un repertoire des termes de baseball en français, s'il vous plaît

Youppi: a uniter, not a divider.  

In a previous post I carried on about O-Pee-Chee baseball cards, and how the inclusion of French write-ups on the back made them vastly superior to their Topps counterparts in every conceivable way.  In that post, I linked to a handy glossary of French baseball terminology, which I know present to you UNABRIDGED below.  It's from Baseball Reference, and you can see both it and some related information at this address, but we're already all here, so let's just do this.

I am a French-language enthusiast.  I did a lot of my schooling in French and took a grad seminar in structuralist theory from a guy from the islands of Saint-Pierre and Miquelon, which was, like, supernaturally French. It was bananas.  I have a probably annoying tendency to throw French vocabulary into otherwise completely un-French sentences, not in the interest of, say, learned classiness (the language carries with it no such connotation in Canada, really) but rather in the interest of lolz.  Perhaps in tribute to the infamously incomprehensible franglais of my youth in Moncton, or whatever? Not really. I honestly feel like learning at least a little French is a kind of civic duty for English-speaking Canadians, and unless you just got here or are really, really old, shame on you if you can't mangle at least a bit of it.

But on the subject of baseball French, it's just that I miss it.  Obviously it didn't go anywhere, in the sense that it is still the grassroots language of the game in Quebec, and possibly of people's Acadian dads.  But now that the Expos are gone, you don't hear it or read it like you used to, which is too bad.  That the Expos games were broadcast nationally in French on Radio-Canada when I was small was a big part of the impression that I had that the NL and the AL weren't just different leagues, but kind of strange parallel universes.  And they were, sort of, and it's not just the DH: there were completely separate league offices, umpires, even strike zones.  Remember that?  How the high strike didn't exist at all in the NL like it did in the AL?  

Anyway.  When I was a kid the NL seemed like the mirror universe where Spock had a beard and everything was in French.  Actually did Spock's beard maybe make him look a little French?

Ce n'est pas logique.

Not really?  Either way, here are baseball terms in French.  Some of these are really, really awesome.             

KS

*****

Basics

Baseball - le baseball; the term la balle au camp (i.e. field ball) was also used until the 1950's.

Ball - la balle

Field - le terrain

Dugout - l'abris des joueurs (masc)

Foul line - la ligne de démarcation

Mound - le monticule

Batter's box - le rectangle des frappeurs

On-deck circle - le cercle d'attente

Bullpen - l'enclos des releveurs (masc)

Base - le but

First Base, Second Base, Third Base - le premier but, le deuxième but, le troisième but

Home plate - le marbre

Infield - l'avant-champ (masc)

Outfield - le champ extérieur

Warning track - la piste d'avertissement

Fence - la clôture or la rampe

Fair territory, Foul territory - le territoire des balles en jeu, le territoire des balles fausses

Player - le joueur

Manager - le gérant

Coach - l'instructeur (masc)

Umpire - l'arbitre (masc)

Inning - la manche

(Batting) Line-up - l'ordre des frappeurs (masc)

Roster - la formation

Positions

Pitcher - le lanceur

Catcher - le receveur

First baseman - le premier-but

Second baseman - le deuxième-but

Third baseman - le troisième-but

Shortstop - l'arrêt-court (masc)

Left fielder, Center fielder, Right fielder - le voltigeur de gauche, le voltigeur de centre, le voltigeur de droite

Outfielder - le voltigeur

Designated hitter - le frappeur désigné or le frappeur de choix

Pinch hitter - le frappeur d'urgence

Pinch runner - le coureur suppléant

Defensive substitute - le remplaçant défensif or le substitut défensif

Pitching

Starting pitcher - le lanceur partant

Relief pitcher - le lanceur de relève or le releveur

Strike, Strikeout - la prise, le retrait sur des prises

Ball, Base on balls, Intentional walk - la balle, le but sur balles, le but sur balles intentionnel

Wild pitch - le mauvais lancer

Passed ball - la balle passée

Balk - la feinte illégale

Pitch - le lancer

Fastball - la balle rapide

Curve ball - la balle courbe

Slider - la balle glissante

Sinker - la balle tombante

Forkball - la balle fronde

Screwball - la balle tire-bouchon

Change-up - le changement de vitesse

Knuckleball - la balle papillon

Breaking ball - la balle à effet or la balle cassante

No-hitter - le match sans point ni coup sûr

Perfect game - la partie parfaite

Hitting

Batter - le frappeur

Bat - le bâton

Hit - le coup sûr

Single, Double, Triple, Home Run - le simple, le double, le triple, le coup de circuit

