mathematically eliminated #26 the Boston Red Sox

Congratulations KS the only guy who reads this blog, your Toronto Blue Jays today put a stake through the heart of this horrid Boston Red Sox season. The illustrious return of the overhyped Bobby Valentine, Josh Beckett being a proud beer-drinker and chicken-eater who refused to let go of his ways, the last great heroes of when the Red Sox became champions and made a million drunken Bostoners feel like life was not worth complaining about briefly - all of it down the drain. The Red Sox have crashed back upon the surface of their multi-generational reality, and now have to figure out a way to make themselves relevant again, last place in a division they briefly had an arms-and-bats race of highest monetary proportion with the Yankees, now overshadowed by not only the Rays but also the Orioles. I mean, really the Orioles? Oh well, not much else to say as it's football season already and who really gives a fuck about baseball outside of the four or five important games you glance at the scoreboard for when there's actual American football to play?

Kevin Kouzmanoff: Sub Replacement Starter

Or, Jack Hananhan-lite, if you will. I really don't know what else to say about the guy. He's never gotten on base at a decent rate, but he always had a little bit of pop and played gold glove defense. Now he's swinging at sliders in the dirt that START OUT outside of the strikezone, grounding into double plays and is doing a spot-on Jose Offerman impersonation at third. He's far from the only A struggling, but he's certainly the one that they have no replacement for. Eric Chavez has apparently found the Fountain of Youth (steroids) and a good way of masking the Fountain of Youth in his urine stream and is playing really well for the Yankees. Failed prospect Andy Laroche is currently the alleged utility man while actual utility man Adam Rosales is on the 60 day DL, and has been even worse than Kouz in the field. AAA Sacramento has no legit hot corner prospects. So the A's are faced with the prospect of going into battle night in and night out with the rare MLB starter who has negative value to his team. There is nothing worse than watching a pitching staff go out and do their job only to watch the inept offense fail to score a single run, and that's what we A's fans have been going through so far. I have a bad feeling we're a week or 2 away from Billy Beane remembering he's a GM long enough for him to turn off the soccer game and declare the A's not fit to compete and use it as an excuse to start trading his usable pieces for minor league journeymen with high OBP. An early May Oakland Fire Sale might be enough to kill my interest in the rest of the season.

And Here Come THE Feelings

I don't really follow Baseball now, I'll say that right off the bat, I mean I deal with feelings on the regular, so that isn't something any of us need to worry about (unless you are my mom or any woman that could ever love me), but like I said I don't really follow baseball now. Obviously I should write for a baseball blog.

The reason I have no real interest is a pretty good one. The team I felt the most kinship with no longer exists. I am one of, judging by attendance figures, 15 Montreal Expo fans in captivity. The other couple hundred or so 'fans' that didn't fill the Olympic stadium all run loose in the wild (By wild I mean they chill at the Cirque De Sexe in lovely Downtown Montreal). We are are generally all the same, bitter, little to no interest in baseball anymore and EXTREMELY virile. Or at least I am. The reason for that of course is good breeding (virility) and the 1994 strike.

Hey since every stupid idiot that has dumb opinions and stinks really bad has talked about the Strike over and over already, I am just going to say this. We were going to win the World Series. There was no one that could beat us, we had Larry Walker and Marquis Grissom and Wil Cordero (pre-wife beating ftr) and Moises and Felipe Alou and and Ken Hill and Jeff Fassaro and fucking PEDRO!~~! Look we just would have won the whole goddamn thing, also of note I am borderline angry just re-typing the names I just listed. We were going to win.

And then we didn't because Money Ruins Everything, and by the time the players came back how could I even pretend to give a shit? Same with the city of Montreal, they were tired of even half heartedly pretending and then came Jeffery Loria, who if he's reading this from whatever den of evil currently allows him respite should feel free rot in hell or New Brunswick forever, and that was about it for the team, Loria double dealed his way (along with anything not tied down in Montreal's Front office) to Miami and the Spo's were on the way to DC.

I checked out of Montreal fandom for good when they traded Pedro to the Red Sox, seemingly seconds after he won the Cy Young award. I loved Pedro he was the best and most charming player perhaps ever in Montreal and with him gone it really did seem like the Party Was Over.

I ended up moving over to the Red Sox, due to geographical location (Atlantic Canadians LOVE Boston), their being in the American League and thus never having to beat the piss out of the Spo's, the fact that they suited my self loathing personality to a tee and finally because of Pedro. Who by they way immediately after winning the World Series in 2004 thanked the people of Montreal because he loved playing there and oh man what a guy!

I am on the fence about the BoSox lately and I am sure that will seep over into my posts from here on out, but mostly I assume I'll just be remembering Old Expos that I loved or have come to love. Also I will be cursing the Yankees.

Let the Feelings bathe and cleanse us like the mighty Atlantic Ocean.