NATS (57-40) WORSE THAN PADRES 17 DAYS AGO

 Friday evening 
 home series opener Saint 
 Diego Fathers 

 someone attends ev'ry game 
 and that person is insane 

NATS RISE TO GLORY game thirty-nine

(this is what I had hoped Stephon Strasborg would have

come back as after his robot arm surgery)

Sunday closed out the four-game series with the Fathers in San Diego, and our damaged hero Stephon Strasborg took the mound, having had a rough and rocky couple of outings, and actually not that wonderful a season. He stumbled his way through four more rough and rocky innings, gave up 2 runs, Nats offense caught fire and gave him 3 back in the 5th, then 4 more in the 6th, but that was all he could do. In bottom of 6th, shit started coming undone quickly for Strasborg (yet again), and he was yanked after two outless batters was setting up a potential Fathers comeback.

Sigh... oh Strasborg of the number one overall pick whom Tony Gwynn said was perhaps the greatest ever, what has happened? I mean, it's hard to be all over his ass, as he still won this game to move to 3-4, so it's not like he's a dumpster fire. But this is not what we had planned (by "we" I mean stupid people who attach emotional well-being to how good the Nationals do as a fan, who are prone to speculation and prognostication not necessarily too deeply attached to reality).

However, on the other end of things, top of the 7th, score already 7-3 in Nats favor, The Ultimate Harper smashed his 14th HR of the year, with two-on, and just straight up put a bow on this game to be like, "Fuck y'all, Fathers; we're gonna chill our way through 9 more outs then catch a first-class flight the fuck back east." And that is what they did.

Coming into this west coast swing, I had said some shit about, "Hey, will these guys solidify themselves as high mediocre, or perhaps make a step towards being the upper crust of this professional baseball of 2015?" Obviously the season is still very young (lolol it's not even Memorial Day), but they are starting to look like the type of team that is able to fuck-up but still handle themselves into the W column. Perhaps I'd even suggest to you (Kendall) that they could possibly be flirting with being the best team in baseball. But time will have to pan that one out, no?

Nats were 22-17.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game thirty-eight

(apparently at some point Cirque du Soleil did the opening pitch

for a Padres game)

Ken Shamrock, branded as the Most Dangerous Man on Earth, threw out the mostly ceremonial first pitch in Saturday's Padres/Nats game, which led me to wonder, "Why is Ken Shamrock throwing out the first pitch in San Diego?" I guess he's got some sort of fight against fellow famous but perhaps not relevant mixed martial artistry fighter Kimbo Slice, so it was probably just hype and ballyhoo for that. But it got me thinking about opening pitches, and why the fuck do they get all these weird obscure celebrities to do them, and what's the fucking connection even?

Well, when you figure there's 30 teams with 81 home games, that's over 2400 ceremonial first pitches per season (not counting playoffs), which is a fuckin' shitload of ceremony. Like I'm not sure we even have enough qualified human beings in America to conduct that much ceremony. Mostly though, it made me wonder how come I've never thrown out a ceremonial first pitch. I mean, I've been doing this fucking baseball feelings Nats Rise to Glory sporadically for like a month now. Somebody should've fucking contacted me. This new media digital revolution is starting to feel like bullshit.

Ken Shamrock's dangerousness did not translate to the Padres though, as Maximum Scherzer controlled the show (4 hits over 7 scoreless innings) and The Ultimate Harper (2-for-3, no HRs though) was one of there whom had scored in the top of the 1st, which just set the fucking table for the Padres to suffer a long, slow, meticulous, Saturday defeat. Baseball is so fucking boring, but also psychological, so these long lulls of psychic crushing are funny, because I'm sure during the course of the game there were multiple ebbs-and-flows of energy, where Padres faithful became excited, as SHIT WAS ABOUT TO CHANGE, but it never did, and at the end of the night, they just sat there for fucking ever to watch their team suck. The Fathers (always lol) did manage to squeeze a token run in the bottom of the 9th, to at least reward the stubborn assholes who stayed until the final out because they probably paid way more money than they had planned to go out on a beautiful Saturday to watch a shitty baseball game not turn out in a positive way for them personally. That money could've done a lot of other things. Fucking Fathers.

Nats were 21-17.

mathematically eliminated #19 the San Diego Padres

The Padres had the day off yesterday (or perhaps they actually played in their camouflage uniforms and I couldn't see them) but they still were eliminated from wild card contetion, by virtue of the Cardinals win at Houston. I am a child of the '80s, so those swank doodoo brown uniforms with the super letters were always the greatest, thus these new-fangled modernist uniforms they wear fill me with hate. I understand keeping with the times, but if your old times are so stylish, why change? Fucking merchandising man, it feeds the sexual juices of that whore called capitalism. Only problem is that whore is old and withered and barren and uncaring and we are only left to sit here and watch her die a painful syphilitic death.
So goodbye Padres.

Blue Jays 7, Mariners 2: E5 again? Aw yeah, again and again.

two rad guys, one of whom is currently playing radly

Another home run? And a stolen base? Even if it was just on the tail end of a double steal, I don't care: E5 is cold killing it, and we should all embrace and celebrate him. Hey, you know who else homered? Back-up-catcher-who-can't-hit Jeff Mathis, who has been raking on those rare occasions he actually gets to play. Good for him! Good for us all! I am just excited generally right now, but I am particularly excited about my main man Henderson Alvarez, who allowed but a solitary run in his six innings today. Not excited about: Francisco Cordero, who needs to settle down and not be bad at pitching, in this observer's view. 

Tomorrow night is Kyle Drabek vs. Yu Darvish! Whose smoke shall be smokiest? Tune in! 


Also I wanted to mention that I caught a bunch of the Padres/Giants the other night as the MLB.tv free game of the day, and woah did it look awesome on my computer because that ballpark is the best and also woah did it sound awesome on my computer because John Miller is the best. And Lincecum pitched well! Well, everybody did, but the Padres got burnt on a bad call at first and that was the game, pretty much. 


Baseball,


KS