Grand slam - le grand chelem

Foul ball - la fausse balle

Full count - le compte complet

Hit by pitch - atteint par un lancer (used as an adjective)

Bunt - l'amorti (masc)

Sacrifice bunt, Sacrifice fly - l'amorti sacrifice (masc), le ballon sacrifice

Baserunning

Baserunner - le coureur

Stolen base, Double steal - le but volé, le double vol

Caught stealing - le retrait en tentative de vol

Run - le point

(Runner) Left on base - (le coureur) laissé sur les buts

Interference - l'interférence (fem)

Obstruction - l'obstruction (fem)

Fielding

Error - l'erreur (fem)

Out - le retrait

Fly ball - le ballon

Pop-up - la chandelle

Line drive - la flèche

Ground ball - le roulant

Fielder's choice - l'optionnel (masc)

Double play, Triple play - le double-jeu, le triple-jeu

Statistics

Batting average- la moyenne au bâton

Slugging percentage - la moyenne de puissance

On-base percentage - la moyenne de présence sur les buts

At bat - la présence au bâton

Run scored - le point marqué

Run Batted In - le point produit

Earned Run Average - la moyenne de points mérités

Complete game - la partie complète

Win - la victoire

Loss - la défaite

Save - la victoire protégée

Blown Save - le sabotage

Inning Pitched - la manche lancée

Shutout - le blanchissage

Other terms

Double header - le programme double

Disabled list - la liste des blessés

Re: Mickey Mantle

Guys, I think he deserves his card in every Topps set from now until the end of time. And I HATE the Yankees.
~Eamonn

Red Sox sign softball player who, tragically, isn't me

I love his "lol well I guess" expression here

The Boston Red Sox have signed a softball player from a Commonwealth country, and to my surprise and disappointment, it wasn't me.  Instead, it's Beau Bishop, a catcher from New Zealand. You can read more about it here.  This is outrageously weird, but also tremendous for at least three reasons, and probably more.  

First off, I have a lot of time for New Zealanders.  Believe me when I tell you that I have had mixed experiences with Australians (don't get me started), but so far literally every New Zealander I have met has been awesome.  Flight of the Conchords isn't wrong about New Zealanders. Or about Australians. Or about anything, actually.

Secondly, softball players everywhere will be cheered and inspired by this news, which is important, and then they'll realize we're not talking slow pitch here, and then they will be sad, which will be funny.  

Third, and finally, this is I suppose the logical next step after the Giambis: instead of going after dudes who kind of seem to be particularly gifted softball players, you go after players who actually are particularly gifted softball players.  Is it a new market ineffeciency?  

Actually this is as good a time as any to reveal to you all that I have in fact discovered through research and quantitative analysis the new market inefficiency that is about to be exploited by all forward-thinking baseball executives.  It is feelings. 


KS

Tyrus Raymond Cobb

"During Cobb's career, he was involved in numerous fights, both on and off the field, and several profanity-laced shouting matches. For example, Cobb and umpire Billy Evans arranged to settle their in-game differences through fisticuffs, to be conducted under the grandstand after the game. Members of both teams were spectators, and broke up the scuffle after Cobb had knocked Evans down, pinned him, and began choking him. Cobb once slapped a black elevator operator for being "uppity." When a black night watchman intervened, Cobb pulled out a knife and stabbed him. The matter was later settled out of court.

"Sure, I fought," said an unrepentant Cobb in a revealing quote. "I had to fight all my life just to survive. They were all against me. Tried every dirty trick to cut me down, but I beat the bastards and left them in the ditch." - Wikipedia entry on Ty Cobb

Proposed Stadiums of the Past

The great thing about architectural firms is they make like a ton of money just to imagineer shit before anything is done, so they have a whole slew of Mike Bradys sitting around making models on computers, out of Fimo clay, on drawering papers, every which way possible to dazzle and delight the eventual builders (usually govt. officials allegedly acting on behalf of the local citizenry) into taking their offer and gitting her done, so to speak. Well here is a website with a collection of such undeveloped proposed developments.
For example, look at what a wonderful, happy experience the New Fenway was going to be! It's almost as if they forgot it was going in Boston, around Bostonians. That place would smell like piss and hate any black guy who couldn't hit home runs by the time the fifth row of bricks was laid, at overpriced union labor most likely.

