Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Jose Bautista: Male Witch

 

How Else To Explain It

Although the biggest Blue Jays story in recent days is for sure the enticing prospect of a new ballpark (someday! maybe! although if it ends up anywhere but right where the Skydome is it will probably feel like a mistake!), and the second biggest is Vladimir Guerrero's Jr.'s ongoing wagon-reduction efforts (arguably misguided, I must say, and yet fundamentally I am here to support Vladito in all his doings), number three would have to be the surprising dismissal of longtime Fan 590/Sportsnet Radio Blue Jays commentator Mike Wilner. Well, sort of longtime, longtime for some stuff: although he'd only been doing play-by-play (selected innings) for the last few years, he had been on the radio for about twenty, and first came to my attention as the person whose on-air responsibilities consisted chiefly of reading the Home Hardware Out-of-Town scoreboard, a task to which he possessed adequacy. I would argue that less adequacy -- perhaps not inadequacy, but less adequacy -- was displayed in Wilner's handling of the "Jays Talk" post-game call-in, in which he often treated ill-informed callers with derision and disdain. I will be the first (or at least among them) to admit that the quality of the calls Wilner received was often disappointing, but there was, to me, an unattractive and angry smarty-pantsness (smarty-pantsness is not a good quality) to the way these calls and callers were handled. This smarty-pantsness (or smarty pantsèdness, perhaps), I am pleased to report, didn't especially carry over into Wilner's actual play-by-play work when he was later afforded that opportunity. To say that Wilner was no Tom Cheek, or Jerry Howarth, or Dan Shulman, or Alan Ashby is both totally true and also no great slight, but I have seen very little comment on his dismissal to the effect that "oh man they shouldn't have let him go, he was great!" and instead a good deal along the lines of either "that's too bad; he really loves baseball" (which, as a thing to say, is interesting) or "you know what, I can see it" or, less charitably, "good." I of course have absolutely no desire to see anyone lose their job, especially given our present circumstance (but really whenever). At the same time, I can totally see why the Blue Jays might want to go in a different direction with their radio team. Ben Wagner seems pretty good! Maybe get him another guy! The 2020 television broadcasts were unrivaled, pretty much, as Dan Shulman (with Buck Martinez) is I think the best announcer in baseball these days (did you listen to the ESPN Radio feed of the World Series to hear Dan Shulman? or were you instead like "you know what, I really do like it when John Smoltz has things to say about John Smoltz" as you opted for Fox [haha!]). It felt unnatural for television to be more pleasing than radio for Blue Jays baseball. And frankly I want that stopped. 

The several-day internet focus on Toronto Blue Jays' broadcasters and broadcasting that followed Wilner's largely unexplained (and yet not inexplicable) dismissal on what we might as well call "the boards" has led to some fairly intriguing stuff, like a revisiting of the impressively durable rumours that Jerry Howarth didn't give a hoot about Mike Wilner (conspicuously unmentioned in Howarth's memoir, I am told), and that Wilner himself returned no hoot (of the many thanked in Wilner's note of farewell, Howarth was not among them), all of which is devastating, as Howarth is Toronto-baseball Mr. Rogers, and previously known only to have it in for Jose Reyes (I liked him!) and J. P. Ricciardi (I really didn't!). 

But by far the most important thing that came out the collective remembrance and reflection surrounding Wilner's dismissal is how, in 2015, people kept calling in to Jays Talk to ask if Jose Bautista was a male witch, as immortalized in a reddit thread titled "People keep calling in to Jays Talk to ask if Jose Bautista is a male witch." There is not much more to it than that, other than that a number of callers from the Cambridge/Kitchener area, seemingly in some manner of (coven-like?) co-ordination, kept calling in to Jays Talk to ask if Jose Bautista was a male witch. And Mike Wilner was not having it. Miraculously, a ten-minute audio compilation of several of these calls survives, and I would like to share them with you at this link. The final moments of the final call are the greatest moments in Blue Jays radio history that feature neither Tom Cheek nor Jerry Howarth. Alas that it seemed not so to Mike Wilner, whom we wish the best in all his future endeavours.     

KS

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Can I Baseball a Feeling?



Hello, friends!

