemeyer, Part 2? There's so much we don't know.

I will certainly try to catch as much spring training as I can. Hopefully Buster "What it is Right Now" Posey and Brandon "The Risen Christ" Belt will knock the cover off the ball and make everyone else on the team look like a pile of Aaron Rowands. Whatever the case, go Giants!

And more importantly, go baseball. Go baseball.

Andres Has a Posse

The Giants have announced that they settled arbitration (or whatever) with outfielder Andres Torres. Torres, who had a career year and then some in 2010, was an enormous part of the Giants' world championship season, taking over as starting center fielder by mid-season after even Bruce Bochy could no longer ignore that he was knocking the cover off the ball, playing incredible defense, and was literally the only player on the Giants who was capable of stealing a base. By contrast, Aaron Rowand was too busy working on his MekaNeck impression and batting a cool .087, while insisting on playing every fly ball by crashing through the outfield wall, Kool-Aid Man style.

Rowand was paid $12 million last year, and this year he's going to be paid like 0.75 Barry Zitos worth of cash. Torres made $600,000 last year. This year, he'll make $2.1 million, which is more than he's made in his entire major league career combined. I'm happy for the dude, and I hope he continues being the glue that holds the Giants together, and their only bona fide leadoff man. He's no spring chicken, but he's a bargain and, even if his numbers dip, he's going to be worth more and see more playing time than Rowand, who will hopefully be jettisoned to the Diamondbacks mid-season, which is pretty much what he deserves.

- Hanstock

Your 2011 San Francisco Giants: Television Stars

As we roll toward spring training, and the reality of my lifelong baseball team winning the World Series in my lifetime not having fully sunk in, the San Francisco Giants will take the field in 2011 looking nearly the same as they did at the end of 2010.

Pablo Sandoval has been spending the past two months wearing Hefty bags while riding a stationary bike in a sauna as Bobby Southworth insults his father. It's all part of "Operation Dumbo Drop 2" or some similarly-named thing. The Panda had a brutally awful 2010, so one of the largest questions about 2011 is whether the dropped weight will result in a return to form, or whether Pablo will eat fifty Buca di Beppo dessert rafts between now and opening day and keep swinging at pickoff tosses to first.

The playoffs and World Series showed that Bruce Bochy is, shockingly, aware of which of his teammates are his best players in any given situation, so hopefully that means Aaron Rowand sees significantly less playoff time. There's also the returning Mark De Rosa, whose wrist disintegrated early in the season, and the newly-signed Miguel Tejada, about whom the nicest thing that can be said is "he's not Eric Chavez."

There's exciting stuff happening in the minors. Brandon Belt is the first baseman of the future, and apparently his swing is like Will Clark's but with the addition of the Red Dead Redemption "Dead-Eye" feature.

The Giants have also signed a deal to have a "24/7"-style show filmed, which will begin airing on Showtime in the second half of the season. Expect it to feature Brian Wilson amping up his "Andy Kaufman-as-baseball player" routine, and plenty of Aubrey Huff and Pat Burrell punching each other in their bare dicks.

It's Magic Inside.

- Hanstock