Blue Jays (split squad) 9, Braves 5; Blue Jays 4, Orioles 1: But Never Mind That, There's A Sports Illustrated Thing About How Lenny Dykstra Is Going to Jail

If that is Big League Chew it is a flavour with which I am unfamiliar

Can you believe they still publish paper copies of Sports Illustrated in 2012? And that I get them? Well it's all true! And this week there is a story about Lenny Dykstra, who is going to jail for having broken most of the laws. Here is the summary of David Epstein's article that they put up on the page that tells you what you could be reading about if you paid them money to mail you a magazine: 

On Monday, former Mets and Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra was sentenced to 3 years in prison on charges of grand theft auto and filing a false financial statement. In a story based on interviews with law enforcement officials and personal and business associates of Dykstra as well as police and court records reviewed exclusively by SI, staff writer David Epstein traces the pattern of criminal behavior that ultimately landed Dykstra in jail (page 50).Among the previously unreported details uncovered by Epstein are:

• Dykstra used his connection to Charlie Sheen to entice some of his associates into fraudulent activity. He said that Sheen and he were working on a number of ideas including an energy drink and promised his associates pieces a company that never existed.

• Dykstra got a model and mother of 5 named Jessica Costa into his scheme, convincing her to lease a Porsche 911 under her name that he would make the payments on, with her credit application. No one knows where the Porsche is now.

• A common associate in many of Dykstra’s plans was Robert Hymers, a onetime accountant who became infatuated with Dykstra’s lifestyle, said in an interview with police that one night while working late with Dykstra at the Intercontinental hotel in L.A., he fell asleep and when he woke up, his laptop was gone. Dykstra told him that a prostitute had come in, threatened him with a taser and taken the laptop. That laptop contained personal information of a person that Dykstra attempted to use credit checks for at two car dealerships.

All of this is of course awesome. 


Hey is Lenny Dykstra the first baseball player about whom you remember thinking "OK now this guy right here is on something"? Because that is the role he filled for me. Like, Canseco was massive, but I was only ever aware of him as massive, whereas Lenny Dykstra was a massive Phillie who was revealed to have been like a downright teensy Met when you saw his old baseball card at the store. Also one time I wanted to get a Lenny Dykstra rookie card for my friend for his birthday and I thought I had dialed the number of the baseball card store but the guy on the other end of the line disagreed however he played along for a minute.


KS  

Blue Jays 7, Rays 3: This Is So Much More Like It, You Have No Idea

You got stuck in a rundown, and you can't get out of it.

Nobody knows exactly what hitting coach Dwayne Murphy said in the team meeting yesterday in which he is thought to have implored everyone to stop yapping at the umpires, except of course for me, with a big assist from both Imagination and the viewless wings of Poesy: "OK then (Jose Bautista), so everybody (Jose Bautista), I am going to keep this short (Jose Bautista), but (Jose Bautista) let's all just agree to lay off the umps (Jose Bautista), because it's getting out of hand (Jose Bautista), and we're getting the kind of reputation that's hard to shake (Jose Bautista), and the bottom line (Jose Bautista) is that it's not doing us any favours (Jose Bautista), so let's just cut it out. Jose Bautista." This issue had been troubling me, and so I am very glad that this has been dealt with.

I am equally glad that the Blue Jays avoided the four-game sweep last night by hitting everything. Ricky Romero once again looked slightly below his usual top-notch self: three runs over six is far from poor, but four walks to go along with six hits (including two Johnny Damon dingers, no less) and only two strikeouts is subprime Romering. But who cares? Every Blue Jay in the lineup last night had a hit, except for Dewayne Wise (did I mention Colby Rasmus is on the DL, and that that sucks?), but let's be reasonable in our expectations re: Dewayne Wise. It was just straight-up mashing of the best kind: Jose Bautista's thirty-eighth home run; Adam Lind's twenty-third; Kelly Johnson's three hits, including a triple; J. P. Arencibia's three hits, including a double, a triple, and a stolen base. All these things occurred, and owned. 


And the bullpen! Nobody would tell you the Blue Jays bullpen is anything but a butt, and so we should really show warmth and appreciation in the direction of Litsch, Janssen, and Francisco for allowing but one hit in three innings of relief last night, because it would have been depressing as hell to have blown that one, and don't act like it couldn't happen, because that sort of thing is happening on the reg/is killing me. Ricky Ro' is now a pretty choice 13-9 with a 2.84 ERA and four complete games (two shutouts). I know the advanced stats prefer Brandon "I'd rather look at the nerd stats" Morrow this year, bless his heart, and I am not a PITCHER WINZ guy by any stretch, but I just feel a whole lot better with Romero on the hill, friends, what can I tell you. The man is a bulldog out there, A Bulldog.   


In short, bring on the O's.


Hey also: I am not here to tell anybody how they would best enjoy the game of baseball, but let me say, you can do a whole lot worse than getting rid of all of your cable, giving our evil overlords at MLB twenty dollars to get access to every game on the radio (blackout free!), spending twenty minutes a day watching the luxurious and non-YankeeSox-centric game recaps at MLB.com (blackout free!), and checking in on whatever the MLB.TV free game of the day is (pending blackouts). It is seriously incredible how much baseball there is out there, and the kind of access we have to it. Being a baseball fan in 2011 is roughly a zillion times better than it was to be a baseball fan, say, twenty-five years ago. Let us not loose site of this (unless you really liked the Expos, I guess, in which case I would forgive you for loosing sight of this). Sometimes I think that the only thing about baseball that might not be as awesome as it was when I was a kid is baseball cards, but then you see something like the 2011 Topps Prince Fielder, and wonder if any baseball card has ever captured l'essence of its subject better:

Fattest vegan alive, friends; act surprised.

But then you remember, oh yeah right, his 2010 Topps:

Really, this got him beaned? Really? 

Anyway. Baseball. Let's hear it for it. 


KS

If this 1987 Topps baseball card is accurate, Greg Minton had, like, the weirdest ass.

Just a terrible, mournful ass.

KS

Mike Armstrong. Pitcher. Royals.

Mike Armstrong pitched for the University of Miami.  Mike Armstrong was drafted by the Cincinnati  Reds.  Mike Armstrong was traded for Paul O'Neil. Mike Armstrong was the winning pitcher in the pine tar game.  But what interests me most about Mike Armstrong is his 1983 Topps baseball card. Because it is insane.


KS

O-Pee-Chee Baseball Card Feelings

This morning I went to the bingo hall where sports card show sets up the last Saturday of every month.  I got there kind of late, and to my disappointment the dude with the most baseball stuff was already packing up. But I found another guy with a box that just said "1970s Baseball Singles," which is absolutely ideal, in that you know there's going to be neat stuff in there, and you also know that if he hasn't bothered sorting any of it out, nothing is going to cost any more than a dollar, thus putting it right in the zone.  I came away with thirteen entirely rad baseball cards from 1970 and 1971 for the totally reasonable price of five dollars.  I would do this again in a heartbeat.  After the jump, let me tell you about them.


KS