One never knows, does one, when one will have baseball feelings (or indeed Baseball Feelings) visited upon them by some strange confluence of present circumstance and the strange weight of remembrance, but given that eventuality (indeed, that inevitability), it is really pretty good, isn't it, that we still have this nice little blog with Bert Blyleven in a low-key off-colour t-shirt atop it wherein we might, at both the very least and the very most, note them (the feelings). (Blyleven does not seem to be loading "on mobile" and I can't explain it; I am sorry.) Lately, I have been paying much closer attention to this ill-advised and almost certainly wrong baseball season than I would have guessed, and find myself in a surprisingly September Baseball mood, so much so that, in addition to having actual games on with greater regularity than I have in years, I also have a non-actual (and yet so actual) game of Baseball Mogul open presently on the selfsame computer from which I now type to you (hey why didn't the 2001 Blue Jays pick up Sammy Sosa and Roberto Alomar without even giving up all that much? Explain yourself, "Gord Ash.") If you want to get weirded out by the primary world of our experience being folded into and around the subcreation (in Tolkien's "On Fairy Stories" sense [I am not using this correctly]) or second-order world or our imaginings, then I think you'd like it; the 2017 one is free; give it a shot; it's for computers. I used to play a lot of it years ago and ran it with a "baseball card mod" that replaced the generic, logo-wiped player pictures with old baseball cards (be they Topps, Fleer, Upper Deck, Donruss, Score, O-Pee-Chee, and that's it I can't remember any more old baseball card kinds really [Leaf! I had a Ryan Klesko Leaf rookie card that the guy at the store gave me two more packs for! Leaf!] but now I find there is a genuine charm to these objectively charmless images to the extent to which they participate in an æsthetic I have come to think of (just now! you can get it on the ground floor on this one!) as j o s t e n s w æ v e

I mean look:

Yung Doc
Yung Doc (R.I.P.)


this one is also
v l æ d w æ v e

So I haven't changed those and instead wish to inhabit them insofar as I am able. But this is a seductive æsthetic and in time you may have to come for me. When that happens, I hope that I am able to accept your help graciously and gratefully but there is honestly no telling what kind of state I will be in (because of it).  

Another "state" I would like to talk about is the "state" of Blue Jays baseball! (Yessssssssss.) It's a lot of fun! I should begin by saying that I recognize that I am a jerk for even watching, in that I felt actual relief when the federal government decided not to permit Major League Baseball to hold games in Canada this season, given MLB's somewhat lax "well maybe not everyone will get sick necessarily" approach to public health; if it was not super cool for the Blue Jays to play baseball in Toronto this year (and it was not), it is not all of a sudden super cool for the Blue Jays to play baseball so long as it is an hour-and-a-half drive away in Buffalo (in a pretty lovely minor league park [park loveliness will not save you though, man]). And so none of this should be happening: the playing, the viewing, the enjoying. But this is a pretty fun team! Of spirited young men, many of them rather heavyset! Although my personal preference has long run towards slick-fielding speedsters lean as whippets, the lure of the big fat station-to-station slugger is by no means unknown to me. Although no one thing defines these 2020 Toronto Blue Jays, with the exception of comically awful baserunning (which, from a sheer entertainment standpoint, is very much to their credit), heft is a major theme and almost certainly the predominant one (the only other real contender is how fondly I remember everybody's dads). The off-season addition of 류현진 Hyun-jin Ryu (a move willed into being by a single-minded twitter pal of mine), perhaps the Blue Jays' girthmost starter since David Wells, was a bold step in this probably correct direction, but it was Vladimir Guerrero Jr.'s off-season addition (oh ho!) of a whole bunch of extra in the middle (and lower-middle) that cemented it. Lest you think I am in any way body shaming through a thin veil of irony let me assure you I am on the contrary body encouraging with all sincerity: I am here to venerate and embrace every bit of this, and to celebrate the "all bodies are beautiful" nature of baseball as a sport. There are those who have suggested that Vladi Jr. has taken his natural baseball-bod gifts too far in quarantine, and that his current physique is to his detriment, but I am here to say: let's let this play out; let's see where this goes. 

