Clearly The Best All-Star Game Of Our Age

well isn't this just a hell of a thing

After much crying on the Internet regarding no-good Giants fans and their Silicon Valley computers (said with a sneer and followed by spitting upon the ground, to rinse the mouth of such unclean, perverse words), the four Giants starters (for there were four) did totally, and without remorse, wreck fucking shop. Melky Cabrera recorded the first hit of the game off a Justin Verlander who -- while not on top of his game -- was hurling absolute fire (as he tends to do). Buster Posey got a four-pitch walk off the fella and then Pablo Sandoval -- a guy who swings at the rosin bag behind the mound on the best of days -- hit the first bases-loaded triple in All-Star Game history. In history! The All-Star Game has been around a long time, my dudes, so that is truly something. And then Matt "Not R.A. Dickey" Cain pitched two scoreless innings that would have been two PERFECT innings (fitting for a man who recently threw a game that -- it could be said -- was perfect), had not Derek Jeter beaten out an infield single that Pablo only kind of misplayed.

Oh yeah, and then Melky hit a two-run dinger later to make it 8-0 National League and won the g-dang All-Star Game MVP award (pictured above). It was a hell of a game. I thought that last year's All-Star Game was the second-best All-Star Game I had ever seen (the first being that rad ASG where Bo Jackson hit a home run like a billion feet onto tarped-off batter's-eye seats), but this one shot right past both of them with righteous indignation and the NL once again absolutely obliterating things and insuring the Texas Rangers will lack home field advantage for an unprecedented third straight year in the Fall Classic. 

Midway through the season, it has been an amazing season of the highest highs and lowest lows. The Giants curl up and poop themselves when confronted with an over-.500 team (with the exception of the Dodgers, which is a great thing), Tim Lincecum has turned into a sub-Jonathan Sanchez horror show, and Emmanuel Burriss is always in danger of being inserted into a game. BUT at the same time, the Giants are only a half-game out of first place in the West, there is an extra Wild Card slot this year, MATT CAIN, Ryan Vogelsong and Madison Bumgarner are all putting on Cy Young-worthy performances, and Barry Zito has been better than expected. Aubrey Huff and Brett Pill spontaneously combusted, leaving Brandon Belt the starting first baseman between three and four out of every five games played, and the outfield of Melky, Angel Pagan and Gregor Blanco has been one of the very best outfields in baseball.

It will be quite a ride the rest of the way, but if literally nothing else, we shall have MATT CAIN, and we shall have this All-Star Game. The day when a band of Giants got together and invited the world to kiss all around their butt areas. Happy birthday (week) to me.