And scope out what they would've done to the Mets stadium had NYC gotten the 2012 Olympics. Knocked the left field wall out, extended the stadium to Olympic size, turned the parking lot into a stretching area, and then undone it all after the Olympics. And paid the Mets off in the process.

Below is what would have been had the Oakland Athletics become the Fremont Athletics. You see that guy mid-lower right in the giant colored cowboy hat? That would be early on in Fremont's ownership of the A's, with a Raiders Black Hole type guy not yet finding his way through this new sub-urban green and yellow green and yellow green and yellow AIGHT way of things. He will find his way, mostly because he is standing up now to get three more beers. By the end of the game he will be fighting security guards over an altercation with a overly homosexual tiny black dude pretzel salesman.

And my favorite is the proposed MLB stadium upgrade for Norfolk, Virginia. There is a AAA team there, and watching baseball in Norfolk is one of my favorite spots to see it, especially because I'm one of those contrarians that is all like, "Minor League ball no millionaires fans can get autographs more like old timey America when we cranked up our cars literally and women had sex when and where you wanted it and if they didn't, they were sluts and you would send them off to a home run by the state and find you a new younger model, just like cars, and we ate for real appley pies not pre-manufactured ones in boxes at Wal-Marts made by Chinamen with malevolence in their hearts. There was no DH, no $10 beer, and no dumbass like Brian Williams because he would get chloroformed at night and wake up on a Thai freight ship to work for the next six months, to try and learn that stupid shit out of him, or at least get it off our sacred soil!" Virginia will never get a baseball team, which is fine because now I have the Nationals, to constantly give me hope and then have it crashed in tragedy.

Eat Shit, Hitler: The Hank Greenberg Story

Not pictured: Hitler eating shit, but reports suggest he did.

There is much to be said for Hank Greenberg -- chiefly, that he owned -- and the place to hear it said is The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg, which you can and should watch on Netflix.  The synopsis: Hank Greenberg found it not entirely awesome to be a Jew in Detroit in the 1930s; Hank Greenberg hit a ton of home runs; Hank Greenberg went to war; Hank Greenberg came back and hit a ton of home runs.  Then, because baseball owners have always been crooked, he ended up in Pittsburgh, which is when Bing Crosby and Groucho Marx recorded this.


As a GM he put together a World Series winning team in Cleveland, which science has proven to be all but an impossible in the decades since.  He testified at Flood v. Kuhn that the reserve clause hurt players and should be struck down.  Hank Greenberg continued to be awesome until his death at the age of 75 in 1986.       


Eat shit, Hitler.  


KS

The Pirates, or "I swear, baby, it'll be different this time"

The gentleman pictured above is Ross Ohlendorf, and it's presumed he'll be part of the Pirates starting rotation this year just like he was last year. His ERA of 4.07 wasn't too bad, all things considered. His win-loss record? 1-11. That's right, when everyone was marveling at how bad Charlie Morton self destructed it turned out he didn't have the worst record among starting pitchers. Of course that's because he managed to go 2-12, so we're looking at going into 2011 with 2/5ths of the rotation supplying a whole 3 fucking wins last season. WE'RE GONNA BREAK THE STREAK, BABY!

But there's something odd going on around town. People are really getting into the Pirates. Last weekend they had their annual PirateFest convention which is basically where you walk around playing shitty carnival type games to win swag that didn't get given away at games plus you get to meet Pirates players. This year set an all time record with nearly 17,000 people attending the 3 day weekend. I didn't even get a chance to get an autograph from my main main Andrew McCutchen since the line for him was well over an hour and a half wait.

Why is this happening, when at first glance there's not really much different than the team that yet again lost 100+ games in 2010? Well a few key things actually. First, they fired John Russell, who I'm pretty sure was the baseball equivalent of Weekend At Bernie's. His complete lack of energy became a running gag to the point any time he left the dugout to argue a call (which rarely happened) was met with sarcastic cheers from a crowd shocked he actually was awake during a game. Clint Hurdle seems like he actually wants to manage this team, and he's not completely unfamiliar with the task of trying to turn around a team stuck in the doldrums. The second reason may not seem as clear to anyone who doesn't closely follow the team. There's actually some decent players on the horizon from within the system. Yeah, we have Cutch, Walker, Pedro, and Jose "what do you mean my wife is 40+ and crazy?" Tabata on the roster already, but there's quite a few guys tearing up the minors who should be arriving in a year or two. Sure, minor league dudes don't always pan out but if even half do it would mark a stark improvement over what the team has now.