A big change for me and my own experience of baseball is that I am no longer principally "of the radio," despite long maintaining that radio is the medium most decorous with the game itself (this is not an "original" nor necessarily even "good" thought). My circumstances, though, are this: Jerry Howarth, my favourite baseball broadcaster ever (to such an extent that I enjoyed lead-Jerry with Alan Ashby as much or maybe even more than Tom Cheek [may peace be upon him; may Allah be pleased] with Jerry Howarth as his number two) has earned the rest of what we can only hope will be a long and happy retirement (I think I am going to read Jerry Howarth's book! if I do I'll let you know about it, how about?) and what little time I have spent with baseball on the radio since then has not been the same, and I say that with no disrespect intended towards (let me check wikipedia . . .) Ben Wagner, Mike Wilner, Kevin Barker, and Duane Ward, all of whom I am sure are doing a good job. But when you can type "Blue Jays stream" into your phone and three clicks later have an HD feed of the legitimately great Dan Shulman on play-by-play and Buck Martinez on colour, that seems like the thing to do. (Buck Martinez: an actual problem on play-by-play, a true joy on colour; it's so weird.) This is new but I like it! The last few seasons most of my Blue Jays Awareness has come through following the team on twitter, which, since they only really show you the good parts, is a pretty misleading but very cheering way to keep up (after a fashion) with a baseball team that isn't winning many games but which has some players who are neat. But now they're good!

So here we are for some September baseball, the Blue Jays ahead of the Yankees (against whom they have ten games, including the one they are losing right now, in the next few weeks) for second place in the A.L. East, and well-positioned, it would seem, for the strange playoffs we will presumably get to see (should we be spared), and I am really enjoying it. I do think the Blue Jays' powder blue jerseys are excessively mannered, and I say that fully aware of how Angela Carter in her rejection of the term "literary post-modernism" accepted that there was a new mannerism, so don't even start with with me (please). But that is my only real problem with the team these days (the baserunning, which is complex, we've covered). I see from looking at my most recent posts on this blog, and how they are from years and years ago, that we have definitely not spoken since the Blue Jays improbably hired the great Carson Cistulli, formerly of both Fangraphs and the viewless wings of poesy, to a position in analytics or scouting or the intersection of those two things (perhaps of all four of the things just named, maybe; who can say). I wanted to note this truly excellent turn of events through positing two old photos and then a "Rate My Professors" student evaluation from Cistulli's time teaching on contract (I am pretty sure; if am mistaken please correct me [that's how I have taught for more than a decade so this is no diss]) at the University of Massachusetts long ago; here we go:






Which is just devastating.

And that's more or less where I am at with my Baseball Feelings at present. I'm way in: Blue Jays baseball on my phone while I do other things (let's not go nuts), scoreboard watching, Baseball Mogul, Jomboy podcasts and videos (they know so much and are so merry! and yet they are young and so do not recognize Kent Hrbek on sight), searching "川﨑 宗則 Munenori Kawasaki" on youtube and watching all of the results; realizing "my new hat" is like nine years old; just the whole works, man. 

I mentioned earlier that I'd had a look to see what my most recent posts here had been, and I found that there was one from E5's walk-off in 2016, and a bunch before that in 2015. At the end of a 2015 one where it looked (to me at least) like the Blue Jays were not going to get any further than the ALDS with Texas (I was mistaken!), I wrote this:

"But even if this is pretty much it, and the Blue Jays don't even get out of this round (maybe not this weekend, even), I did see people on their break at Sobey's playing catch outside on the grass yesterday, and just totally firing it in there, so this excellent half-summer of everybody (really, it seems like everybody) enjoying baseball here, at least a little, has been really nice, and I look forward to it being really nice again when it happens when I am 58. None of our current cats will be around then, so let's enjoy their company as much as we are able, and also, to a lesser extent, some baseball games."

It made me sad to read this, but once I had, I wanted to close by wishing the best to any and all cats of that era who are with us still, and to ask that we take a moment, if we could, to reflect on the memory of the cats of those days who are no longer around, except in the broadest sense.    

Your pal,

KS

PS Vladi Jr. just hit a two-RBI chopper past the first basemen with the bases loaded and then stole second by a lot: let's let this play out; let's see where this goes . . . 

PPS ten-run inning, Blue Jays 12 Yankees 7. 

