NATS RISE TO GLORY game forty-one

(would've preferred a pic of Matt Williams HIGH-larious

sweeping of his cleats across home plate, which was very

Billy Martin-esque, but hey, this is a nice action shot

of dickhead ump throwing dork gang sign)

Yesterday I found out there's a FM radio station the next county over (meaning receivable at my home) that carries Nats radio, which means I can sit outside at the picnic table and probably listen to games watching fireflies and shit like that. But I didn't get around to it in time yesterday night, was too busy harvesting red clover flowers for the ol' lady's herbal witchcraft shit. I tune into that shit though, and start picking wherever I hear bees, because that means it's the bomb ass flowers, while also leaving plenty for the bees, because those motherfuckers got more important shit to do with red clover flowers than I do.

Anyways, I did get inside and catch an update on the game RIGHT AS BRYCE HARPER WAS HORRIBLY EJECTED. Seriously, people upon the social medias were flipping out, so I cut on the radio real quick (the station worked!) and the radio dudes likewise were flipping out. Now understand Nationals radio, as with all home team broadcasts, probably are just ever so slightly biased, but what I took away from the situation is umpire Marvin Hudson is a huge dick who has always been a huge dick and everybody hates him and he is jealous of every man who has an actual functioning penis, so he threw Harper out to make all the children who came to see him play cry.

Of course, Matt Williams came out and got tossed too. This happened like a week ago. They ended up winning that game, so of course they ended up winning this game. Denard Span had an RBI single in the 7th that put the Nats on top, and they held that shit. But you know who is having a Harper-esque week of solid goodness? Ian Desmond, who hit his second homer of the stretch last night in the 1st inning. Also, at one point I remember being like, "WHERE IS THE OFFENSE?" but then suddenly you look, after this amazing hot stretch, and Span and Harper and Wilson Ramos and Yunel Escobar are all stroking well over .300.

And after giving up 2 to open the game, Jordan Zimmermann was again a tricky, conniving bastard on the mound. In a starting rotation of a pair of hired guns (Maximum Scherzer and Doug Fister) as well as fan favorite pair from before (Stephon Strasborg and Gio Gonzales), he might actually be considered the perfect 3rd dude glue that helps hold it all together. Like I don't ever remember thinking angrily "Fuck Jordan Zimmermann" at any point in my tacit support of these Nats. And usually I am like "fuck everybody".

Nats are 24-17, and alone atop the NL East.

