NATS (64-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS FIVE DAYS AGO

 oh, Max Scherzer? he 
 just struck out eleven dudes 
 over 8 innings 

 also got two-run single, 
 all for six-nine, four-twenty 

NATS (61-42) BETTER THAN GIANTS 10 DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 was just his normal top-shelf 
 self over 7 

 but of note is Nats turning 
 first triple play since "the Nats" 

NATS (58-40) BETTER THAN PADRES 16 DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 was maximal as always, 
 yet Papelbon won 

 stupid fucking Papelbon, 
 French for "locker room cancer" 

NATS (53-36) BETTER THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 remains pretty amazing, 
 striking out mass fools 

 also Daniel Murphy is 
 pretty swell ball player too 

NATS (43-31) WORSE THAN BREWERS THREE DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 strong with the strikeouts, but weak 
 with allowing runs 

 where the fuck is Bryce Harper, 
 the dominating presence? 

NATS (29-20) WORSE THAN CARDINALS TONIGHT

 fuckin' Max Scherzer 
 got waxed in the 3rd inning, 
 pretty much game done 

 dumbass people can turn hats 
 inside out - it don't matter 

NATS (27-17) BETTER THAN MARLINS YESTERDAY

 by time Maximum 
 Scherzer gave up two runs in 
 7th, was up 6 

 Harper/Murphy as meat of 
 batting order could get wild 

NATS (23-16) WORSE THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 outdueled in divisional 
 rival pitching duel 

 if I've not mentioned how much 
 I hate the Mets - I hate them 

NATS (19-10) WORSE THAN CUBS 4 DAYS AGO

 pitchers duel betwixt 
 Maximum Scherzer and John 
 Lackey was promised 

 Maximum Scherzer shaky 
 as fuck though - should we worry? 

NATS (17-7) BETTER THAN CARDINALS YESTERDAY

 Maximum Scherzer 
 back to maximized effect, 
 plus offense firing 

 after swept by Phillies, 
 Nats sweep godless Cardinals 

NATS (14-5) WORSE THAN PHILLIES SIX DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 had minimal first inning, 
 never overcame 

 who cares though, since the Flyers 
 caught Stanely Cup piledrivers? 

NATS (9-1) BETTER THAN PHILLIES TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 displayed maximum sport nerd 
 statistic value 

 Ultimate Harper blasted 
 another homer; the Nats romped 

NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-seven

(Bryce Harper rookie card)

Nats went into the rubber tramp stamp game at Wrigley yesterday flirting with a 2-game losing streak. (lolol that is where we are, where losing two in a row is notable.) [also are you supposed to cap the first "l" in "lolol" if it opens a sentence? what about in the bracketed follow-up questions?] However, Max "Maximum" Scherzer was pitching and you know what? He's pretty fuckin' awesome. 5 hits over 7 innings with no runs allowed awesome. And you know what else? Matt Grace is turning into the pretty solid set-up dude leading into certified closer Matt Storen (who got his 16th save already).

You know what else happened? Bryce Harper totally hit another fucking home run. He's on pace (according to my desktop calculator) for like 62, but he also didn't really hit any at the beginning of the season. Basically he's gonna hit a thousand I bet.

Nats are 28-19.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-two

(tbh Max Scherzer & his crazy heterochromia eyes

kinda freak me out)

Friday night game opening a series against the divisional rival Phillies of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Maximum Scherzer (pictured above) maximized himself yet again. The Ultimate Harper homered again (16 & counting). Drew Storen saved a close game again (13 & counting). The Nats won, 2-1.

Nats were 25-17.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game thirty-eight

(apparently at some point Cirque du Soleil did the opening pitch

for a Padres game)

Ken Shamrock, branded as the Most Dangerous Man on Earth, threw out the mostly ceremonial first pitch in Saturday's Padres/Nats game, which led me to wonder, "Why is Ken Shamrock throwing out the first pitch in San Diego?" I guess he's got some sort of fight against fellow famous but perhaps not relevant mixed martial artistry fighter Kimbo Slice, so it was probably just hype and ballyhoo for that. But it got me thinking about opening pitches, and why the fuck do they get all these weird obscure celebrities to do them, and what's the fucking connection even?

Well, when you figure there's 30 teams with 81 home games, that's over 2400 ceremonial first pitches per season (not counting playoffs), which is a fuckin' shitload of ceremony. Like I'm not sure we even have enough qualified human beings in America to conduct that much ceremony. Mostly though, it made me wonder how come I've never thrown out a ceremonial first pitch. I mean, I've been doing this fucking baseball feelings Nats Rise to Glory sporadically for like a month now. Somebody should've fucking contacted me. This new media digital revolution is starting to feel like bullshit.

