NATS RISE TO GLORY game twenty-two

OMG the Nats scored 13 runs two nights in a row. Have they decided to be offensive? What the fuck? This makes no sense. They SMASHED the Braves, and sure I could scan the box score and be like "Yes, Ugly Danny Uggla was at it again" or "The Ultimate Harper" but honestly they just smashed those fuckers the Atlien Braves, which is a thing I just typed but damn, space natives is some serious shit actually, and now my excitement over the Nationals winning is lost to space native conspiracies and how that might relate to uprising of the people in relations to oh I don't know current events, and maybe the Nationals *won* because they are from DC and there is a sneaky shit, sneaky business snakeman lizard shit connecting DC and Baltimore, especially via the baseballs, and I don't know man this could all be a fucking conspiracy a massive fucking conspiracy to keep people suppressed and half-blind or at least looking at the wrong fucking thing and ignoring the important shit, like me, writing bullshit about baseball. Wtf?
Nats are 9-13.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game twelve

Sigh. Saturday game was no win and Phillies broke a six-game losing streak. The Ultimate Harper smashed another HR though, obviously channeled into universal magnetics and feeling the voices of the elders advise him on what's coming from the mount. He also is starting to get walked a lot according to box scores. Mufuckas afraid of The Ultimate Harper. Too much uncontrolled raw animal manliness in there. It can be dangerous. Look at how it turned into demons that consumed Jorsh Hamilton. Look at how Barrett Bonds sacrificed his own morality to enhance his ability to achieve such a physical status upon earth. The Ultimate Harper is young. He worries me, not so much that I'm afraid he won't be a universal force in a stupid earth man game, but I don't know, he seems tailor made by the Baseball Evil Gods to end up signing a ridiculously high dollar contract to play for the Yankees, and have his universal force obscured by the glaring lights of such a thing.
Of note in this game is Jonathan Papelbon got the save for the Phillies, and I didn't see it, only read it, but I have always thought Papelbon's mouth looked like an anus, and I tend to laugh at dudes with mouths like anuses. What sort of life leads you to that look? What genetics and psychologies combine to clench lips into eternal pucker of shit existence? People are weird looking. Granted, about three times a week, I slip into brain mode of Oscar Zeta Acosta and Hunter S Thompson in the bar in Las Vegas where everybody looks like alien lizards and it's hard to handle that shit. Actually just yesterday, my family was on a short road jaunt, and I stopped at the Sheetz for a large cup of what is considered coffee (proud aficionado of gas station coffee right here, bruh), and everybody started looking like lizards and it was very unsettling and I'm not sure how people exist without freaking out to be honest. Anyways, Nats lost, with reaching .500 for the first time this season on the line.
Nats are (were) 5-7.