NATS RISE TO GLORY game thirty-five

LET US DISCUSS THE EFFECTS OF UNIVERSAL SPIRIT WARRIORS UPON TEAM SPORT, AS IN THIS THE ULTIMATE HARPER I HAVE SPOKE OF FONDLY, YET ALSO VERY CLEAR THAT WERE HE TO BE ON SOME OTHER FRANCHISE I WOULD PROBABLY BE A LITERAL PLAYER HATER. THE ULTIMATE HARPER TRANSCENDS STANDARD BEISBOL POWER STRUCTURES OF THE INDIVIDUAL. OPPOSING DUDES WHO STAND UPON DIRT HUMP TO FLING BALL FOR OTHER TEAM ARE THOUGHTFULLY ALREADY WORKING AROUND THIS WARRIOR, ATTEMPTING TO DISSECT TEAM WITHOUT HAVING TO CUT INTO ACTUAL BRYCE MEAT.
IN 7TH INNING OF TIED UP 5-5 GAME, THERE IS DISPUTE AT HOME PLATE ABOUT BRYCE HARPER CHECK SWING STRIKEOUT, WHICH OF COURSE D-BACKS ARE LIKE "YUSS!" BECAUSE THE ULTIMATE HARPER IS NEGATED FOR ANOTHER INSTANCE. ARGUMENTS ENSUE BECAUSE THIS IS BEISBOL & SHIT LIKE THAT HAPPENS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE UNIVERSAL MAGNETICS OF SPIRIT WARRIOR ARE SNUFFED PERHAPS ARBITRARILY, SO SPIRITS FLARE. MATT WILLIAMS - EVER THE NOBLE FIGUREHEAD OF THIS NATS TEAM, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AS COACH TBH, HE EMBODIES THE CHILL NAVIGATION OF RIDICULOUS COLLECTION OF HUMANS BEING THAT IS NECESSARY FOR SUCCESSFUL MANAGERING - COMES OUT AND HELPS ARGUE. UMPIRE IS LIKE "THIS IS LAST GAME OF THIS SERIES, WE ARE TIED UP LATE IN GAME OF RUBBER STAMP, FUCK THIS OKAY GUYS?" & TOSSES BOTH HARPER AND WILLIAMS AND IT IS STILL TIED AND IF YOU ARE CASUAL BYSTANDER YOU ARE LIKE, "WOW THERE IS NO MORE HARPER IN THIS GAME, & THE NATS NOW HAVE LOST THEIR MANAGER. BUT THIS IS MEANINGLESS MID-MAY BASEBALL... WHY THE HYPE?"
BECAUSE SPIRIT WARRIORS ARE HYPE. A YOUNG MICHAEL TAYLOR (who is actually a year older than Bryce Harper) IS INSERTED INTO RF TO TAKE HARPER'S SPACE BUT NOT REPLACE. THE RIGHT FIELD GRASS, WELL MANAGED AND CARED FOR, IS COATED IN MAGNETIC STARSHINE AURA OF HARPER, AS IS THAT SPOT IN BATTING ORDER. THERE IS NOTHING TAYLOR CAN REALLY DO BUT PLAY HIS POSITION, EXCEPT HE IS SOAKING UP ALL THAT STARSHINE. NOT MANUFACTURED SPORTS "STAR" SHINE BUT LITERAL FROM DEEP IN THE GALAXY ACTUAL STAR SHINE THAT HEATS STONE DEEP WITHIN THE EARTH AND POWERS SPRING BLOSSOMS AND HELPED VIKINGS NAVIGATE THEIR WAY ACROSS AN UNCHARTED EARTH. MOTHERFUCKIN' STAR SHINE.
TAYLOR SOAKS THIS UP THROUGHOUT THE 7TH, AND THEN 8TH INNING, AND THOUGH THE D-BACKS GET A RUN UP TO MAKE 6-5, THE NATS GO INTO THE 9TH WITHOUT THEIR MANAGER AND WITHOUT THEIR SPIRIT WARRIOR OF NOTE AND WITH PERHAPS ANGER AND PESSIMISM TOWARD HOME PLATE UMPIRE'S LARGER INTENTIONS WITHIN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THIS GAME. AND YET IT IS BEISBOL SO IT PLAYS OUT. MEN GET ON BASE, ONE BY ONE, UNTIL MICHAEL TAYLOR GETS HIS FIRST PLATE APPEARANCE OF THE EVENING, IN THE ULTIMATE HARPER'S SPOT THE FIRST TIME IT HAS COME UP IN THE ROTATION SINCE THE EJECTION EARLIER. PERHAPS PEOPLE INNOCENTLY ONLOOKING THOUGHT TO THEMSELVES, "Wow, bases loaded, down by 1 in the top of the 9th... this would be perfect to see Harper actually batting."
BUT TAYLOR HAD BEEN SOAKING UP THAT JUICE ALL ALONG. PERHAPS HE KNEW, PERHAPS HE DIDN'T. YOU CAN'T REALLY "KNOW" LIKE IN SCIENTIFIC COGNIZANT SENSE ABOUT THINGS LIKE THIS. BUT TAYLOR IS STANDING THERE AGAINST AN ADDISON REED WHO I HAVE SEEN BASEBALL FRIENDS ONLINE DISPLAY DISLIKE FOR IN RECENT WEEKS, AND THERE IS NOTHING TAYLOR COULD DO EXCEPT ACCEPT HIS ROLE IN THIS LARGER MANIFESTATION OF GLORIOUS POWER. A PSYCHE-CRUSHING (FOR THE D-BACKS) GRAND SLAM IN 9TH INNING WAS INEVITABLE, AND TAYLOR WAS THE CONDUIT FOR THIS TESLA COIL STRIKE OF ENERGETICS. IT WAS SUDDENLY VERY MUCH OBVIOUSLY A NATIONALS WIN, THOUGH THEY PLAYED OUT THE REST OF THE INNING, FOR THE D-BACKS IT WAS LIKE CONTINUING WITH COITUS POST-ORGASM, PRETENDING YOU COULD PLEASE YOUR PARTNER WITH A SEMI-FLACCID MEMBER. IT WAS ESSENTIALLY GAME OVER, AND ALSO A TESTIMONIAL TO THE LARGER POWERS AT PLAY WITH THIS 2015 WASHINGTON NATIONALS TEAM, THAT PERHAPS TRULY ARE EXPERIENCING A RISE TO GLORY.
Nats are 19-16.