Ken Shamrock's dangerousness did not translate to the Padres though, as Maximum Scherzer controlled the show (4 hits over 7 scoreless innings) and The Ultimate Harper (2-for-3, no HRs though) was one of there whom had scored in the top of the 1st, which just set the fucking table for the Padres to suffer a long, slow, meticulous, Saturday defeat. Baseball is so fucking boring, but also psychological, so these long lulls of psychic crushing are funny, because I'm sure during the course of the game there were multiple ebbs-and-flows of energy, where Padres faithful became excited, as SHIT WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE, but it never did, and at the end of the night, they just sat there for fucking ever to watch their team suck. The Fathers (always lol) did manage to squeeze a token run in the bottom of the 9th, to at least reward the stubborn assholes who stayed until the final out because they probably paid way more money than they had planned to go out on a beautiful Saturday to watch a shitty baseball game not turn out in a positive way for them personally. That money could've done a lot of other things. Fucking Fathers.

Nats were 21-17.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game thirty-three

Ryan Zimmerman and Matt Williams side-five 

each other, thinking "We are essentially the exact same person"

OMG! I actually followed this game because it was at a convenient time for me to waste a tiny portion of my life on baseball following, and holy fuck man, I had just written some nonsense about "Will these separate themselves from middle-tier or remain firmly entrenched within it, like everybody else?" as the D-backs are also middle-tier, when the Nats came out hard, up 10 to 0 after 2 innings. Like what the fuck man, you have flown across the country, perhaps tired, playing a game that is late at night by your east coast standards, but you smash the fuck out of the fuckers from jump, have Maximum Scherzer on the mound controlling the mic like Fidel Castro, so you coast. You fuckin' sit back and ride out the next two-plus hours, maintain that lead (which they were smart enough keep double digits throughout), and just fuckin' max. Scherzer, who comically injured himself slightly a few weeks ago being a weak ass AL-pitcher trying to hit, even started out 2-for-3, and scored a run. Is there nothing more ridiculously pleasing than seeing a goofy-assed P out there on the base path in his goofy fucking arm-warmer jacket, running around the bases? (I do not know if Maximum Scherzer was actually wearing one of these jackets, because I was listening to the game, not watching, as was the way of my elders, but there can be no doubt about the truth to what I say regardless if it applied to Scherzer's run or not.) And though Bryce Harper got no dingers, he did get another RBI, and now sits atop the league leaderboard in that capacity. This team suddenly feels like a lot of fun, and that they may have a ridiculous barn-storming stomp through the western division before coming home next week.
Mostly though, I am glad there are characters developing - a full variety of guys, like goofy superstar kid (Harper), strange pitching ace (Scherzer), perhaps strange pitching ace made even stranger due to lack of certified ace status (Strasborg), cavemen stoner locker room light heart (Werth), stokey old schooler who basically is exact younger replica version of manager to help instill managerial desires in locker room (R. Zimmerman), utilitarian dude off bench sometimes catalyzing incredible charges (Uggla), plus the odd assortment of Gio Gonzalezes and Yunel Escobars and Wilson Ramoses (who is having a solid fucking season) and so on and so forth, with actual depth and prospects still prospecting one or two levels below, and fuck man, it is an exciting time to barely care about baseball, there is no doubt.
Nats are 18-15.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game twenty-four

I guess Friday night was supposed to be a masterful pitching showdown between Maximum Scherzer and Matt Harvey (rematch of opening day actually). Together, they each went 7 innings, "scattering" (lol) 5 hits, except the Mets got a single run thanks to Michael Cuddyer's solo HR in the 4th. Nats bullpen gave up three more runs in the 8th, and offense was gone after 34 runs in three days, so Nats lost 4-0 (or 0-4 if we do this like soccer).
Nats were 10-14.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game eleven

This past Friday night, Max Scherzer was a beast. I was wandering around and got to catch a little of the game on AM radio in my shitty truck which has almost 200K miles & will explode any day now, which in my humble opinion is the only way to truly enjoy America's past time. In my head I started referring to him as Maximum Scherzer, so I am going to pretend that is his real name now. But Maximum Scherzer was in beast mode. Also of note is the Ultimate Harper (aka Bryce Harper), who smashed a 3-run homer in the first inning, giving Maximum Scherzer a comfortable cushion to be like, "lol lemme do pitcher shit that sportswriter assholes will say 'scattered X hits' about later." So he did.
Nats are (were) 5-6.