You may think it's a sign of mental instability to be a fan of a team like the Pirates, and on some level it's hard to argue that. We've been lucky in this town to have two other franchises that are at least contenders for championships every year, and usually make a strong run at that. Then you look at baseball and see a team that is very much Steve Blass Disease: The Team. A once proud franchise that won three World Series in a 20 year period while contending for several others now hasn't even been able to have a winning season in 18 years. It's been pointed out that there is an entire generation of people in this town who have no memory of winning baseball. Hockey, which was once a distant third here after football and baseball, is now a stromg #2 and baseball is seen as struggling to maintain relevant.

But some of us remember. MLB Network aired the presumed-lost film of Game 7 of the 1960 World Series not too long ago. Watching the Pirates hit a game winning homer to win a championship....beating the Yankees no less.... made me jump out of my chair, even though the game happened 50 years ago and it was hardly a surprise. A few months prior, they showed the clinching game in the 1979 series as well. Even though there was a lot to be embarrassed about (the pajama-looking yellow uniforms, everyone sporting Afros and porn staches, Baltimore not even trying to remove the football lines from Memorial Stadium), there was that feeling again watching the Pirates...my team...winning a championship.

One day, it will happen again. May not be for 5 years. Or 10. One day, we're going to see winning baseball again here, and you know what? It'll make all the losing seem like it was just a minor rough patch.

Baseball, man. Just baseball.

On the topic of Michael Young

So, in a case of dumb shit amplified by more dumb shit, Michael Young has demanded a trade because... the team was listening to trade offers for him and saying they weren't trying to trade him. If that sounds like bullshit, that's because it probably is.



Michael "Roger Dorn" Young still wants to play the field, despite the fact that he is absolutely terrible at it, and is butt hurt that the Rangers are trying to get better, in spite of his leadership and slap hitting skillz. How dare they pay him $16 fucking million a season for his sub-.700 OPS and dare ask him to not "play" third base anymore. Then, when they acquire Napoli who dares to play first base, one of the positions Young would be asked to suck at on a replacement status, and also hits lefties a lot better than the Statue... oh shit, you DID NOT JUST DISRESPECT THE FACE OF THE FRANCHISE LIKE THAT TEXAS RANGERS FRONT OFFICE. HOW DARE YOU!?


By the time you read this, Douche Face and his crotch adjustments might have been traded. Good riddance, Young. Truthfully, Young might do 50 million things good for the community, but this is strike three for me. He is dead to me. Strike one was when he and his sycophant, Evan Grant, who I actually enjoy reading when he's not pontificating on the greatness of Face, got CJ Wilson kicked off the Rangers blog I read for calling other MLBers douches. Boy, he was right on there! Strike two was two years ago, when he publicly bitched and whined about being moved off short for someone who can actually play the position. Then, weeks after demanding a trade, he realized no team was fucking stupid enough to take on his insane contract and he very privately withdrew the request, only to then be considered a "team player" for moving.


May he rot in hell.

Separated at Birth?

and

Bruce Bochte was a weird dude. He always had his mouth open and he was just kinda like just there. He made an All Star team once and was always a steady if unspectacular performer. He was a decent bench player who eventually got Wally Pipp'ed by a tall skinny ginger bean pole named Mark McGwire.

Cabrera Is Well Worth The $106 Million For Five Years If He Stays Sober And Thin

"Cabrera is well worth the $106 million for five years if he stays sober and thin . . ." - Jeff Passan, Yahoo Sports

Cabrera is well worth the $106 million for five years if he stays sober and thin

Cabrera is well worth the $106 million for five years if he stays sober and thin

Cabrera is well worth the $106 million for five years if he stays sober and thin

CABRERA IS WELL WORTH THE $106 MILLION FOR FIVE YEARS IF HE STAYS SOBER AND THIN

CABRERA IS WELL WORTH THE $106 MILLION FOR FIVE YEARS IF HE STAYS SOBER AND THIN

CABRERA IS WELL WORTH THE $106 MILLION FOR FIVE YEARS IF HE STAYS SOBER AND THIN

CABRERA IS WELL WORTH THE $106 MILLION FOR FIVE YEARS IF HE STAYS SOBER AND THIN

CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!