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Blue Jays 5, Orioles 2 (F/11): My Cat Peed On My Modem So I Am Using Data And Typing On My Phone And Will Therefore Be Brief

E5ever
This is super dark to even think about now but remember when Edwin Encarnacion was well and truly E5? It had been going on for a while already by the time I heard Keith Law and Eric Karabell (I refuse to check spelling in my present circumstance) talk about it on the old Baseball Today podcast (of which I was fond!). "Do you . . . do you know what they're calling him? Encarnacion? Blue Jays fans? At places like Drunk Jays Fans [editor's note: r.i.p.]? They're calling him 'E5.'" And Eric Karabell was like "That's . . . just brutal." And it was! But we all did it, because of both the unabidableness of the situation and our own manifest unkindness. It had gone way past the point where one could even fault Encarnacion for sailing it into the fucking stands every other game: I was, and remain, confident that he wanted that to happen even less than I wanted that to happen. But they kept running him out there, man.  I don't know, but also definitely do know, that the throw to first tormented his every waking moment and plus haunted his dreams.

But he has long since been freed of that tyranny and we are all the richer for it, and so good.

Why not go, Jays?

Your pal,

KS

Monday, August 8, 2016

NATS (66-45) BETTER THAN GIANTS YESTERDAY

 Tanner Roark's somewhat 
 anonymous, but he has 
 become solid start 

 Melancon got his first save 
 as a Nat; (fuck Papelbon) 

NATS (65-45) WORSE THAN GIANTS TWO DAYS AGO

 Strasburg's sixteenth win 
 did not happen, Giants scrapped 
 together a win 

 might this be playoff preview? 
 I hope Strasburg's loss was not 

NATS (65-44) BETTER THAN GIANTS THREE DAYS AGO

 after achieving 
 rare six-nine plus four-twenty, 
 Gio starts again 

 the Nats Dionysian 
 destiny is sealed; they won 

NATS (64-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS FIVE DAYS AGO

 oh, Max Scherzer? he 
 just struck out eleven dudes 
 over 8 innings 

 also got two-run single, 
 all for six-nine, four-twenty 

NATS (63-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS SIX DAYS AGO

 another ten-run 
 offensive bombardment for 
 6-9, 4.20 

 sixty-nine is sexual, 
 four-twenty is ancestral 

NATS (62-44) BETTER THAN DIAMONDBACKS A WEEK AGO

 in celebration 
 of Gio's magic 6-9 
 4.20, Nats smash 

 14 runs while Strasburg aced 
 type smashing, with Melancon 

NATS (61-44) WORSE THAN GIANTS 8 DAYS AGO

 baseball is magic 
 game of numbers, and magic 
 always shows itself 

 with loss, Gio's 6 and 9, 
 with 4.20 ERA 

NATS (61-43) WORSE THAN GIANTS 9 DAYS AGO

 bullpen gave up four 
 walks, helped fuck this thing up good, 
 but NEVER MIND THAT 

 Nats acquired Mark Melancon - 
 to fix our shitty bullpen 

NATS (61-42) BETTER THAN GIANTS 10 DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 was just his normal top-shelf 
 self over 7 

 but of note is Nats turning 
 first triple play since "the Nats" 

NATS (60-42) BETTER THAN GIANTS 11 DAYS AGO

 hard not to love that 
 Johnny Cueto, but Tanner 
 Roark performed nicely 

 Papelbon tried to blow it, 
 but Dusty relieved him first 

NATS (59-42) BETTER THAN INDIANS 12 DAYS AGO

 aside from Strasborg 
 returning to his ace form, 
 what of Trea Turner? 

 he has become the lead-off 
 hitter the Nats always lacked 

NATS (58-42) WORSE THAN INDIANS 13 DAYS AGO

 Gio with strong start, 
 but the bullpen unravelled, 
 capped by Papelbon 

 he gave up 3 in the 9th; 
 Dusty is playing long con 

NATS (58-41) WORSE THAN PADRES 15 DAYS AGO

 fucking Papelbon 
 gave up 4 runs in the 9th, 
 took another L 

 stupid fucking Papelbon, 
 French for "piece of shit fuckface" 

NATS (58-40) BETTER THAN PADRES 16 DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 was maximal as always, 
 yet Papelbon won 

 stupid fucking Papelbon, 
 French for "locker room cancer" 

NATS (57-40) WORSE THAN PADRES 17 DAYS AGO

 Friday evening 
 home series opener Saint 
 Diego Fathers 

 someone attends ev'ry game 
 and that person is insane 

NATS (57-39) WORSE THAN DODGERS 18 DAYS AGO

 beloved Stephon 
 Strasborg suffers his first 
 loss of this season 

 five runs off two homers by 
 some fuckface Justin Turner 

NATS (57-38) BETTER THAN DODGERS 19 DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 with the first inning dinger 
 (dork phrase for "home run") 

