NATS (57-38) BETTER THAN DODGERS 19 DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 with the first inning dinger 
 (dork phrase for "home run") 

 Gio Gonzalez winning 
 fills my heart with shining joy 

NATS (51-35) BETTER THAN BREWERS FIVE DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 smashed himself a first inning 
 homer, with two on 

 offense continued smashing 
 enough to keep cushioned lead 

NATS (43-31) WORSE THAN BREWERS THREE DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 strong with the strikeouts, but weak 
 with allowing runs 

 where the fuck is Bryce Harper, 
 the dominating presence? 

NATS (42-25) BETTER THAN PADRES FOUR DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 got a homer; remember 
 when he was smashing? 

 now a Bryce Harper homer 
 seems rare, yet they stay winning 

NATS (29-19) BETTER THAN CARDINALS

 Harper's been somewhat 
 homerless, but crushed third-deck 
 bomb sans batting gloves 

 youthful precocious swagger 
 helped kill bastard Cardinals 

NATS (27-17) BETTER THAN MARLINS YESTERDAY

 by time Maximum 
 Scherzer gave up two runs in 
 7th, was up 6 

 Harper/Murphy as meat of 
 batting order could get wild 

NATS (23-14) WORSE THAN MARLINS FIVE DAYS AGO

 Bryce Harper quickly 
 dropped single-game suspension 
 appeal, sat one out 

 night cap throwaway to May 
 double-header, without star 

NATS (22-13) BETTER THAN MARLINS TONIGHT

 seems like Bryce Harper 
 has been quieter, other 
 than that ejection 

 he yanked game-winning homer 
 though, angrily fired back up 

NATS (14-6) WORSE THAN PHILLIES FIVE DAYS AGO

 offensive goose eggs, 
 two measley ass hits the whole 
 game - the fuck is this? 

 Harper gonna be walking 
 more than prime-time Barry Bonds 

NATS (14-4) BETTER THAN TWINS TODAY

 Harper batted in 
 tying run, bottom of ninth, 
 then forever came 

 bottom of sixteenth inning, 
 walk-off homer, game over 

NATS (10-3) BETTER THAN MARLINS

 another grand slam 
 by the Ultimate Harper - 
 channeled energies 

 Strasborg (plus bullpen) kept it 
 zero on the other side 

NATS (9-2) WORSE THAN PHILLIES YESTERDAY

 top of tenth inning 
 homer by Bryce Harper should 
 have sealed series sweep 

 but here comes ol' Papelbon 
 who of course fucked it all up 

NATS (9-1) BETTER THAN PHILLIES TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 displayed maximum sport nerd 
 statistic value 

 Ultimate Harper blasted 
 another homer; the Nats romped 

NATS (8-1) WAY BETTER THAN PHILLIES LAST NIGHT

 Harper homered, five 
 top of first inning runs scored, 
 game over quickly 

 Joe Ross the team ace thus far? 
 I didn't see that shit coming 

NATS (5-1) BETTER THAN BRAVES YESTERDAY

 Ultimate Harper 
 knocked in both Nats runs bottom 
 of the 8th inning 

 an amazing player who 
 will look stupid in pinstripes 

NATS (1-0) BETTER THAN BRAVES TODAY

 another season 
 of Washington Nationals 
 baseball feels begins 

 Ultimate Harper homers 
 in first at-bat; shit is lit 

NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-nine

(the original Charlie Hustle)

Gio Gonzalez was in off-mode on Saturday in his on/off style of pitching. It's hard not to feel like he is psychically attached to Stephen Strasburg somewhat, being they were ONE-TWO there for a spell early on in Nationals franchise hope for the future, so you have to imagine Strasburg getting DL-ed that morning weighed heavily on Gio's psyche. Nonetheless, even after giving up 4 runs and coming out the game in the 6th, Gio was still on track to get the W. But the Reds bombadiered their way to 4 runs in the bottom of the 8th, and secured a victory, which also secured a series win, which also I'm not sure I remember the last time the Nats not winning a series with a team, like seriously it might be since the first month but I'm not gonna go double-check because I'm not Elias Stats Bureau, just some dude sitting at his desk at work BLOGGING about BASEBALL.