Actually they didn't, because there isn't any baseball right now, because it is winter, as you can clearly see from the above photograph of the recently vandalized Harry Caray statue outside Wrigley Field.  Here's the very brief story, which suggests -- quite rightly, I think -- that "[t]he graffiti said 'Sox' and a second, illegible word."  Police are so far unwilling or unable to confirm the rumour that Ozzie Guillen is being held for questioning, in part because I just started it now and also because I haven't asked them.  


KS

I have heard that some people don't really like Alex Rodriguez

But what's not to like? 

KS

Mike Armstrong. Pitcher. Royals.

Mike Armstrong pitched for the University of Miami.  Mike Armstrong was drafted by the Cincinnati  Reds.  Mike Armstrong was traded for Paul O'Neil. Mike Armstrong was the winning pitcher in the pine tar game.  But what interests me most about Mike Armstrong is his 1983 Topps baseball card. Because it is insane.


KS

The Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum: Smells Like Pee, But It's Home To Me

As I was doing a Google image search for "Oakland Coliseum" I couldn't help but look at each picture that came up and say EH, THAT ONE LOOKS KINDA UGLY. About a half hour later I came to the realization that literally every picture of the Coli was, well, ugly. It is an old, run down building with narrow concourses, limited concessions, bathrooms that a homeless man would be hesitant to piss in and pretty much nothing in the way of modern amenities. Oh, and it's in a really sketchy part of a town known for it's epic sketchiness. And that is precisely why I love it so much. I have been going to games there since I was 4, and I have had so many major life moments happen there that it is forever a part of me as a person. The first baseball game I attended was in '81, and all I remember was being surrounded by people smoking all game long and wanting to go home. That's pretty much what all 4 year olds think of baseball. Since that day I have attended somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 games stretched out over close to 30 years. I have seen them all. Rickey. Armas. Murphy. Kingman. Steinbach. Canseco. McGwire. Stewart. Lansford. Giambi. Chavez. Tejada. From Billyball all the way through Moneyball, I have been lucky enough to watch my favorite team while having to travel a little over an hour each way.

The Coliseum is very much a sacred place to me, and that doesn't even cover the Raider games I have attended over the years. The parking lots are filled with Porta-Potties, which often times are the only functioning bathroom facilities in the entire place. The mens rooms feature the ever-so-classy porcelain urinal troughs and haven't had the paper towels or hand soap restocked since the Reagan administration. Actually, come to think of it, that's the last time I actually used the mens room there. I have a cast iron bladder and I do all my beverage consumption before the game, so I usually hit up the aforementioned Porta-Potties post-game. The mens rooms may very well have undergone a renovation of sorts since then, but I really doubt it. Where was I? Ah, the Coliseum has a sort of urban grittiness to it that, while not pleasing to the eye, gives the customer a true sense of the amount of history that has gone down there. For example, murals like this can be found at the 4 entrances.

For all of her faults, the Coli has some character. Unfortunately, character and historical significance mean precisely dick in terms of ticket sales and free agent allure. It lacks the timelessness of Fenway. It doesn't have the hitter friendly dimensions of the new cookie cutter parks and it has a ton of foul territory, so when you're a team already working with a shoe string budget it makes it nearly impossible to get big bats to willingly come here. The harsh reality is that for the A's to be able to be to achieve long term success where they can develop and actually keep their young talent while also bringing in free agents and playing in front of more than 2,000 fans, well, the Coli is going to have be left behind. It's a shame, but it's the truth.

The sad thing is that this new park in all likelihood won't be in Oakland. We've already seen poseurs like Fremont make failed attempts at building the A's a new yard, and Sacramento is somehow always getting thrown in the conversation despite the fact that getting sports facilities built here is impossible. Just ask the Kings. Don't get me wrong, I'd love nothing more than to get off work at 5 and be able to go home, shower, eat dinner and be able to leave by 6:30 and still make a 7:05 opening pitch, but they've been teasing us with baseball coming here to my hometown since I was 6 and the best we can get is the A's AAA team (whose ballpark is AMAZING). And that's in West Sacramento, which is another city entirely. There have been many suitors for the A's, but no one has ever stuck a shovel in the ground. The new name being tossed about is San Jose. This would more than double my drive time both ways, but would be interesting in that it's a city with a lot of corporate infrastructure to sell the luxury suites to and there would be no shortage of potential advertisers. Unfortunately, the Giants have territorial rights to the city and have shown no interest in being flexible on the matter. So that leaves the A's right where they are. Eventually Bud Selig is going to be forced to do something, and as long as the A's stay in Nor Cal I'll be happy. I haven't given any thought to them going down south because it probably isn't a feasible option, but I have often wondered how or even IF I'd be able to root for them if they moved out of state. It's hard to say, and I hope it's a bridge I never have to cross. It's just a shame that some day in the not-too-distant-future, baseball will no longer be played in a facility that has become almost like a family member to me.