 Gio Gonzalez winning 
 fills my heart with shining joy 

NATS (56-38) WORSE THAN DODGERS 20 DAYS AGO

 when the Dodgers are 
 successful, I think of them 
 as like the Yankees 

 that is, they are evil and 
 I hate all that is "Dodgers" 

NATS (56-37) WORSE THAN PIRATES 22 DAYS AGO

 the guy I work with 
 went to this game, but they left 
 around tenth inning 

 it was hot as fuck; at end 
 of game, nobody was left 

NATS (56-36) BETTER THAN PIRATES 23 DAYS AGO

 scrappy Tanner Roark 
 pitched like a Strasburg, got 
 the shut out win, bruh 

 dude I work with - Pirates fan - 
 went to this game; he was mad 

NATS (55-36) BETTER THAN PIRATES 24 DAYS AGO

 baseball's long slog lost 
 me there for a long minute - 
 return out of guilt 

 Strasburg went 13 and 0 
 on another top-notch start 

Monday, July 11, 2016

NATS (54-36) BETTER THAN METS YESTERDAY

 Gio Gonzalez 
 shaky perhaps, but held his 
 his together well 

 Daniel Murphy home run helps 
 destroy his former team's hopes 

NATS (53-36) BETTER THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 remains pretty amazing, 
 striking out mass fools 

 also Daniel Murphy is 
 pretty swell ball player too 

NATS (52-36) BETTER THAN METS THREE DAYS AGO

 Stephen Strasburg is 
 an unstoppable force of 
 dominant presence 

 (I hope he doesn't break in 
 half before October though) 

NATS (51-36) WORSE THAN METS FOUR DAYS AGO

 the Mets used pitchers 
 with the last names "Bastardo" 
 and "Familia" 

 this comedy helps lighten 
 Luke Giolito's failures 

NATS (51-35) BETTER THAN BREWERS FIVE DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 smashed himself a first inning 
 homer, with two on 

 offense continued smashing 
 enough to keep cushioned lead 

NATS (50-35) WORSE THAN BREWERS SIX DAYS AGO

 another shitty 
 Gio Gonzalez start - this 
 has become common 

 and yet how can you not love 
 scruffy smiling Nat Gio? 

NATS (50-34) WORSE THAN BREWERS SEVEN DAYS AGO

 capital city 
 team called Nationals - 4th of 
 July holiday 

 only thing that can beat us? 
 alcoholism (Brewers) 

NATS (50-33) BETTER THAN REDS EIGHT DAYS AGO

 return of Strasborg 
 of course equals another 
 superlative win 

 11 wins to 0 
 losses - epic beginning 

NATS (49-33) WORSE THAN REDS NINE DAYS AGO

 Joe Ross got hammered, 
 and then the bullpen did too; 
 HOLIDAY WEEKEND! 

 nothing's more American 
 than getting lit with fireworks 

NATS (49-32) BETTER THAN REDS TEN DAYS AGO

 TEN DAYS OF BASEBALL 
 LOST TO WHIRLWIND REAL LIFE SHIT; 
 I wouldn't say "lost" 

 there's reasons this game appeals 
 to statistical dorks - slow 

Friday, July 1, 2016

NATS (48-32) BETTER THAN REDS LAST NIGHT

 Gio still gave up 
 4 runs, but also offense 
 smashed back for 13 

 I love Gio Gonzalez; 
 he has Power of Lounge look 

NATS (47-32) BETTER THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 does not fuck around; went out 
 up by 4 long runs 

 bullpen gave back two (uh oh!) 
 but held on; bitch Mets got swept 

NATS (46-32) BETTER THAN METS THREE DAYS AGO

 "Lucky" Lucas F. 
 Giolito makes first start, 
 appeared competent 

 rain delay ended his day 
 early, but Nats still blanked Mets 

NATS (45-32) BETTER THAN METS FOUR DAYS AGO

 a thorough crushing 
 of divisional rival 
 Metropolitans 

 Daniel Murphy dominates 
 all realms of this sport of dorks 

Monday, June 27, 2016

NATS (44-32) BETTER THAN BREWERS YESTERDAY

 scrappy ass Tanner 
 Roark breaks the losing streak (though
 bullpen tried to lose) 

 of more concern is Strasburg 
 (undefeated) missed two starts 

NATS (43-32) WORSE THAN BREWERS TWO DAYS AGO

 Gio been looking 
 shakier than fuck lately; 
 road struggles tripping 

 seven losses in a row; 
 luckily, Mets also suck 

NATS (43-31) WORSE THAN BREWERS THREE DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 strong with the strikeouts, but weak 
 with allowing runs 

 where the fuck is Bryce Harper, 
 the dominating presence? 