Bryce Harper has been homerless in this series thus far, and I think my brain had planned comparisons between Harper and Pete Rose, not because I think Harper will be the greatest hitter in history but ultimately shamed from the game and shunned forever, but because Harper also has that weird super-competitive perhaps slightly-weird Charlie Hustle mentality where he perhaps overdoes certain things most baseball players would be like, "bro, take it easy." Personally, I feel this is a good nonsense mentality to instill on a baseball team, even though vets might be haters, the dudes that come up under such a nonsense Charlie Hustle mentality take to that as to what is right. For example, Michael Taylor gets full-time gig while Caveman Werth is out (on the DL, again), and Taylor busted a HR in this game. Taylor has been busting homers. Taylor has looked solid as fuck at times, like the type of solid you can think, "wow, there's a lot of young dudes who are potentially awesome on this team" and it makes you feel like there's an actual hope for not just now but forever (lolol).

I don't think you could be Pete Rose level Charlie Hustle in today's game though. People are weakened by their over-education of mind, which tells wild heart to "shut the fuck up, you don't *know* what you're suggesting" all too often. Though Bryce Harper probably doesn't read these words, I put it out there as universal intention of words spoken as if they meant something & would be received by subject - STAY WILD YOUNG BRYCE HARPER, MAINTAIN YOUR FEROCITY OF SPIRIT, DON'T LET THESE EGGHEAD BITCHES SLOW YOU DOWN, BE A TRUE DIAMOND KING.

Anyways, Nats were 28-21.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-seven

(Bryce Harper rookie card)

Nats went into the rubber tramp stamp game at Wrigley yesterday flirting with a 2-game losing streak. (lolol that is where we are, where losing two in a row is notable.) [also are you supposed to cap the first "l" in "lolol" if it opens a sentence? what about in the bracketed follow-up questions?] However, Max "Maximum" Scherzer was pitching and you know what? He's pretty fuckin' awesome. 5 hits over 7 innings with no runs allowed awesome. And you know what else? Matt Grace is turning into the pretty solid set-up dude leading into certified closer Matt Storen (who got his 16th save already).

You know what else happened? Bryce Harper totally hit another fucking home run. He's on pace (according to my desktop calculator) for like 62, but he also didn't really hit any at the beginning of the season. Basically he's gonna hit a thousand I bet.

Nats are 28-19.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-two

(tbh Max Scherzer & his crazy heterochromia eyes

kinda freak me out)

Friday night game opening a series against the divisional rival Phillies of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Maximum Scherzer (pictured above) maximized himself yet again. The Ultimate Harper homered again (16 & counting). Drew Storen saved a close game again (13 & counting). The Nats won, 2-1.

Nats were 25-17.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-one

(would've preferred a pic of Matt Williams HIGH-larious

sweeping of his cleats across home plate, which was very

Billy Martin-esque, but hey, this is a nice action shot

of dickhead ump throwing dork gang sign)

Yesterday I found out there's a FM radio station the next county over (meaning receivable at my home) that carries Nats radio, which means I can sit outside at the picnic table and probably listen to games watching fireflies and shit like that. But I didn't get around to it in time yesterday night, was too busy harvesting red clover flowers for the ol' lady's herbal witchcraft shit. I tune into that shit though, and start picking wherever I hear bees, because that means it's the bomb ass flowers, while also leaving plenty for the bees, because those motherfuckers got more important shit to do with red clover flowers than I do.

Anyways, I did get inside and catch an update on the game RIGHT AS BRYCE HARPER WAS HORRIBLY EJECTED. Seriously, people upon the social medias were flipping out, so I cut on the radio real quick (the station worked!) and the radio dudes likewise were flipping out. Now understand Nationals radio, as with all home team broadcasts, probably are just ever so slightly biased, but what I took away from the situation is umpire Marvin Hudson is a huge dick who has always been a huge dick and everybody hates him and he is jealous of every man who has an actual functioning penis, so he threw Harper out to make all the children who came to see him play cry.

Of course, Matt Williams came out and got tossed too. This happened like a week ago. They ended up winning that game, so of course they ended up winning this game. Denard Span had an RBI single in the 7th that put the Nats on top, and they held that shit. But you know who is having a Harper-esque week of solid goodness? Ian Desmond, who hit his second homer of the stretch last night in the 1st inning. Also, at one point I remember being like, "WHERE IS THE OFFENSE?" but then suddenly you look, after this amazing hot stretch, and Span and Harper and Wilson Ramos and Yunel Escobar are all stroking well over .300.

And after giving up 2 to open the game, Jordan Zimmermann was again a tricky, conniving bastard on the mound. In a starting rotation of a pair of hired guns (Maximum Scherzer and Doug Fister) as well as fan favorite pair from before (Stephon Strasborg and Gio Gonzales), he might actually be considered the perfect 3rd dude glue that helps hold it all together. Like I don't ever remember thinking angrily "Fuck Jordan Zimmermann" at any point in my tacit support of these Nats. And usually I am like "fuck everybody".

Nats are 24-17, and alone atop the NL East.