So many dingers. And yet such horrors.

In which "0" is league average, and in which I am truly awed.

Beyond the Box Score has compiled a list of the worst 30-HR seasons of all time, and by all means head over there to see the whole article, but the above infographic is really the heart of it.  And, I mean, holy cow.  To hit thirty home runs and somehow be, on the whole, a below-average hitter is an epic feat; it's only happened twenty-five times in the history of major league baseball. A couple of these, I definitely would have guessed: Dave Kingman is the archetypal HR/K guy, at least in my mind, and it's no secret that Joe Carter (who doesn't owe me a damn thing) had some pretty shabby years despite HR and RBI totals that impressed you before you knew anything.  And yeah, I probably would have guessed Tony Batista, too, actually, but I never would have guessed that he was responsible for not only the worst +30-HR season ever, but the only below average +40-HR season in baseball history.  I never would guessed that because how is that even possible?

It's also worth noting that Jose Cruz Jr.'s appearance on the list comes in the same season as Batista's 41-HR nightmare campaign.  So that's two Blue Jays with a combined 72 HR, and below-average offensive value between them.  That's unreal.  


The obvious flip-side to surprisingly worthless +30-HR years -- that is, the very best no-homer seasons -- is explored today at FanGraphs.  It's awesome, too.  Matt Klaassen explains that he had totally intended to do the kind of study Beyond the Box Score did, but got scooped, and so went in the other direction.  Look at this, though, where he explains the motivation behind his original plan: "It was inspired by the 2010 efforts of the Toronto Blue Jays’ Aaron Hill and Adam Lind (each of whom managed a wRC+ below 90 while hitting more than 20 homers)."  The Blue Jays are all over this; what is going on here? I think the 2010 Blue Jays really do deserve some kind of special recognition for hitting a ton of home runs yet scoring basically no runs at all.  Of all the ways to have a bad offense, hitting a ton of solo home runs and really nothing else is far from the worst, though, so I tried not to complain. 


KS

You know who my problem was never with? Chris Woodward.

Easily the best Chris Woodward action shot available on the web.  Easily..

I've watched a lot of shitty baseball in my day, and Chris Woodward was the starting shortstop for a good part of it.  But you know what, I never had a problem with Chris Woodward.  He wasn't, like, astounding in the field, but he was slick enough that you never worried.  Never really hit for much average or showed any real power except for the night he hit three home runs against Seattle.  Strangely, I wasn't there that night.  It was only the third game I'd missed in 2002, and I was sorry I missed it, not just because of Woodward's homers but the four others that night, and Jose Cruz Jr. throwing out two base-runners, including Ichiro at the plate (imagine that!).  But my records indicate that my softball team won by twenty-seven runs that night, so I probably made the right call. My records also indicate that I write a lot of things down and never throw anything away.  


In his post-Blue Jay era, Woodward has bounced around, among Baseball Feelings teams and others: the Mets, Braves, Yankees, Phillies, Brewers, Mariners, Red Sox, and the Mariners again.  He's spent good chunks of time in the high minors, too: add up his last five years, and you've got just about one full season worth of big league appearances.  But he was a 54th round draft pick in 1994 and was still working his way into major league lineups in 2010.  So good for him.  Long may he run.  My problem was never with Chris Woodward.  


KS

I will require the thirteen following t-shirts

Is it wrong to wax a t-shirt?

When I woke up this morning, I didn't even know retro baseball t-shirts with facial-hair-emphatic silhouettes existed, if you can believe that.  But before I go to sleep tonight I'm going to need, like, pretty well all of them.  You can see them all here.  The Rollie Fingers (above) is pretty tight, but the Mike Schmidt, Randy Johnson, and Ozzie Smith are probably even better.  What I wouldn't give for a Dave Stieb . . . 


KS

R.I.P. Rob Neyer

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes to hours?