Friday, June 24, 2016

NATS (43-30) WORSE THAN DODGERS TWO DAYS AGO

 suffering series 
 sweep against Los Angeles - 
 5-game losing streak 

 one more series before this 
 road trip is done - the Brewers 

NATS (43-29) WORSE THAN DODGERS THREE DAYS AGO

 Tanner Roark really 
 solid, but three-run homer 
 in 8th ruined it 

 maybe consider pulling 
 them pitchers quicker, Dusty 

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

NATS (43-28) WORSE THAN DODGERS LAST NIGHT

 "Clayton Kershaw" pure 
 baseball name pitched pure baseball 
 game, got a pure win 

 the ethnic implications 
 of "pure" purely intended 

Monday, June 20, 2016

NATS (43-27) WORSE THAN PADRES YESTERDAY

 holy fuck, Gio 
 Gonzalez got rocked again; 
 fuck it though, just June 

 some starting pitchers are bound 
 to ride through summer doldrums 

NATS (43-26) WORSE THAN PADRES TWO DAYS AGO

 bullpen totally 
 fucked this one up, giving up 
 six runs in the 8th 

 Felipe Rivero looks 
 like shit, total complete shit 

NATS (43-25) BETTER THAN PADRES THREE DAYS AGO

 apparently, Joe 
 Ross was originally 
 a Padre player 

 thus, perhaps Joe Ross avenged 
 an earlier career slight 

NATS (42-25) BETTER THAN PADRES FOUR DAYS AGO

 Ultimate Harper 
 got a homer; remember 
 when he was smashing? 

 now a Bryce Harper homer 
 seems rare, yet they stay winning 

NATS (41-25) BETTER THAN CUBS FIVE DAYS AGO

 12-inning pitchers' 
 duel, won by walk-off hit by 
 caveman Jayson Werth 

 post-game interview - he cursed, 
 which dork fans thought was edgy 

NATS (40-25) WORSE THAN CUBS SIX DAYS AGO

 Gio Gonzalez 
 looked shaky (in retrospect... 
 just googled that shit) 

 daily baseball blogging seems 
 like seventh level of hell 

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Monday, June 13, 2016

NATS (39-24) BETTER THAN PHILLIES YESTERDAY

 Jonny Papelbon 
 got the win, but nearly fucked 
 this up completely 

 Jonathon Papelbon is 
 a wretched human being 

NATS (38-24) BETTER THAN PHILLIES TWO DAYS AGO

 Saturday afternoon 
 crushage of pseudo-rivals 
 from same division 

 "it's not a rivalry if 
 one team always wins" rings true 

NATS (37-24) BETTER THAN PHILLIES THREE DAYS AGO

 though he gave up four 
 runs early, Strasborg battled 
 and scrapped out a win 

 retired the last 14 he 
 faced, in fact - dominated 

NATS (36-24) WORSE THAN WHITE SOX FOUR DAYS AGO

 Vince McMahon hates 
 to book interleague sweeps - it's 
 not good for bizness 

 Nats drop boring, flyaway 
 game before returning home 

NATS (36-23) BETTER THAN WHITE SOX FIVE DAYS AGO

 daily baseball blog 
 'bout as dumb an idea 
 as daily baseball 

 nonetheless, Nats fucked up James 
 Shields, like straight fucked his ass up 

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

NATS (35-23) BETTER THAN WHITE SOX LAST NIGHT

 inter-league game, so 
 DH in effect; what if 
 pitcher could hit good? 

 what if they used the DH 
 position for non-pitcher? 

Monday, June 6, 2016

NATS (34-23) BETTER THAN REDS YESTERDAY

 Sunday afternoon 
 baseball - Great American 
 Ball Park - USA 

 "let's have 10 to 9 barrage 
 of ridiculous offense!" 

NATS (33-23) WORSE THAN REDS TWO DAYS AGO

 Strasborg good but not 
 enough to win; Nats did score 
 enough he ain't lose 

 team lost, but Strasborg remains 
 undefeated on the year 

NATS (33-22) WORSE THAN REDS THREE DAYS AGO

 tough game for Gio; 
 Dusty Baker returns to 
 place he burned bridges 

 if a boy fell onto field, 
 would they shoot Joey Votto? 

NATS (33-21) BETTER THAN PHILLIES FIVE DAYS AGO

 emailed a finance 
 dude who's Phillies fan at work 
 picture of a broom 

 this was the whitest moment 
 of my whole life, easily 

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

NATS (32-21) BETTER THAN PHILLIES LAST NIGHT

 Murphy remains hot 
 even with young Bryce Harper 
 having the night off 

 Joe Ross done won two straight now, 
 over that nasty blister 

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

NATS (31-21) BETTER THAN PHILLIES YESTERDAY

 the fear of Harper 
 has given Daniel Murphy 
 chance to fucking shine 

 he's literally cleaning 
 up at the plate - winning, bro 

NATS (30-21) BETTER THAN CARDINALS TWO DAYS AGO

 bionic Strasborg 
 now 9-0 this season; 
 Cardinals crushage! 

 which will last longer - Dusty's 
 orders or Strasborg's elbow? 

NATS (29-21) WORSE THAN CARDINALS THREE DAYS AGO

 let's be real - there are 
 too many damned baseball games 
 in normal season 

 ultimately, all this shit 
 is meaningless when you're dead 

Saturday, May 28, 2016

NATS (29-20) WORSE THAN CARDINALS TONIGHT

 fuckin' Max Scherzer 
 got waxed in the 3rd inning, 
 pretty much game done 

 dumbass people can turn hats 
 inside out - it don't matter 

Friday, May 27, 2016

NATS (29-19) BETTER THAN CARDINALS

 Harper's been somewhat 
 homerless, but crushed third-deck 
 bomb sans batting gloves 

 youthful precocious swagger 
 helped kill bastard Cardinals 

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

NATS (28-19) WORSE THAN METS EARLIER TODAY

 early afternoon 
 game early enough could've 
 watched at work online 

 but I forgot plus work was 
 worklike and shit; plus, Nats lost 

NATS (28-18) BETTER THAN METS LAST NIGHT

 interesting stat - 
 since June 23rd last 
 year, when Strasborg starts...

 Nats are 21 and 2; 
 that's solid as fucking fuck 

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Monday, May 23, 2016

NATS (27-17) BETTER THAN MARLINS YESTERDAY

 by time Maximum 
 Scherzer gave up two runs in 
 7th, was up 6 

 Harper/Murphy as meat of 
 batting order could get wild 

NATS (26-17) WORSE THAN MARLINS TWO DAYS AGO

 post-finger blister 
 Joe Ross remains a "loss" cause - 
 eating innings though!

 ahh - stupid fucking baseball, 
 having people eat innings 

NATS (26-16) BETTER THAN MARLINS THREE DAYS AGO

 trip to Miami's 
 stadium monstrosity, 
 "psychedelic" place 

 baseball psychedelic's false, 
 always, unless Dock Ellis 

Friday, May 20, 2016

NATS (25-16) BETTER THAN METS LAST NIGHT

 at quarter mark - a 
 dominant performance at 
 division rival 

 these are the games which compose 
 great seasons, but we need more 

Thursday, May 19, 2016

NATS (24-16) BETTER THAN METS LAST NIGHT

 Gio Gonzales 
 has grown lustrous shaggy mop - 
 perfect pitcher's hair 

 Bartolo Colon is what... 
 a thousand years old? Nats win! 

NATS (23-16) WORSE THAN METS TWO DAYS AGO

 Maximum Scherzer 
 outdueled in divisional 
 rival pitching duel 

 if I've not mentioned how much 
 I hate the Mets - I hate them 

NATS (23-15) WORSE THAN MARLINS FOUR DAYS AGO

 how the fuck is Nats 
 gonna split home series in 
 half with damn Marlins? 

 I know it's a marathon 
 not a sprint, but I don't know