I'll get this out of the way up front: Rob Neyer isn't actually dead or anything.  But until earlier this week, he wrote for espn.com, where he'd been since 1996, and now that's over, and I'll probably never really read him again.  He's at SB Nation now, which, I mean, there are a couple of SB Nation sites I go to pretty well on the reg, but there's no point going there for baseball even with Neyer now, is there?  I am open to correction on this point.  But consider what little SB Nation has to offer a man in my position: Bluebird Banter, which is actually even less awesome than the name would imply.  The great thing about Neyer at espn.com was that there you were, just getting box scores or skimming headlines or whatever and you'd be like "oh yeah what's Neyer saying?"  And there you were.   


But in all honesty I've only really been reading Neyer out of habit for the last . . . really the last couple of years, I guess. He's never been much of a prose stylist -- his not-so-shit-hot first post at SB Nation only serves to underscore that fact -- and really his posts had become, for me anyway, useful only as a reminder to go to FanGraphs.  But he was actually a pretty important figure in the dissemination of the statistical newfangledness that we all so admire. Especially in those early years at espn.com, he did some fantastic work as the lone dissenting voice against the inane Joe Morganesque received wisdom that was then not just ascendant but ubiquitous, and which was then, and remains today, kind of dumb.  Even ten years ago, nobody else on any of the big sites was going to let you know about the new Bill James book, for example, or introduce you to the strange notion of DIPS, or so tenderly, thoroughly, and consistently fellate Billy Beane.  But Neyer did all of those things, which was cool of him.


Also, when he's on the radio, doesn't he seem nice?  


In the couple of days since Neyer's surprise announcement that he was leaving espn.com (which came right at the end of a post about Bo Jackson, which is the way I hope to leave this world, in all honesty), they've filled his "Sweet Spot" blog space with two absolute pieces of the worst kind of garbage you're ever going to read.  Just awful, awful stuff.  There's really nothing worth reading over there for free anymore except for Keith Law chat transcripts.  End of an era.  


KS

Baseball Feelings were invented by Roger Angell on February 20th, 1971



That's right.  Roger.  Angell. 

If you don't already know Roger Angell either as the author of the best things in the New Yorker ever or as the guy who didn't get nearly enough airtime in Ken Burns' Baseball, know him now as the godfather of both baseball feelings broadly, in that he has felt them and expressed them as perfectly as they can be felt and expressed, and Baseball Feelings specifically, in that in 2009 at the age of fucking eighty-nine Roger Angell wrote something at the NYer website about what the word on the blogs was re: Joba Chamberlain.  The word on the blogs?  God damn, Roger Angell is plugged in, I thought, and, inspired by that example, here we are a mere two years later with a blog of our own.  I give you, in its entirety, "The Interior Stadium," after what Roger Angell would definitely know to call "the jump" because, once again, Roger Angell is plugged in. 


KS

YOUR SECOND INSTALLMENT OF 90'S PHILLIE OF THE WEEK

JEFF JUDEN.

Jeff Juden is responsible for perhaps my favorite moment of the shitty 90's Phillies era: August 25, 1995. Only with Baseball-Reference do I remember the date, the opponent, or the final score of the game. 6'7", 245 lb Jeff Juden hit a GRAND SLAM in a CG blowout that night against the Los Angeles Dodgers.

More impressive than the grand slam was Gregg Jefferies' cycle that night, but the sight of that massive motherfucker BLASTING the ball (this is how I remember it as I was 8 years old at the time) and trotting around the bases while I sat there stunned on my basement couch sticks out to me. At the time I remember thinking that he'd be the next big thing, but he was traded for a shitty utility player in the off season and my little heart was broken.

Well, turns out the dude wasn't that special of a pitcher and got shipped out of Montreal later in his career for getting into an argument with Pedro Martinez on a flight. It was about Juden breaking a CD player that was playing "Celebrate" by Kool and the Gang. The dude owned.

~Eamonn

a look back at the future (in pictures!)

ugh.

WHY DID YOU GET SO FAT?!

here's one of the other guys that night.

on some summer night in 1999 The Mariners, a team that a decade later would go on to have a "Cheezburger Night" complete with a lolcat bobblehead decided they should make everyone dress up like it was 2027, somehow it was considered a success and many teams would go on to do it. since I dont care about your team I didnt bother to find their futuristic jersey but here is a website with a good selection of them!
http://www.angelfire.com/blues/new_yorker/TATC.html.

To Hell With Cooperstown, They Belong To The Hall Of Fame Of My Heart